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Original poster

To think mixed sex dormitories in hostels are unacceptable

107 replies

FannyCann · 02/06/2019 09:40

I don't mean the accidental mixed sex where someone is presenting as the opposite sex, I mean all in together.

DD1 is travelling around Australia, mostly staying with friends or Airb&b. But she booked herself into a hostel in Sydney for one night and didn't realise she hadn't specified women only until she got there and couldn't change due to lack of availability. She was nearly in tears phoning home next day - the guy IN THE BUNK below her had sex all night. She felt very unsafe and was very upset.

I mentioned this at work and a colleague agreed her daughter had had similar terrible experience. The drunk man in the bunk above her had fallen off in the night. Turned out he was a homeless man who had wandered in and helped himself to an empty bunk.

Met up with a friend yesterday and she said her son had also been appalled. This time it was the behaviour of the girls, bringing randoms in and having sex all night. He was in Bali and went and slept on the beach before moving into a hotel.

So that's a quick three out of three terrible experiences.

I had no idea mixed sex accommodation was now the norm in these hostels (aside of double rooms/family accommodation obv). It's obviously unsafe and unpleasant.

DD is in a lovely airb&b with a friend now until her flight home and has learnt from the experience. But really I see no reason why this has become the norm. It's terrible.

OP posts:
LittleKitty1985 · 02/06/2019 10:01

I've done a lot of travelling and when I was younger would always choose a mixed sex dorm as they're more fun and I generally get on better with men than women. People having sex while I was asleep was a bit annoying, but no more so than people talking / putting on the lights / closing the windows etc. It's all part of the hostel experience.

When I travelled alone in my 30s I didn't want all of that interrupting my sleep anymore so I chose the smallest dorms possible (singles or twins usually), so I suggest your DD does that. They're more expensive though of course.

herculepoirot2 · 02/06/2019 10:01

ALL night? She didn't happen to get his number, did she?

😂😂😂

LillithsFamiliar · 02/06/2019 10:05

Most hostels have single sex or mixed sex dorms. You choose which you want. As students I slept in mixed sex dorms and they were fine. No problems at all. When I got older, I opted for single sex dorms or private rooms instead.
I'm sorry your DD had a bad experience but as you said in your OP, there was a single sex option. She just booked the wrong one for her.

Pieceofpurplesky · 02/06/2019 10:05

Ah sweet memories! I backpacked around Australia over 20 years ago and it was the same. Worse if they are shagging on the bunk above though. More movement. It's part and parcel of travelling where lots of younger people stay. She should stick to air bnb if she is getting upset by this and miss out on proper experiences. She should have just given him a mark out of ten or a round of applause when he finished. It's nothing to do with mixed sex rooms though.
Tell her not to go to the Tree House Hostel - even the showers there are mixed - no curtains, just one long row of showers

stucknoue · 02/06/2019 10:07

There was mixed sex hostels 25 years ago, nothing new. When traveling in a mixed sex couple or group it was very handy.

thecatneuterer · 02/06/2019 10:07

When I was hosteling over 35 years ago I always stayed in mixed sex dorms as I was travelling with my male platonic friend. When I went alone the following year I stayed in both mixed and single sex. Neither had any more issues than the other.

So of course they shouldn't be banned but if you don't like the idea then stay somewhere else.

UserName31456789 · 02/06/2019 10:08

I stayed in mixed sex dorms while travelling and much preferred them. The only bad experience I had was with a violent woman in a single sex dorm who tried to steal my passport. I preferred the mixed sex as I was a girl travelling with three male friends and didn't want to be on my own. WE never had any issues. Obviously if you don't want to stay in mixed sex dorms you should find a hostel with single sex rooms that's just part of the organisation you need to do when travelling.

herculepoirot2 · 02/06/2019 10:09

I think parents of younger adult children (18-20 odd) get a bit confused about what being an adult means sometimes. Hotels and hostels and campsites no longer have the same legal obligations to safeguard their children that similar businesses had when their children were... well, children. They might feel personally worried about their adult child sleeping in a mixed sex dorm, but the responsibility now belongs to the adult child to make that choice.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 02/06/2019 10:09

Mixed sex dorms aren't a new thing, all the dorms I stayed in when backpacking loads 15 years ago were mixed sex. I never had any problems. Once I found a couple asleep in bed together in the morning and felt a bit awkward, but they hadn't disturbed me, they were a couple travelling together and I think just cuddling in their sleep. Otherwise no problems at all.

I think there are two separate issues here - mixed sex dorms, and people bringing people back for sex in a dorm, which could happen in single sex dorms too.

If someone disturbed me by having sex in my dorm I definitely would have said something, either to them directly or to reception.

A friend at uni shared a two bed room with another student in halls for a year, and they both bought guys back for sex. They had an agreement the other would wear headphones and face the wall! Now that is awkward!!

ComeAndDance · 02/06/2019 10:10

I have stayed in a mix sex dorm before and dint like it. Tbh, it didn’t even cross my mind that they would exist. The YHA dint have mixed sex dorms.....

Mentounasc · 02/06/2019 10:11

When DD1was 17she went to Amsterdam for a Uni open day. I helped her book a flight and hostel. She was used to flying by herself (ex-pats) but it was the first time she flew somewhere without people to pick her up at the other end.

I made sure she was booked into a hostel run by Christians (strict rules on alcohol, drugs and sex) and a single-sex dorm. It was clear thatwhenever single-sex was not specified, it would be mixed. If she'd been over 18 the decision would have been hers. As it happens, now she tends to prefer Airbnb accommodation (nothing posh, often a room in a flat).

Pinkvoid · 02/06/2019 10:12

I’d be uncomfortable in a hostel full stop but a mixed sex one sounds downright scary.

YANBU.

herculepoirot2 · 02/06/2019 10:13

Pinkvoid

But the fact that you find them scary doesn’t mean they shouldn’t exist. Lots of people are happy staying in mixed sex accommodation.

LouiseMiltonSpatula · 02/06/2019 10:16

I’d be uncomfortable in a hostel full stop but a mixed sex one sounds downright scary.

Just because you personally find something scary doesn’t mean it’s unacceptable...

UserName31456789 · 02/06/2019 10:17

I’d be uncomfortable in a hostel full stop but a mixed sex one sounds downright scary.

Well if you don't want to stay in a hostel anyway whether they're mixed sex rooms or not are hardly relevant! I don't think anyone was suggesting that every traveller should be forced to stay in mixed sex rooms just that they should be available for those of us who want them. If I was travelling with a man/men I'd much prefer to get to stay with my friends rather than alone in a single sex room.

Miljah · 02/06/2019 10:19

Yes, backpacking isn't for everyone!

I YHA'ed while Interrailing around Western Europe, at 18, because, in 1980, there just weren't independent hostels to stay in; we had loads of fun, but I had better fun when I was 24 and crossed Asia to Oz, where yes, most dorms were coed!

I do think some 18-19 year olds aren't yet ready for the Oz gap year.

MeerKitty · 02/06/2019 10:21

Any of those incidents could have happened in single sex dorms to be fair.

Staying in dorms involves taking a bit of a risk, as they are not monitored and you don’t know what the behaviour of the other people in the room will be.

When young people are travelling in places like Australia , it’s not unheard of for partners of either sex to be sneaked into beds, regardless of the type of dorm!

Without a doubt, your daughter was faced with an uncomfortable situation as people were behaving inappropriately, but she could have told them to pack it in.

Maybe she needs to learn to speak up and confront people when they are taking liberties.

HolesinTheSoles · 02/06/2019 10:22

I think a PP has hit it on the head. The hostel is a private business and your DD is an adult choosing to stay in it. This isn't an outward bound school trip. She has a responsibility to book herself into accommodation she finds appropriate.

Why should mixed sex dorms be banned (meaning couples or mixed sex groups will be separated) because some adults can't book themselves into the correct type of room?

TanMateix · 02/06/2019 10:23

I thought the mixed sex rooms were there to allow big groups to stay together.

Having said that, I stayed in a mixed sex room years and years ago and cannot imagine children to be allowed to stay. I have stayed in a lot of hostels with DS in our own but it would have NEVER occurred to me to share a room with strangers having a child with me.

You could have say something but it is like having a child in a pub late at night and complaining the people around you are swearing. Obviously, there are family friendly pubs where people wouldn’t be swearing but it is still not the place for a child to be at night.

CloserIAm2Fine · 02/06/2019 10:24

YABU

This is not a new thing. DD needs to research and choose the option that she feels comfortable with. She messed up, nothing terrible happened, she’s learned her lesson.

TanMateix · 02/06/2019 10:25

Oops, apologies, I totally misunderstood the OP’s first post.

But yes, that is youth hostels for you, some are good, some are crap, it depends on who is staying in the room at the same time as you.

TanMateix · 02/06/2019 10:28

I don’t think however this is a new thing at all, I remember staying in a mixed room at a where I ended up asking the hostel to move me as there was a drunk guy in my room insisting that I should sleep in his bed. And that was DECADES ago.

araiwa · 02/06/2019 10:29

Youre not a proper backpacker til youve tried sleeping whilst your bed is rocking!

Muluea · 02/06/2019 10:29

I have stayed in mixed dorms accidentally or without choice (couldn't find anywhere else) several times in my 20s.

No awful experiences to be honest. The men kept to themselves. Pretty similar to what PregnantSea said up thread.

They weren't awful hostels though, they were pretty clean and well maintained and I always checked reviews etc.

No one had sex either.

The worst anti social behaviour was coming in late and making some noise, but even then it was before curfew and they weren't obnoxious drunks.

kateandme · 02/06/2019 10:32

but you mentioned this has happened with girls and boys so what if shed have been with the girl having sex??
my ssiter was with all boys.they really took a protective stance over her.and would make sure she was in at the end of the day and had even hanged there days so she wasnt doing day trips alone.
these places always ask for preference too.she forgot.
and sorry op but how youve reacted is how youve brought your daughte rup so this is now her reaction

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