To think mixed sex dormitories in hostels are unacceptable

[FannyCann]

I don't mean the accidental mixed sex where someone is presenting as the opposite sex, I mean all in together.

DD1 is travelling around Australia, mostly staying with friends or Airb&b. But she booked herself into a hostel in Sydney for one night and didn't realise she hadn't specified women only until she got there and couldn't change due to lack of availability. She was nearly in tears phoning home next day - the guy IN THE BUNK below her had sex all night. She felt very unsafe and was very upset.

I mentioned this at work and a colleague agreed her daughter had had similar terrible experience. The drunk man in the bunk above her had fallen off in the night. Turned out he was a homeless man who had wandered in and helped himself to an empty bunk.

Met up with a friend yesterday and she said her son had also been appalled. This time it was the behaviour of the girls, bringing randoms in and having sex all night. He was in Bali and went and slept on the beach before moving into a hotel.

So that's a quick three out of three terrible experiences.

I had no idea mixed sex accommodation was now the norm in these hostels (aside of double rooms/family accommodation obv). It's obviously unsafe and unpleasant.

DD is in a lovely airb&b with a friend now until her flight home and has learnt from the experience. But really I see no reason why this has become the norm. It's terrible.

Stayed in a hostel on Skye which only had mixed dorms available at the time I booked.
I did feel slightly uncomfortable when it looked like there were only going to be 2 of us in a dorm for 4, but a couple turned up later.
I didn't change in the room. Put trousers on over my nightie and changed in the shower room.

Part of my experience 30-40 years ago was sharing single sex dorms with German women who did walk around topless. And nobody got changed in the bathroom.
Christ this thread is making me feel old.

And standards of behaviour were higher. Not because we were any better behaved, but because they were enforced by the hostels.

What do you all do about getting dressed in front of men? Do you just not mind if they see your breasts etc?

You change in the bathrooms. I’d do that even in single sex, and most other people do. I don’t really want any strangers seeing me naked, regardless of gender...and I don’t really want the friends I’m travelling with seeing me naked either to be honest!

Every hostel I've stayed at has had the option for single sex or mixed dorms. Sometimes some are fully booked but it does quite clearly state mixed or female only etc.

Okay we all changed in the dorms. Some discreetly. But nobody changed in the bathroom. Makes sense that you would in a mixed sex dorm though.
A real change then for the cultures where women used to walk about topless in dorms 30-40 years ago. Far less change in some ways for the prudish Brits though.

What do you all do about getting dressed in front of men? Do you just not mind if they see your breasts etc?

Just got changed in the same way I did in single sex rooms.

jennymanara We probably need a knitting emoji. Or rocking chair and slippers.

Yanbu, I don't like the idea of them at all. Imagine a room full of men who all know each other and a single woman travelling alone. Or a lone man and a lone woman in the same dorm and left alone. Anything could happen.
But then you could say they're all adults and they chose to stay there, they weren't forced, but then maybe more could be done to protect women travelling alone and staying in a hostel.

As a female, i much prefer mixed dorms.
Behaviour is usually much better, and they are less filthy.

The cheapest rooms in hostels in oz tend to be mixed sex. Always worth paying a little extra to stay in a smaller single sex space.

And fetching a member of night staff when someone is having sex in the dorm would be a sensible move. No one has to put up with that.

Mixed dorms are inherently unsafe for women. I put off travelling until I could afford my own room with a locked door. I'd heard too many stories from female friends of bad experiences. Men have so many more freedoms.

I don't like the idea of them at all. Imagine a room full of men who all know each other and a single woman travelling alone. Or a lone man and a lone woman in the same dorm and left alone. Anything could happen

I've never, ever been in such a situation. Groups of people tend to stick to single sex dorms(and take them over) in my experience. It's one of the reasons I prefer mixed ones. People seem to behave better in mixed dorms. Maybe because they ARE aware of a need to be sensitive to each other.

I've travelled all over for the past 17 years staying in mixed bed hostels and I've never had a problem. I've known couples have sex, I've known drunk women and men both equally behaving pretty much the same.
It's all part of the fun of backpacking.

I think if your daughter can't cope with travelling abroad without phoning her mum when she gets upset, she is too young to be doing it at all.

This isn't a new thing OP, I back packed around Australia 15 years ago and the hostel I stayed in in Sydney was mixed dorms as were all of them we stayed in! I never had any issues, would get changed and showered in single sex toilets then go to bed, they're pretty much there just to sleep, not like a hotel where you hang out in your room really.

I once shared a room with all men/ boys by the way. The only problem I found were they were obnoxious, spoilt, middle class brats! as I found with most young lads travelling from middle class families, the girls were generally lovely.

@YetAnotherSpartacus that is just not true. you might feel unsafe, doesn’t mean you actually are (if you beed to feel safe, you need a single room- all dorms are a bit more of an adventure)

If you are gonna be precious, buy her a room at the Hilton. She will not have to share with anyone.

Eh. I just read the sexual assault and rape statistics. Women are far more at risk of sexual assault than men. As said, in my younger days I heard many bad stories from women and gave that one a body swerve. The only times i stayed in mixed sex dorms was when I was with a mixed sex group I knew well. No way would I trust strangers.

Also, when we booked them they were for our sole use.

@FannyCann yes Mission Beach - was there 20 odd years ago so very rustic. Fabulous place with enormous huntsmen spiders and a donkey!

The showers were an eye opener in more ways than one.

I think if your daughter can't cope with travelling abroad without phoning her mum when she gets upset, she is too young to be doing it at all.

Rubbish. I am nearly 38, married with children and I would call my mum if I'm upset about something. Some people just have that close relationship, it isn't about maturity.

I accidentally booked a mixed sex hostel in London with my mum. Ended up paying a lot of money to get an uber back.

Mixed sex dorms was the norm when I was backpacking over 30 years ago. I don’t even remember single sex dorms being an option most places, except for the hostels run by religious groups (some of which were straight up cults, so the opposite of a safe space).

Even if you choose single sex dorms people will bring members of the opposite sex back to have sex, so unless you take over a single sex dorm with a big group of friends it’s going to end up somewhat mixed anyway.

I think if your daughter can't cope with travelling abroad without phoning her mum when she gets upset, she is too young to be doing it at all.

She was also upset as she had been staying in Melbourne with a friend when a young woman was murdered (well publicised case in the news) a couple of streets away and it had been playing on her mind, exacerbated by reading articles linked to the murder story about male violence.

But never mind. I'm hysterical and she's a silly girl.

And we all know that if anything had happened to her it would have been all her own fault for being female and putting herself in danger...