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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To completely object to

518 replies

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 01/06/2019 21:40

Not only being lucky enough to make the evening only invite list but then when you arrive to be served a sausage bap for your evening meal

OP posts:
Hepte · 02/06/2019 22:59

Why be so judgemental? Not everyone can afford the same thing? Just enjoy being part of their special day!

Skyechasemarshalontheway · 03/06/2019 00:31

You are very very rude.

My DH is in the wedding industry in Scotland this is the norm and has been for years in most hotels. You may think it's a cheap option but some hotels charge £3.50 per half sausage or bacon bap and do not give options for other types of evening foods.

StoppinBy · 03/06/2019 02:09

Wowee, I am actually shocked at all the nasty responses on this thread, I am going to assume that most of you are UK based.

From what I have seen your strict hosting rules and regulations are much more structured than ours (Aus) and go so far as to expect someone who is hosting people at their house to feel bad about asking people to bring a share place unless you are completely desperate..... yet here we are, a couple getting married and hosting people are not expected to provide bugger all.

In Aus the wedding would be full catered, food and basic alcohol, beer, wine and soft drink. Often spirits are included too. You don't invite people to celebrate with you and then tell them to pay for their own drinks and food.

OP I think it might be time to step away from this thread and just let the craziness run it's course before the thread dies out.

BlackPrism · 03/06/2019 05:37

Weddings are expensive. If you're not super close I'd be happy to be invited.

KatherineJaneway · 03/06/2019 06:52

Bacon buttys and sausage baps are pretty standard at weddings for the evening do now. Prawn vol au vents and quiche Lorraine is very much out of fashion now.

BlagMyChicken · 03/06/2019 07:13

Many years ago were invited to a full day wedding where, not only had the venue run out of food for the main meal by the time they got to the final few tables. That’s ok, we thought - we’ll cope until the evening buffet. Except there was no evening buffet, no snacks, nothing. That’s worth moaning about, not a sausage bap. It’s fairly standard evening fare these days.

SolitudeAtAltitude · 03/06/2019 07:24

This thread is crazy indeed

I think that was poor catering OP

I've had burgers at evening do before (herby lamb burgers with loads of salads, haloumi(for veggies and greedy carnivores Grin) sauces, dips etc). Was lovely.

But a sausage bap is not very hospitable for an otherwise grand wedding!

herculepoirot2 · 03/06/2019 08:01

I think quite a few people have forgotten the spirit of a wedding. It’s sad.

JessieTalamasca · 03/06/2019 08:46

I agree, hercule and StoppinBy.

HomeMadeMadness · 03/06/2019 08:59

This is why I prefer old fashioned weddings. Less emphasis on impressive looking venues. No two tiers of invites. Guests are happy to be there and everyone has enough to eat and drink even if it isn't fine cuisine.

user1472482328 · 03/06/2019 17:40

I’ve had food at a Tupperware party 😂

Smellbow · 03/06/2019 18:00

I really want a sausage sandwich now.

SarfE4sticated · 03/06/2019 18:06

Is there a free bar? I would go most places for a free bar.
We got married 15 years ago and it was a small venue, so we had family and close friends for a sit down dinner and then everyone else (normal friends) arrived for buffet and free bar. It was great fun.
If I was just invite for evening do, I would think if I really liked them, if I did I would go and be happy to be there, and wouldn't really care what I ate or how much a few drinks cost, if I didn't really like them, I wouldn't go.

wooo69 · 03/06/2019 18:08

I went to a work colleagues evening do with a bunch of colleagues and we got half a bacon butty - not even a full one, they had all been cut in half and not enough on the pate for a whole one each. We did ask for more and we were told that was it for each table. We hadn’t pulled up extra chairs either.

The bride was horrified when we told her, they had paid £6 per head.

Notabedofroses · 03/06/2019 18:31

I would feel a bit second tier.
You have made the effort to get ready, but a gift I assume and maybe outfits, babysitters etc to be met with a congealed sausage bap is not especially welcoming.

Did they provide drinks at least? I think this would be the most important aspect for me GrinWine

Notabedofroses · 03/06/2019 18:32

Did they provide a napkin with said sausage?

RoyEastmannKodak · 03/06/2019 18:33

Bloody hell. So many comments on here are the exact reason why, when I get married again, we are doing it minimally, for us, how we want and can afford.

People have weddings in accordance with their wishes and financial capabilities.

People that receive an invitation to share all or part of the day should see that as as the honour that it is. And if it isn’t to their liking, politely decline to attend.

Bloody hell again Hmm

Pinkyyy · 03/06/2019 18:37

to be met with a congealed sausage bap is not especially welcoming

Nobody said it was congealed. Stop embellishing it.

Rtruth · 03/06/2019 18:38

Can see with that attitude why you only made the evening do.

You are there to celebrate a wedding not feed your face. God forbid someone lived in their means but still wanted you to be part of the celebrations.

RosaWaiting · 03/06/2019 18:39

BlackPrism "If you're not super close I'd be happy to be invited."

If I'm not super close, I just wonder why I've been invited - usually because the couple want a big showy wedding and gifts. I don't go.

OP I think it's reasonable to expect food at the evening thing but sadly I've been to enough weddings now to know that a lot of people have no issue with leaving guests hungry. it's batshit.

Notabedofroses · 03/06/2019 18:42

pinky all pork is congealed Smile

Zoejj77 · 03/06/2019 18:42

I would be disappointed with that too. I’ve been to one where it was just a bit of cheese! Problem is some venues only offer these cheap options so people take it. I think post 11pm that post 11pm the sausage bap might be welcome tho

Notabedofroses · 03/06/2019 18:45

roy it’s jot entirely effortless for the guest though is it, taxis, outfits, babysitters. Expense basically. Hardly an ‘honour’ to be invited for the evening having missed the whole point of the day.

You may feel you are bequeathing a special gift of an invite to your guests, without acknowledging the significant effort they are making to be there for you.

Eliza9919 · 03/06/2019 18:47

@Rtruth They aren't within their means though if they pay £££££ for the venue but can't afford to feed and water people properly.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 03/06/2019 18:49

I've been to a wedding and there has been bacon butties in the evening...fine, except. Vegetarian. As were several other guests. And there was NO vegetarian option. So I had dry bread because I was starving. Helped myself to a few slices of wedding cake to make up for it. Poor wedding etiquette not to provide for veggie guests!

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