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Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

To want to give BM the pasting she deserves

295 replies

volcano28 · 01/06/2019 07:58

Long story short -Steps sons mother has always been a total nightmare . All the usual stuff a lot of ppl experience. Her family are all enablers -she does what she likes when she likes with no thought for anyone else or the consequences and no one ever (inc my husband) call her out on it. Which I think makes people worse as they come to believe their behaviour is acceptable. What's really ticked me off is SS has done nothing al half term even though she doesn't work , has plenty of money and a car, he was supposed to be going to a theme park yesterday with some friends and their family near where we live -before coming here for the weekend -but she didn't wake him up in time so he missed it -so to try and spite my husband ss has missed out 😯 this is because we live 3 hours away so he has to drive to pick him up and drop him back for contact where as he could have been 20mins away! . I don't care about Dh having to drive I care about the fact she's put wanting to make Dh life harder (which it doesn't he's more than happy to drive any distance) before ss having a great day out . And I want to contact her and tell her how I feel -I've always had to 'rise above it ' for 14yrs ! But on the other hand she'd love it as getting a reaction 😣 maybe I just needed a bit of a rant get it off my chest

OP posts:

Milicentbystander72 · 01/06/2019 09:41

Wow this thread is disgusting. I've been around MN for nearly a decade and this kind of shit really let's MN down.

I'm all for a pile on when the OP is insulting or downright ridiculous, but this is not the case here.

OP, I have a 14 yr old. I agree with others that it's been hard to get them to do anything this half term except watch Netflix and make popcorn. However, we're going on a dog walk today and they will be coming. Trying to get them out of bed has been super hard this morning so far.

However, 2 weeks ago my 14 went on a trip with school where they had to get up at 6am to start. No problem getting up then.

I Do perhaps think your SS wasn't that bothered about going? If his mum sells his phones (awful btw) then maybe buy him an old fashioned battery alarm clock for a few pounds instead?

ladymariner · 01/06/2019 09:42

We don't know the financial position, if she is struggling to feed her children and has debt collectors banging at her door, then selling a phone would be acceptable in my view.
The fact they can't afford the internet supports the idea that she is under pressure financially. It would be wrong of us to judge her in any way if this is the case.

Where does it say any of that? Debt collectors banging at the door?? Talk about an overactive imagination...

Original poster

volcano28 · 01/06/2019 09:46

He was woken up by 4&5 year olds at 8 this morning so I think he was left well some yesterday morning

OP posts:

strawberrisc · 01/06/2019 09:47

I wouldn't let the 'hive mind' stop me from posting anything.

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/06/2019 09:47

We don't know the financial position, if she is struggling to feed her children and has debt collectors banging at her door, then selling a phone would be acceptable in my view

Ergh. Selling something someone else gave your child to pay off debt is not and never will be acceptable.

Theres a lot of vile posters on here today. Ive reported at least 6 or 7 posts for personal attacks.

Dss is 14 and if i knew he needed to get up for something i would make sure hed set an alarm. If he then didnt get up id wake him up because im not a dick and i wouldnt want him to miss out. 14 yos should be responsible for their own time keeping but lets face it theyre not. Why would you want your own child to miss out? Equally ive made sure dss was up and ready for contact with his mum and tbh i hate her but i still do it because its for ss, and again im not a dick.

Pinkvoid · 01/06/2019 09:48

Birth Mother is used for adopted children, not step-children.

He is at least 14? If not older so could have set an alarm himself, he doesn’t need his Mother to be his alarm. I had an alarm to get myself up for school every day at that age, many teenagers do.

Wheresthebeach · 01/06/2019 09:49

I’m amazed people would just let their kid sleep and miss out. I think that’s really odd.

Of course he should have been woken up. Who would let their kid miss out on something lovely? I’d wake up an adult if they’d overslept.

Sorry OP - Mumsnet is not Step Mum friendly. You’re right to be cross and upset on your SS behalf.

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/06/2019 09:52

Its weird because on this thread 14yos should be responsible and independant but on another thread apparently 25yos need child maintenance and a 20yo man should be able to treat his SM like shit because he's "shocked" - so which is it MN should we be babying our teens and young adults or should we be expecting them to be independent as soon as theyre a teen? Or is just that if youre a step mum youre in the wrong whatever you think, do, or say?

MNHQ

SophieLMumsnet · 01/06/2019 09:53

Hello, everyone.

We've deleted some pretty unkind posts this morning so we're calling for a bit of peace and love here - and waving the Talk Guidelines flag.

LakieLady · 01/06/2019 09:54

He's not allowed a phone -every phone we have given him has been taken and sold

WTAF? That's appalling behaviour - far worse than not getting a surly teen up to go to a fucking theme park!

Thehop · 01/06/2019 09:56

His mum sounds crappy. I hope he has a nice weekend with you.

Hard to bite your tongue but I don’t think you have much choice, sadly.

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 01/06/2019 09:57

Op, I think you need to take what your DSS says with a pinch of salt. I wonder what he tells his mum about you and his dad.

I'm not convinced that DSS stays with his mum because she 'needs him'. That sounds very heroic and self sacrificing. Are you sure it's not DS selling the phones?

AngeloMysterioso · 01/06/2019 09:57

Blimey people have gone all in on the OP this morning!

Regardless of whether or not your average pubescent boy is capable to rousing himself, was crappy of your DSS’s mother to not even put her head round the door and wake her kid up when his friends came to get him. How hard would it have been?

RebeccaWrongDaily · 01/06/2019 10:02

I think the phone selling, laying in etc. is what the kid's saying because it's easier to blame his mum for not wanting to be in regular contact / coming away for weekends to your house than it is to say 'Sorry, I just don't want to'.

He can't keep everyone happy. You seem to really dislike his mum, Imagine having to 'take sides' against her. Most 14 yo's don't want the row or don't care enough either way to dispute the narrative.

bigKiteFlying · 01/06/2019 10:02

I'd have got my child up - not least because of someone coming to pick them up and take them somewhere.

However, I recently had situation with a young than this child not picked after an event – separate parents bot with new families parents and it seemed to be piss poor communication and one upmanship.

Child was upset and slightly embarrassed and we were put out dropping them at nearest parental house, but it was more important to blame other parent than say thank you to us.

That was eye opening experience.

Motherof3feminists · 01/06/2019 10:06

Has she sold the phones though or is that what he's told you? If she has then yes, that's awful but maybe she has her reasons. We only have OPs side of things here and she obviously hates the mum. Seems to me is the step son had wanted to go to the theme park he'd have made sure he was up. At 15 I would t have wanted a 3 hour journey to see my dad and step mum who hates my mum.

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/06/2019 10:10

f she has then yes, that's awful but maybe she has her reasons

What reasons would those be because i cannot see any reason why she should do that?

For a feminist mother you surprise me being so down right vile to another woman.

HoppingPavlova · 01/06/2019 10:17

.....was crappy of your DSS’s mother to not even put her head round the door and wake her kid up when his friends came to get him. How hard would it have been?

It’s great if it’s that easy. Some of mine were that easy. One was not. Think 30mins minimum of screaming/shouting to get up, literally bouncing on their bed, ripping doona off, being yelled at for trying to get them up etc. Stuff that. The only thing that addressed it was school detentions and missing out on things they wanted to go to but missed due to sleeping in. Sometimes it’s not so simple and the best choice is to throw your hands up and say not my problem anymore.

Armadillostoes · 01/06/2019 10:19

OP YANBU-Some posters are.venting hatred because of their own issues. The fact is that some parents (male and female) are NOT trying their best and need to be called on it by other adults. The welfare of a minor child always outweighs the needs and feelings of an adult, however sad their circumstances. Whilst not going to a theme park isn't a welfare issue, game playing and emotional abuse certainly are.

Bloomburger · 01/06/2019 10:20

On this occasion the 14 year old is at fault not his mother. If he really was that bothered about going he should have set the alarm on his phone and got his arse out of bed.

By going to get him your DH is enabling his immature behaviour.

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/06/2019 10:21

By going to get him your DH is enabling his immature behaviour

Should he just not see his son then?

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/06/2019 10:22

And bloom if you had been arsed to read the thread youd know he does not have a phone.

Hullygully · 01/06/2019 10:27

When you read nasty thick stupid posts that are simply an excuse for posters to squeeze their bile spots all over Mn, you begin to understand Brexit more clearly.

OP, just ignore.

You are in an impossible position, just be as kind to dss as you can/are and wait a few more years.

Iamnotagoddess · 01/06/2019 10:28

Most 14 year olds I know can use an alarm and I have had 6 of them so 🤷‍♀️

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/06/2019 10:28

Would you all seriously let your kids miss out on something like this just to teach them a lesson?

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