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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to give BM the pasting she deserves

295 replies

volcano28 · 01/06/2019 07:58

Long story short -Steps sons mother has always been a total nightmare . All the usual stuff a lot of ppl experience. Her family are all enablers -she does what she likes when she likes with no thought for anyone else or the consequences and no one ever (inc my husband) call her out on it. Which I think makes people worse as they come to believe their behaviour is acceptable. What's really ticked me off is SS has done nothing al half term even though she doesn't work , has plenty of money and a car, he was supposed to be going to a theme park yesterday with some friends and their family near where we live -before coming here for the weekend -but she didn't wake him up in time so he missed it -so to try and spite my husband ss has missed out 😯 this is because we live 3 hours away so he has to drive to pick him up and drop him back for contact where as he could have been 20mins away! . I don't care about Dh having to drive I care about the fact she's put wanting to make Dh life harder (which it doesn't he's more than happy to drive any distance) before ss having a great day out . And I want to contact her and tell her how I feel -I've always had to 'rise above it ' for 14yrs ! But on the other hand she'd love it as getting a reaction 😣 maybe I just needed a bit of a rant get it off my chest

OP posts:
ChubbyCurryFan · 01/06/2019 08:39

I think @Ellisandra has got out of bed on the wrong side this morning. Get off OP's back.

TheSerenDipitY · 01/06/2019 08:40

14 year olds arnt the best time keepers or great at getting up early independently.
really???
must be in the teaching
my kids 10 and 18 both get themselves up and ready and then they come let me know they are ready and i get up and take them to school, very very rarely do i need to get them up ( i do get up and check they are up and then go back to bed... cause mine like to get up an hour and half to two hours earlier than needed)

sweetkitty · 01/06/2019 08:43

OP - I think your getting a bit of a hard time and being called a count is just un-called for. No one knows that this is probably just another thing in a long line of things that’s pissed you off and you just needed a place to rant.

I’m quite Shock at a 14 year old without a phone, it’s where most of them live their lives these days and I would imagine essential for your DH to contact his DS.

My 14 yo DD1 has an alarm clock she’s sets for 7am every morning to get up and do her make up for school, at the weekend though you never see her before 10.30am then it’s about 2 hours to get ready to go out to see friends.

Darkstar4855 · 01/06/2019 08:43

Hang on, who is taking and selling his phones? His mum?

Has he complained about “not being entertained” or is this you projecting? My 12yo stepson would happily spend the whole of half term entertaining himself on his x box if given the chance.

I feel like you are just pissed off about your husband having to drive further rather than genuinely concerned about your stepson.

dreamyspires · 01/06/2019 08:44

She sounds a nightmare from what you say. I can understand how you must feel.

Saying fuck off to the Op is unnecessary and not very nice is it. Shes said she didn’t realise it wasn’t an appropriate abbreviation. People are too ready to take offence sometimes.

huggybear · 01/06/2019 08:44

The person who used the c word - take a long hard look at yourself.

diddl · 01/06/2019 08:45

No internet?

Doesn't he have homework that needs it?

Is it his mum or him selling the phones?

Stressedout10 · 01/06/2019 08:45

This reply has been deleted

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CanILeavenowplease · 01/06/2019 08:45

Yeah, TheSeren, we’re all utterly shite parents. Well done you.

MrsLindor · 01/06/2019 08:46

My teen is slightly older and still hasn't mastered the art of setting an alarm because Mum (me) gets her up, it's something we're working on. This half term I've been at work (scum bag single working mother paying the bills) but with some texting and phone calls she managed to get up to meet friends for days out twice. The rest of the week she hasn't even got dressed. From 13 onwards they don't need close supervision and a full schedule of half term activities.

Suebnm · 01/06/2019 08:46

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IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 01/06/2019 08:47

Selling the phones seems like unacceptable behaviour. Is there a back story to that? I do think it takes a hard parent to deliberately allow their child to miss a day out with friends, to make a point, but maybe he is going through a difficult phase behaviourally and she is trying to get control before he goes off the rails. It's hard to say without knowing more about them. Maybe she is awful but maybe as the resident parent she is seeing things that you are not.

dreamyspires · 01/06/2019 08:47

@Stressedout10 Just nasty.

Original poster
volcano28 · 01/06/2019 08:47

She has sold every phone we've given him -on Facebook marketplace , so we've given up . She will only allow Dh to contact her and speak to her about ss

I thought this was a place for mums if all different backgrounds and situations to talk and offer advise.
I've been told to Fuck off and been called a Cunt -which actually says more about the posters than it does me

OP posts:
IndianaMoleWoman · 01/06/2019 08:48

Aside from the theme park issue, if I understand this scenario correctly your SS has missed the lift to be near your house and stay for the weekend. Are you sure it’s not staying with you he is avoiding, rather than the theme park? Is your husband still driving the 3 hours to pick him up? Maybe he is just sick of doing a 6 hour round trip to see you and would rather spend the weekend at home. If he is 15ish then he’s probably within his rights to do contact on his terms. I don’t actually know, at what age do contact agreements end?

Foslady · 01/06/2019 08:48

Sorry but what 14 year old would take the blame for this when he can blame his mum?
I am a mum and my partner has children (one of a similar age, two older who are now legal adultsI don’t refer to myself as step mum, they have mums if there own, I’m dad’s partner who will help and support them in whatever way they need and I can).
I think you need to let it all go - you don’t know what is being done/said in their home, or what is being said about you. I work on the rule of what happens in their house so long as it is not abusive is none of my business, the same as what happens in my home.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/06/2019 08:49

I’ve reported the nasty post op. They’re against guidelines.

CanILeavenowplease · 01/06/2019 08:50

But the ‘advice’ you want is to be agreed with. Doesn’t always work that way, does it?!

Original poster
volcano28 · 01/06/2019 08:50

@Stressedout10
I dread to think what you're like in real life if this is how you spend your Saturday mornings

OP posts:
Overmaars · 01/06/2019 08:50

OP you won't win with this one because anyone who is a stepmother is always assumed to be a home wrecker and unreasonable harridan. These threads always go that way, whatever the back story.

But in the real world, teenagers actually enjoy going to theme parks with friends. And some teenagers aren't great at waking up in the morning. One son missed a cinema trip with friends because he fell back to sleep after I woke him up and went out. The fact that she has actually sold phones you've brought for him is appalling. You can't win with someone like that and she's clearly vindictive.

Is there no way he could get the a train, so he can be picked up a bit nearer in future? My sons started getting trains from that age. Failing that, you're nearly at the point where he will become more independent and you can stop having to deal with this shit. I wouldn't engage with her directly though. It won't end well.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 01/06/2019 08:54

What has your husband said about all this? Would he apply for full residency if he feels his son is not being well treated?

Original poster
volcano28 · 01/06/2019 08:54

@Stressedout10
Bitter and nasty are the perfect words to describe your responses-calling me a cunt 👏👏👏 bravo for being a foul mouthed idiot on the internet . You would never have the nerve to say those things to me in person

OP posts:
ChubbyCurryFan · 01/06/2019 08:55

So many nasty keyboard warriors this morning.

Original poster
volcano28 · 01/06/2019 08:55

Dh has offered ss the option of living with us -as he has done before but he feels his mother needs him

OP posts:
bevelino · 01/06/2019 08:56

OP, I feel sorry for your step son’s mother being left to raise a newborn by herself while her dp was getting with you.

The mother has had to put up with you for the whole of her child’s life and in my view has very good reasons not to like you.