Parents babysitting, left son home alone!

[oldtiredlonely]

So tonight I went out and asked my parents to babysit. Asked them a week ago they said fine, all good! However, DS called me at 10:45 to say my parents were still not back from the pub!

I know they go most evenings, have a couple and as far as I knew were home by 9. DS is 13 so I don't really have a problem with that. But I won't leave him home alone past 9:30/10.l (I rarely go out anyway but that's another post).

When he called saying they weren't home I text and called my mum and got no reply. DS text 5 minutes later to say they were home.

My mum then text to say 'At home and have been since 22 45. Sorry did'nt see message xx'

I replied saying DS had called to say you weren't home to which she replied 'Why! He has'nt been down since we came in. So what was the problem ?'

I sent 'He was home alone past a time I'm comfortable with. I asked you to babysit so that he wasn't home alone! It's my decision whether I leave him home alone or not. Not yours. Don't worry I won't put you in that position again.'

To which she replied 'Sorry you feel like that . We did'nt go out till gone 8. My apologises. Xx'

AIBU to assume that if my mum says she'll babysit she'll actually be at home?

Did you specify a time you wanted them to start baby sitting?

At 13 I would be relaxed. Is the pub a long way from your parents' house? Had you said a time that was ok to you?

They were there when I dropped him off and never mentioned they were going to the pub. They know I don't want him home alone past a certain time, or I'd have left him in his actual home on his own!

We've had conversations before and they say 'he'll be fine on his own' and yes he probably would be fine but I don't feel comfortable with that yet. Surely they could have not gone to the pub for one night!! It's the first time I've asked them since March. So it's not like I ask them that often.

@namechange it's a five minute walk but my dads disabled so by the time my mums got him ready it would be maybe 15 minutes before they got there. But as she never answered when I called her mobile and replied an hour later it's irrelevant really as if he'd needed them they wouldn't have been there.

Honestly I wouldn't be happy. They could have just said no if they preferred going to the pub. Seems a bit sad that they couldn't have chosen a nice night in with their grandson?

Where they went,how far,why,for how long etc and even DS's age is absolutely irrelevant.

When you agree to babysit,you agree to actually be there with the child. If you can't,won't or can't be arsed to give up one evening to do it then you say no.

I think you might need to rethink whether or why you actually need a babysitter.
What different at 10.45 than at 10?
It is difficult but you and your child could agree what's what with or without your parents

I wouldn’t be happy either. It’s out of order. You could have kept him home, you trusted them. Pretty rubbish really. Hopefully your mum will realise.

They should have consulted you. In addition to leaving him alone they came back to finish the job not completely sober, unless they teetotaled at the pub.

13 is borderline to be left alone briefly (assuming a sensible kid) but that was your call, not theirs.

YANBU. If they said they would babysit, they should do so - by being in the same house as the child they are babysitting. Doesn't matter if they think he is old enough to be left. You don't, and you are the person whose opinion counts. I wouldn't leave them in charge again.

If you are happy to leave him til 10, then I can see why they thought it was OK til 10.45.what actually changes during those 45mins

That's just it. If I decide to leave him home alone that's up to me. And he is often home alone during holidays and for a couple of hours after school each day. But if they've said they'll babysit then they should be there. It's not their decision to make.

If DS felt comfortable being home alone at that time of night he wouldn't have called me to say they weren't home yet.

I didn't get home till almost midnight so I asked them to babysit so that I didn't have to worry about rushing home.

It's a whole other can of worms if he mentions to his dad 'mum went out and nana left me alone while she and grandad were at the pub all night'

10 is the time me and DS have sat down and discussed and that's the time he was comfortable with too

If he was knackered and wanted to go to bed at 10 he would have had to do so in an empty house and would have been quite vulnerable.

If he’s a mature 13 year old I can’t really see an issue, not sure what changes in those extra 45 minutes. I also don’t see why or how he’s more vulnerable if asleep, in what way? If a burglar were to get in what would he do if he was awake? Does he have a black belt or something?

I think you’re overreacting.

I don't think this is a safety issue as he is 13. However I do think it's sad that they couldn't skip the pub for one night to spend some time with their grandson. It seems pointless to say they will babysit and then go out and leave him.

I wouldn't be happy either.

Instead of going to the pub at 8 (as they can do every other night) they could have been spending the time with their grandson.

How the fuck can you babysit remotely from the pub.
So many things could have gone wrong.

It was a shitty thing to do. I'd be hurt and angry.

If this was a paid babysitter or a teenager or literally any other scenario everyone would be up in arms. It's the same thing - you had an arrangement to babysit and you don't expect your babysitter to go to the pub. It's totally out of order (and I think your mum knows it).

But if they've said they'll babysit then they should be there. It's not their decision to make.

They're your parents, not your employees though.

I think maybe you've shot yourself in the foot though as they won't babysit again, so what are you going to do with him?

I would be furious. You can't trust them.

This is more about what he might tell his Dad, than any danger he was in right?

It beats me why they needed to go to the pub at all if they knew they were looking after your son at their house? I find it a bit baffling. Surely they could not go for 1 night? I would not be happy.

I was left home with younger siblings at his age, often to 2 am.

Was your son uncomfortable being alone?