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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parents babysitting, left son home alone!

125 replies

oldtiredlonely · 01/06/2019 00:00

So tonight I went out and asked my parents to babysit. Asked them a week ago they said fine, all good! However, DS called me at 10:45 to say my parents were still not back from the pub!

I know they go most evenings, have a couple and as far as I knew were home by 9. DS is 13 so I don't really have a problem with that. But I won't leave him home alone past 9:30/10.l (I rarely go out anyway but that's another post).

When he called saying they weren't home I text and called my mum and got no reply. DS text 5 minutes later to say they were home.

My mum then text to say 'At home and have been since 22 45. Sorry did'nt see message xx'

I replied saying DS had called to say you weren't home to which she replied 'Why! He has'nt been down since we came in. So what was the problem ?'

I sent 'He was home alone past a time I'm comfortable with. I asked you to babysit so that he wasn't home alone! It's my decision whether I leave him home alone or not. Not yours. Don't worry I won't put you in that position again.'

To which she replied 'Sorry you feel like that . We did'nt go out till gone 8. My apologises. Xx'

AIBU to assume that if my mum says she'll babysit she'll actually be at home?

OP posts:
CanuckBC · 01/06/2019 02:09

I would not be happy! You asked if they could babysit and they said yes. Babysitting, no matter the age of the child, entails being present with the child. Not going off somewhere else leaving the child home alone!

If you wanted the child home alone you would have left the child at home, alone!

They should have nixed the pub for one bloody night and stayed in and gotten to know their grandson a bit better. He will remember this. That they preferred the pub to spending time with him.

Sweetpea55 · 01/06/2019 02:11

So you asked them to babysit and they agreed but still had to go to the pub???

Sarahfromtheblock · 01/06/2019 02:12

So many odd things here...

Grandparents pretending to babysit
Having to go to the pub (are they alcoholics?)
Drinking when supposedly babysitting
You not getting in until midnight, why didn’t you go pick your son up? You knew he was alone and couldn’t contact your parents
Your son was obviously scared enough to ring...
It doesn’t add up.

TSSDNCOP · 01/06/2019 02:28

They are home and he is ok.

But you know now that in future you will need to rule them out as minders.

Lydja · 01/06/2019 02:52

As mentioned by pp why could you not have gone back to pick him up?? You knew he was alone for almost an hour before your mom texted back..

However yes I would be mad either way no matter what age your son is.. and yes they are not you’re employees but you had an agreement with them and they couldn’t not go to the pub for 1 evening.. I would not trust them ever again to watch my child.. are they alcoholics??

Birdie6 · 01/06/2019 02:54

I agree with DimSumMum0 - surely if someone - grandparents or a paid babysitter - agrees to babysit, that is what they do. They don't decided "Oh DS is all right so we'll go to the pub". I'd be furious.

Lottle · 01/06/2019 03:21

YANBU

I don't think going to the pub at all is reasonable while babysitting. They are babysitting!

ChillaxingInMyKimono · 01/06/2019 03:33

YANBU.

Couldn't the ol' soaks have bought alcohol in, if the idea of going one evening without, was untenable.

ConfusedConfused

Durgasarrow · 01/06/2019 03:44

If they said they would be there and watch them, then they shouldn't be at the publ

Ferii · 01/06/2019 05:05

This isn't ok, if someone's agreed to babysit they actually have to be there. I'd also not want them turning up half cut and looking after my child no matter how old the child. They could have at least taken him to the pub with them if its a family friendly kind of thing. If your parents go every night sounds like they have an alcohol problem...

janetforpresident · 01/06/2019 05:08

Yanbu. There ibs a difference between 10 and 10.45 as a 13 year old might want to go to bed between those times and would possibly feel nervous doing that alone in an otherwise emoty house. Even if your reason was truly random or superstitious and even if he were 16 it's your decision, not theirs.

The saddest thing here is that they chose to go to the pub instead of spending some quality time with DS .1

The pp who said you have shot yourself in the foot because now you have lost them as babysitters was surely being ironic!! They didn't actually babysit!

WindsweptEgret · 01/06/2019 05:36

YANBU, I don't like to leave my 13 year old past 10pm, a young teen may be waiting up for an adult to get home before feeling safe to turn lights off and go to sleep.

OKBobble · 01/06/2019 05:57

As you say 10 is the time that you and DS discussed as him being comfortable but did you actually have that conversation with your parents too before you went away rather than during.

If not I think you are being a bit harsh. After all if DS says yes Mum goes out and leaves me alone or if you said he could be left alone but without saying but not after 10 how were they supposed to guess?

Limpshade · 01/06/2019 06:05

"I think maybe you've shot yourself in the foot though as they won't babysit again, so what are you going to do with him?"

They were at the pub, not babysitting, so I'm not sure the OP has lost anything here!

I'd be annoyed, OP. Could they each have an alcohol problem? I can't imagine else why they would feel unable to have a single night away from the pub?

wonderingsoul · 01/06/2019 10:18

What you would comfortable doesnt really matter does it? The point is the OP parents broke her trust.

And for what it's worth I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my 13nyear old past 10 ethier.

Original poster
oldtiredlonely · 01/06/2019 11:43

As you can see from the original post ...

When he called saying they weren't home I text and called my mum and got no reply. DS text 5 minutes later to say they were home.

I was in the process of trying to get a taxi when he text to say they were home!

My dad is an alcoholic (and has subsequently had a stroke so is no longer the arsehole he was when we were kids, he sits watching crap tv or plays games on the tablet). My mum isn't but she is my dads full time carer and I do understand that the pub is the only time most days she has anyone to talk to. I just think if she couldn't give up one night then she should have said she couldn't babysit.

I don't leave my son on a regular basis on an evening. I think maybe twice he's been left till 9:30 / 10 ish. I don't really have a social life and one of the reasons I moved back to my home town last year was for the support of my parents/family after 13 years living a four hour drive away. My night out was a 'meet up' group thing in a desperate attempt to make some friends.

If DS tells his dad it doesn't really matter I suppose, but it would piss me off because he would I think I was a bad parent, when I thought I had left DS in my parents care. I do know I shouldn't care what he thinks.

OP posts:
Hearthside · 01/06/2019 11:49

I dont think yabu op .I wouldn't leave my DC who is nearly 13 at that time of night .Daytime is ok for them to have be on their own for a bit , lots people around etc .But 10pm it's dark and if there is an emergency it is a lot scarier in the dark .They broke your trust i would not be happy at all .

BarbarianMum · 01/06/2019 11:56

Your mum is your dad's full time carer but you moved back home so she could support you too? Poor woman!

FreeYoHairin2019 · 01/06/2019 12:01

Absolutely not ok. The concept of babysitting is that the ‘baby’ has someone in the house to supervise them. It doesn’t matter that the baby in question is 13. You asked your DPs to babysit for a certain time. Going out or arriving late is just not on.

MereDintofPandiculation · 01/06/2019 12:11

I know they go most evenings, have a couple and as far as I knew were home by 9. So if you knew this, you should have double checked, or made your expectations clear. If you said "I'm OK with him being on his own till 9.0, but I'm asking you to babysit and be in the house with him from 9.0 onwards, ane to be contactable by him before then", then she could have sad "sorry, I can't do that".

I just think if she couldn't give up one night then she should have said she couldn't babysit. She has different expectations from you of what is required in babysitting a 13 year old. You can't expect her to say "no I can't do it" if according her standards she's perfectly able to, and she is unaware of your expectations. You may think you are asking her to give up one night, but from her point of view you're asking her to have your son at her house, and you know her normal routine, so obviously you're OK with that.

PottyPotterer · 01/06/2019 12:26

What different at 10.45 than at 10?

Well at the moment it's light at 10pm, dark at 10.45. Lots of young teens would be uneasy about being home alone after dark.

YANBU OP, shame they couldn't have taken the opportunity to spend some time with their GS. I'd be disappointed in your shoes too.

anothernotherone · 01/06/2019 12:35

They should have just said no. That's really the crux of it - you asked them to babysit and they said yes but didn't do it.

If they'd said no you might have made other arrangements - most obviously you'd have planned to be home yourself by 10pm, as you know that your son feels worried alone after that time.

It's the deceit that's annoying - sure we'll babysit, we're always here for you [actually that's a lie we won't babysit, we'll sod off to the pub and assume that you'll never know and think you owe us one].

Honest communication would have led to you planning differently and leaving your 13 year old in his own home but coming home earlier yourself.

Hearthside · 01/06/2019 12:51

BarbarianMum i think you are being really unfair there .OP obviously isn't asking for full time support she asked for one night's baby sitting so she could go out and try make new friends .What is the harm it that .Op mum could have said no i can't do she did wrong to go out and leave Op's DS .

timeisnotaline · 01/06/2019 12:54

If they can’t not go to the pub for a night then aren’t they alcoholics? Which to me means you need to think about them and whether they can care for your son differently. (Yes I know he’s 13)

Daenerys77 · 01/06/2019 13:02

Could they not give the pub a miss for once and bring a bottle of wine/crate of lager/whatever it is they apparently have to have on a daily basis?

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