Parents babysitting, left son home alone!

[oldtiredlonely]

So tonight I went out and asked my parents to babysit. Asked them a week ago they said fine, all good! However, DS called me at 10:45 to say my parents were still not back from the pub!

I know they go most evenings, have a couple and as far as I knew were home by 9. DS is 13 so I don't really have a problem with that. But I won't leave him home alone past 9:30/10.l (I rarely go out anyway but that's another post).

When he called saying they weren't home I text and called my mum and got no reply. DS text 5 minutes later to say they were home.

My mum then text to say 'At home and have been since 22 45. Sorry did'nt see message xx'

I replied saying DS had called to say you weren't home to which she replied 'Why! He has'nt been down since we came in. So what was the problem ?'

I sent 'He was home alone past a time I'm comfortable with. I asked you to babysit so that he wasn't home alone! It's my decision whether I leave him home alone or not. Not yours. Don't worry I won't put you in that position again.'

To which she replied 'Sorry you feel like that . We did'nt go out till gone 8. My apologises. Xx'

AIBU to assume that if my mum says she'll babysit she'll actually be at home?

How irresponsible and selfish of your parents. Don't get them to babysit again. No respect for your wishes. A night out at the pub is so important, so be it. I wouldn't be round to visit for a long time.

Stop asking them to assist you.

I would be fuming also. I totally agree with u. I would not leave my Ds at home after a certain hour also and I would not leave my son In their care if they hve been drinking. Why did they agree to babysit then go to pub?? Surely they could hve missed pub fir 1 night to spend the evening with their grandson and then lie that they were home. I would never ask them again. Ur right to be annoyed! Very selfish of them.

The kid is 13. If he is sleepy, go to bed. It is not like ww3 will start during that 45 minutes.

What was the point of them babysitting? They weren’t- they were in the pub.

He’s 13!!!
Does he have some kind of disability? Otherwise he’s old enough to be babysitting other children. What exactly is it you’re worried about?!

I'm another who agrees that it doesn't matter how old he is, the fact is you asked them to babysit and they spent the night at the pub instead.

They were bloody disrespectful to you and your DS. What’s wrong with people like this?

Why people keep asking if he has a disability? Children and parents are different and not every child likes to be home all alone after dark. I have a 13 years old and he is very independent and although he doesn't say I suspect he would be uneasy to be left alone past his bedtime. Would you be happy to leave a 13 old go out alone past 10? If you leave him alone, what's to stop him going out? Even older teenagers need supervision to some extent

To all the people saying it’s only 45 mins what’s the big deal. What if you set your child a curfew and they were 45mins late would it be a big deal then? If not why set curfews. You asked your parents to babysit. I certainly wouldn’t have expected my sitter to go to the pub. I wouldn’t be happy

Regardless of age, I'd be fuming with that! They deliberately didn't tell you they were going out & leaving him alone? If they can't forego a night's drinking for ONE night, to look after their grandson, then they have a problem.

Next time stay in OP! You can hardly moan at your DM when you still went out knowing your babysitter was also going out.

@Xmas2020 which thread are you reading?!

Xmas2020 Are you deliberately misunderstanding? I have seen you make comments, such as your one above, that make no sense, on several threads today.

My son is 14 and I wouldn’t leave him that late. I wouldn’t be happy with DGPs. Having said that, all these comments on them prefering to go out rather than spend time with grandson. What about the parent rather go out than spend time with son? That’s different I guess.

@AtSea1979 this was my first night out/away from my DS since my birthday in March. I'm a single parent, it's (mostly) just the two of us, we're ALWAYS together! The vast majority of the time, if I'm not at work, I'm at home with him.

No he doesn't have special needs. There are no laws regarding how old kids need to be before being left on their own. But if I leave him home and something does happen, I'm still responsible!

I left him with my parents, who at no point mentioned that they were going out, to take away the worry of leaving him alone, and because he doesn't feel comfortable being home alone.

I'm not overprotective. But he's had a shitty couple of years and has had to 'grow up' very quickly due to circumstances beyond our control. I don't want to give him more responsibility than I need to, I want him to be a kid as long as possible. He was also assaulted at the park behind our house a couple of months ago which has made me a bit on edge.

Though even as I'm explaining myself I'm thinking that actually no, it's all irrelevant! They said they'd babysit and they should have! Saw my sister today and she said she'd told my mum that she sees my point and she wouldn't have been happy either. They used to babysit for my nephew pretty much every weekend and never did this when they had him!

It’s really not relevant what anyone else or their kids were doing at this age. This child and the op have decided between them where their cut off point for the child being alone is. That was 10pm. Op knew she would be out past that time so made the sensible decision to ask someone she should be able to trust to be there for her ds.

They agreed so they should have been there. If they wanted to go to the pub then they shouldn’t have said they could babysit.

I don’t think I would be angry, but I would be pretty bloody disappointed that they couldn’t put their grandson first for one evening.

What Minerva said. And OP, you sound like you've had a shit time and are still struggling now, when you thought you were making things better for yourself. Do not let any PP make you feel bad for going out or for your DS needing babysitter. For every "I stayed alone all night from the age of 3" there are more of us who did not, and would not be comfortable with our DC in the same situation. I bet if a news story broke about a 13yo coming to harm while alone they'd would be up in arms
So OP, YADNBU and I hope you're able to meet decent people very soon.

They used to babysit for my nephew pretty much every weekend and never did this when they had him!

What the fuck are your parents playing at?

As a grandparent myself, I would not agree to babysit then go out ffs. Regardless of the age of the grandchild!!
How about WANTING to spend time with said grandchild? Is alcohol really more important? Even if your mum doesn't have any one to speak to apart from your ailing father, surely chatting with your son would have been a lovely way to spend an evening?
I understand you want to revive your social life OP but I think maybe seeing about your son having a sleep over with a school friend would be better, for both of you....
He gets to make firmer bonds with new friends, you get a night out, and you can return the favour with the other childs parents and maybe make friends there too? Just a thought.
But I wouldn't be asking your parents again!!

The issue isn’t about being a mature 13 year old and the difference in 45 minutes. He obviously was of the understanding the 10 is the cut off time. Mature/vulnerable is variable in different situations. If someone had broken in or there was a leak, fire etc and he was awake, he would have a chance to call for help or leave the premesis safely. If he was desperate to sleep and in a deep sleep in a scenario like the above, he wouldn’t know what was going on and couldn’t act accordingly. There is a massive difference in 15 minutes to / past 10, and 15 minutes to 11. You don’t know what he was thinking if his grandparents return time wasn’t confirmed. I think @oldtiredlonely you may need to have a chat with them and put them in your shoes so they can understand why you are disappointed with them. Also have a chat to your son just to reassure him and make sure he isn’t too anxious. Well done to you though for having such a responsible child.

I kinda feel like, you should chill out a little. at 13 i used to babysit 4 kids. Your son realistically should be old enough to look after himself for 2 hours... If you keep treating him like a baby he won't have any skills to look after himself as he does get older. He was in the house and safe. I do think have a conversation with grandparents so that they understand as your rules should be abided by but if they didn't know i can understand why he was left alone.

YANBU - if they don't think DS needs to be looked after them don't agree to babysit. It's not like they told him they were going to the shop and went for just 5 minutes, they went to the pub for hours! They should have stayed with him.

Your mum has apologised! You have made your point! If you think she has listened then why are you still going on about it? Just move on...and either ask them to babysit or don't depending on how you feel about that!

When your son rang to say the grandparents were not back at 10.45 I think people are forgetting that this 13 year old didn't know at that time when the grandparents were coming back, he didn't know if they would be drunk from the pub and probably didn't know what he should do. That could be unnecessarily stressful for a young teen, which is something OP was trying to avoid.
OP you deserve a night out and you deserve reliable babysitters what ever age your son. and its your right to decide when the time is right for him. I hope you can find some better solutions. I thought the sleepover idea was a good one.