Parents babysitting, left son home alone!

[oldtiredlonely]

So tonight I went out and asked my parents to babysit. Asked them a week ago they said fine, all good! However, DS called me at 10:45 to say my parents were still not back from the pub!

I know they go most evenings, have a couple and as far as I knew were home by 9. DS is 13 so I don't really have a problem with that. But I won't leave him home alone past 9:30/10.l (I rarely go out anyway but that's another post).

When he called saying they weren't home I text and called my mum and got no reply. DS text 5 minutes later to say they were home.

My mum then text to say 'At home and have been since 22 45. Sorry did'nt see message xx'

I replied saying DS had called to say you weren't home to which she replied 'Why! He has'nt been down since we came in. So what was the problem ?'

I sent 'He was home alone past a time I'm comfortable with. I asked you to babysit so that he wasn't home alone! It's my decision whether I leave him home alone or not. Not yours. Don't worry I won't put you in that position again.'

To which she replied 'Sorry you feel like that . We did'nt go out till gone 8. My apologises. Xx'

AIBU to assume that if my mum says she'll babysit she'll actually be at home?

It's another one of threads where I just don't get what PPs are on about.

If I ask someone to babysit, I expect them to be there with my child, not at the pub. I can babysit from the pub.

My brother was an alcoholic sociopath, and even he didn't babysit us from the pub!

My son was fine to be alone all day at home when he was 13, but he would have felt very vulnerable alone at night in someone else's house. I certainly wouldn't be taking him to someone else's house for them to go out to the pub.

OP, do you have friends who would babysit for you? It's the sort of thing me and my mates would do for eachother when kids were early teens - with a bottle of wine as payment cos it wasn't really doing anything, it would literally just be being there watching telly or using wifi or whatever.

Those saying there is no difference between 10 pm and 10.45 pm, well by that logic if 10.45 pm would have been fine - why not midnight then? Why do you think the OP asked her parents to babysit at all

Exactly.

Surely we can all acknowledge that while it's fine for most 13YOs to be at home alone, we probably wouldn't be OK with them being alone overnight (especially in someone else's house), so at some point - 9.30, 10pm, 11, midnight, whenever - an adult would need to be present.

Something doesn't magically happen at that point in the evening to make it less safe for them - any more than something magically happens between, say, the ages of 11-13 as to when a child could safely be left home alone in the evening.

The OP asked her parents to babysit because - like most normal people - she doesn't want her 13YO alone late at night.

I'd be fuming too OP 😤

YANBU at all.

It doesn't matter how old he is! If I was asked to babysit a 30 year old, it isn't my place to leave them and go to the pub. I've been asked to babysit so I would babysit!

this ^

If Grandparents felt he didn't need someone, or if they felt they didn't want to miss their night in the pub, then they could have said so at the time, and OP could have decided to either not go out, come home early, talk with ds about being home alone, asked a friend if he could sleepover, or asked another sitter.

But they didn't.
They agreed to stay in with him, then ignored the fact they had promised that, and went out and left him.
Can't believe anyone is defending that.

You're within your right to feel how you do
I wouldn't be happy at all. X

@Bookworm4 you completely ignored the point I made.

@book I really don't mollycoddle him. He goes out with his friends locally and into town on his own, spends time in the house on his own almost every day.

However. Neither of us want him home alone late at night. And it wasn't my parents decision to make.

I don't really have any friends to do the babysitting share thing with, that's why I was out socialising with strangers, trying to make friends.

I was totally isolated before I moved and thought coming back would make life easier for me and my son, and mean I could help my parents more. I'm actually more lonely here surrounded by family than I was down south.

YANBU

If they wanted to go out, they shouldn't have agreed to babysit.

Though, as you know they are alcoholics/go to the pub every night, it would have been sensible to double check with them whether they were planning to go and for how long. If you'd had that conversation in advance and agreed they would be going out for an hour or two you'd have all been clear what to expect.

Forget about the hour, the child is old enough to stay on his own for a while but if they are not even picking up calls when they are in charge, nobody is babysitting at all.

YANBU.
A lot could have happened in that time they were down the pub. Not willing to miss it for one night for their grandson is pretty bad. You expected them to be looking after him and trusted them to do so.
He may be 13 but that's besides the point.
Definitely out of order.

A 13 year old needs a babysitter?

Does he have SEN? 14 year olds were babysitting me when I was young (7/8ish!)

If they agreed to babysit then they should have kept their word .
You asked them and they agreed and then went to the pub.
You were right and clearly your son was unhappy when he contacted you.
I would be unhappy at them not only going to the pub, but failing to keep their word.

10pm isn't that late, it's only just getting dark at that time now.

BUT, they should have respected your wishes.

YANBU - they were there when you dropped him off and I would expect someone babysitting to stay there!!

YANBU. I would question why my parents didnt want to spend time with their grandson. If your mum is lonely, surely a chance to catch up with her grandson would be welcome? I would be furious.

YANBU. If you don't want to babysit someone's child, or you think they don't need a sitter, then you say no when asked. You don't just piss off to the pub and leave the child alone!

I have a friend who has some (to me) batshit rules for her kids so I don't babysit them. She thinks my rules are batshit so she doesn't babysit for me. You don't just say yes then fuck off out.

Perhaps DS was concerned about your parents especially with DF having walking disability rather than he being on his own Nonetheless, I would expect anyone who says they will babysit to actually be in to babysit. Unless the fully understand your expectations then wouldn't bother with them again. Your DS getting older anyway.

" 'Sorry you feel like that "

That phrase alone would make me see red.

I think for 13 year olds, it is unnerving for them to go to bed alone in the house.

Totally unreasonable to agree to babysit and then fuck off to the pub til 10 to 11.

Or fuck off to the pub at all, if they had agreed to care for Ds.

Whether or not a 13 year old can be left alone is beside the point. If you felt your 13 year old could be left alone you clearly wouldn't ask for a babysitter. If they think you're being overprotective they can refuse to babysit and explain they think the DC13 doesn't need supervision. They shouldn't accept then go out!

I wouldn’t be happy either. My dad and his wife were meant to have my daughter for the weekend. She’s 9 and stayed there twice. When she got home she said, oh I stayed with j’s Parents all weekend, there nice. I’ve never meet her parents nor did they ask if it was ok, that was too go too the pub and beer tasting. Why my dad offered to have her I don’t know. I totally get where your coming from, why they couldn’t stay in for just the one night to spend time with him x

The time is irrelevant, if they said they would babysit they should have. I'm sorry this happened.

I wouldn't be happy but my children are still young so my perspective is off.

“f he was knackered and wanted to go to bed at 10 he would have had to do so in an empty house and would have been quite vulnerable.”

Eh?!?!

I wouldn't leave an 13 of alone at night. And the way your parents were not answering the phone he didn't even had an adult nearby he could reach out to in case of emergency. So you are not wrong. Accepting to babysit means being present.

Opened this thread expecting to see OP's son was 3 or something. He's 13....I'm not sure I would be too upset.