If you're female AIBU to ask if you're ok with male health professionals at all times and in any scenario?

[DockerDre]

It's just that question really.

Don't get me wrong, I am all about consent in healthcare. If I do not want someone touching me, I feel I should be able to request a different doctor. For me personally, this has nothing to do with sex or gender identity, but with the individual person and their bedside manner, for example.

Do the women on here saying that they don’t mind either way understand why some women might feel differently? And the reasons why they might feel that way?

But the question in the OP wasn't Should patients be able to choose the sex of their HCP it was as a female are you ok with a male HCP at all times and in all scenarios. My answer is yes, I am ok with a male HCP in any and all scenarios. For me. In answering the question I am not passing comment on anyone else's choice. I am simply answering the question asked.

As a side note I have recently had 2 colonoscopies. Both unbearably painful.

The first performed by a woman Dr. I was crying and begging her to stop. She carried on. The female nurse kept telling me to just breathe through the pain!!

2nd time I had a male Dr and the same female nurse. Again it was really painful. Nurse told me to breathe through the pain but the Dr stopped immediately.

That is why, for me, having a competent HCP is my choice, rather than their sex. Having a woman HCP doesn't guarantee a good experience, for me. My preference has no impact on anyone else.

I accept entirely everyone else's choice for themselves so please respect my choice for me.

Depends

And if I ask for a female I want a female not a male feeling that they should be female

At work we need patients to be partially undressed. We do get some female patients request no males, but then their consultant who will have examined them is male. I used to know a male colleague who got a bit offended about it saying they implied he was less professional than the doctor or less capable of his job than a female equivalent. We usually try to accomdate these requests but it isn't always possible. We also see men partially undressed but they never request men only.

Yes I even had a male midwife for my 2nd

In answering I am not passing comment on anyone else

Same, neither was I - was just answering the OP.

But it would be a bit difficult to individually address every poster who has said briskly “oh, it’s all about competence- what’s between their legs is immaterial” or something like that. It’s the robust tone that I find concerning

“To those who haven’t specified, do you understand why women might want to choose a female HCP”

Mental health - I can totally see why some women might prefer to see a female therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist, and why this option should always be there if requested.

I think I would be ok in most circumstances. However, not all women are and they should absolutely have the right to chose a female HCP should they wish without qualification or issue.

For all those who feel a male dr has behaved inappropriately may I ask whether you complained and if not why not? For as long as patients remain passive there will not be improvements.

Oh for fuck sake. Surely not.

How typical of MN. OP asks a question and doesn’t get the answers they expected so the parameters get changed to get the reaction they wanted.

I have found privacy more violated by female nurses "we're all women here" than by male or female doctors.

This! Twice now I've had female HCPs make me feel very uncomfortable when having to undress in front of them.
Once was at a mammogram. I had to undress in the room and she announced that she stayed in the room. Ok I guess but she literally watched me change.

2nd time woman Dr asked me to put on a gown and then stood there. When I paused she asked if I wanted her to leave. It felt very uncomfortable to say "yes".

In both of these examples I think the HCP should automatically leave not make the patient have to ask them to go

I have never had that with a male HCP because any that I have encountered have been very aware of privacy and boundaries which female HCPs appear to think don't matter simply because we are the same sex.

I think in some situations it's easier to ask for a female. A few years ago I needed an internal exam in my GP. There was no female doctor available for 6 weeks, so saw a male. He refused to do it and told me to wait to see the female but I was adamant I wanted to be seen as had waited long enough. In the end, he did it but because he was male, their policy was that there needed to be a female staff member present. So the receptionist had to come into the room and watch the procedure, which was inconvenient for them and uncomfortable for me.

There just seems to be an underlying vibe that the women who do mind are being unreasonable or snowflakey and the “proper” way to be is not to mind. And there is also a suggestion that minding must mean that you are worried about abuse or inappropriate behaviour

If I'm being honest, I don't think I do understand why some some women feel strongly about this unless it's due to abuse fears or conservative social practices. But then, there are lots of things I don't understand and find a bit daft which I still think people have a right to feel and to express preferences on and I'm sure it's the other way around - I will have my own preferences in life which many posters on here would find snow flakey and ridiculous (in fact, I know they do because they've told me quite loudly on other threads!). We're all different and we don't have to be in total agreement about what matters in life as long as we respect the fact that different people have different needs.

I’m ok with it yes.
In fact, the way the NHS is going I’m just glad to see a doctor at all.

Manclife, so true! What I think makes for the BEST discussion forum is for one question to be posed and then just a series of yes or no answers. No deviation, no debate. I mean, talking about the wider issues raised from the starting point of the OP is just totally cheating!

Cookie... why did the receptionist have to "watch the procedure"? That seems really weird.

I was repeatedly sexually abused by a woman as a young child. Society makes no accommodations for my trauma, and has never done so.

Do I understand women's preference for female HCPs and single sex spaces on some level? Yes. Do I know rationally my experience was rare and that the reverse is (much) more common? Yes. Does that mean I am always okay with the "women are safe and men are scary predators" rhetoric that dominates discourse and determines how we organise society and public spaces? No.

I used to know a male colleague who got a bit offended about it saying they implied he was less professional than the doctor or less capable of his job than a female equivalent

This just screams entitlement tbh. And exactly the kind of Male dr I would not want to see. It's not difficult to figure out why someone may choose a female dr the fact he cant see that means he didnt actually care about the patient at all. Makes you wonder why they even bother becoming a dr when they have such contempt for people exercising their right to decide who touches them

I'm always fine with it. However I completely understand why someone wouldn't be and I think the option should always be there, where possible.

OP asks a question and doesn’t get the answers they expected so the parameters get changed to get the reaction they wanted

Oh the irony so isn’t lost on me here.

I also think it’s not the case that the OP didn’t get the response she wanted. Most people have said that they think women should be able to choose. It’s a thankfully small number of posters who have argued that women should be forced to have male hcps.

I used to know a male colleague who got a bit offended about it saying they implied he was less professional than the doctor or less capable of his job than a female equivalent.

Why isn't that attitude addressed? It should be a topic during training and it should be robustly challenged every time it crops up.

And they OP posed the question of whether women would be happy to see a male hcp in any scenario. I don’t think it’s changing the parameters at all to then discuss the reasons why a lot of women are not comfortable with that. A hospital visit does not take place in a vacuum. A woman’s response to a man in a position of authority and power when she is vulnerable, partially dressed and exposed is of course influenced by the overwhelming level of male violence against women that exists on every level of society. All you need to do is listen to the news for two minutes to hear of a male crime against a woman or girl, every single day, often committed by professional and respectable men. Its perfectly reasonable for women to request a female hcp just as it’s reasonable for another woman to not mind. It’s important that we don’t take the choice away.

I am fine with it but there is a Dr at my surgery who refuses to see women for "female issues". It's a shame because he is a good doctor in my experience and I would prefer to see him than others.