I’m really concerned by the dismissive tone some people take and the minimising of differences to ‘what is in their pants’. Genitals are not the only difference between men and women. The suggestion that lesbian or bisexual female doctors are predatory is truly horrifying. It isn’t sexual attraction towards women that causes predatory behaviour. It’s about power, control and male entitlement. Female sexual offenders are in a vanishingly small minority - 98% of sexual crime and most violent crime is carried out by men. Women are right to be cautious around men and to uphold their boundaries. Is outrageous for other women to smugly and callously dismiss this with snide comments about ‘I don’t care what’s in their underwear’.
I’m also frustrated by the repeated assertion of ‘its competence that counts, not sex’. People receiving healthcare are often worried, anxious, frightened and vulnerable. It can be humiliating to be exposed and put in various positions for invasive procedures to be carried out. Being a doctor or nurse or consultant is not just about competence. It is about sensitivity, bedside manner, kindness and empathy as well. I’ve had wonderful male hcps treat me and my children who have all of these qualities in spades so I’m not saying it is a male-female divide, though funnily enough the only arrogant and rude male consultants I’ve encountered were those working in gynaecology. But there is a lot more to being a good doctor than pure competence and again, women should not be ridiculed or dismissed for wanting other qualities in whoever is delivering their treatment as well. Some women will never be comfortable with a male hcp. That should be respected.
Finally, the phrase ‘socially constructed ideas of privacy’ upthread is one of the most chilling things I have ever read. It makes the ulterior motive and agenda absolutely clear. Privacy is not a silly little idea formed out of social conditioning. It is absolutely vital for women’s safety and dignity.
I have sons; I’m married to a man. I have overwhelmingly positive experiences of men in my life. But I read the news. I followed the Me Too movement. I work with teenage girls. I understand that men pose a terrible threat to women - not all men, sure. But I know that men are upskirting, groping, catcalling, abusing and assaulting women in numbers that absolutely dwarf any predatory behaviour by women. I know that men will film and photograph women without their knowledge and consent. I know that men are the major consumers of violent, degrading pornography in which women are routinely tortured and humiliated as a matter of course in mainstream videos on mainstream sites and it is not happening to male performers on anything like the same scale. I know that women are trafficked, exploited and raped and that it is men who drive this trade and profit from it.
Not all men. Not the men that I know and love in my life. But predators do not wear a sign. Many, many of them are professional people who exploit their respectability and their power to access victims.
Just because a man is a competent professional does not mean he is not a predator or an abuser. I don’t see danger everywhere I go; I don’t routinely fear or shrink from men. But if I find myself in a vulnerable position with an unknown man, my instincts will tell me to be afraid. If that’s in a healthcare setting, I might want a female treating me and that is a right all women have.
When men stop harassing and attacking women; when I don’t read about little girls in India raped and murdered in toilets, when I don’t see tweets describing the everyday harassment of women going about their normal life, when I don’t pick up a newspaper and see rape and assault every single day committed by men against women, when men stand up and condemn pornography, when drug addicted and desperate women are not rented by men for sex, when women are not abducted and sold across the world - when we are truly on an equal footing then I’ll be blade as anyone else about my doctor being a man.
We aren’t there yet.