If you're female AIBU to ask if you're ok with male health professionals at all times and in any scenario?

[DockerDre]

It's just that question really.

Yep, they are professionals, nothing to do with their sex. I had a male midwife with my DD and he was the best. Same with various hospital admissions , both general illness and "secret women's business" illness, and I've had wonderful male and female nurses and doctors.

I genuinely couldn’t care less if it were a female or male HCP, even with intimidate examinations, as long as they’re competent and compassionate. That said, I believe people have the right to medical care from someone of their own sex, if that’s what makes them feel safe and comfortable. I don’t think we should question “why”, it should just be available. Clearly, dire emergencies are different but as a general rule, dignity should be preserved.

No.

Ok, to bring this back to what I intended to ask:

It's the one situation where their sex actually matters somewhat, but where it also becomes apparent too.

My postman? Some days it's a man, some days a woman. Doesn't bother me.
When it's my body? Yes
When it depends on someone being gentle or not? Yes, it matters to me.

As a female patient, I'd be screwed if I only wanted to be treated by female HCPs. I'm not that bothered really. But I do find women in general to be kinder and gentler. When you get to consultant stage the men seem kind too, but at the lower echelons of HCPs, I personally prefer dealing with women. Usually. Sometimes men are better. I'm just talking in general terms.

@DockerDre
I have my blood taken regularly in hospital and the male nurses are fab and not at all 'brutal' sounds like you've just had some bad experiences
There is one female nurse who has been with the department the whole 20yrs I've been going there, who is brutal but I chalk it up to her - she's also been grumpy for 20yrs although she does warm up a bit when I have the kids with me.

Yes, happy to have medical care even gynae stuff from males. So long as they're competent I'm not bothered..

I couldn’t give a stuff who sees me as long as I get seen to. Specifying one gender just means it’ll probably take longer to be seen. If I’m sick enough to see a HCP I am just grateful I’m being seen by someone who is qualified.

Do you also check if they are lesbian before they start or are we only assuming men can be sexual predators and what about gay men are they ok?

There’s always someone who has to use the homosexual line to tell someone that their boundaries are bigoted, which just shows them up their own bigotry. I’ve worked with, been treated by and even slept in the same bed as lesbians and guess what? They’ve never been inappropriate, because the fact that they’re female makes them LESS likely to behave in an aggressive or predatory manner!

No.

Not for personal or intimate matters, not even just discussing.

I don't even have faith in some female hcps in certain scenarios. I'm past the point now but I wouldn't have felt happy having a midwife that wasn't a mother, the health visitor I had that wasn't a mother was bloody useless! Though she admitted she also had no experience of childcare either prior to her training (that to me is a poor recruitment process issue)

But no, I don't want to be discussing gynae issues or contraception with a male hcp and I DEFINITELY don't want male hcps doing my smear or other intimate procedures.

I am a csa survivor which is a factor but not the only reason.

I don't trust men to have the same understanding, sympathy or appreciation of either physical or mental pain/distress caused by certain procedures.

Though again that can also be true of some hcps, I'm sick of hcps telling me I'm bloody imagining it/making a fuss that smears DO hurt me and cause me to bleed badly.

I've had times when I've felt I've had no option, emergency situations where there was no option and I coped but it wasn't ideal.

"And just in-case you're interested, that's biologically female, not just 'identifying as'." Yep! Damn straight!

"Statistically women are ore dismissive of female related health problems than male doctors." I'd be interested in the evidence of that.

"I think it’s bigotry to have an issue with the sex of the person providing healthcare. Load of nonsense which the NHS should never entertain." Oh really? And screw all of us that have been victims of sexual abuse or rape or dv or for whom it's a religious requirement?! ODFOD!

"a total lack of empathy isn’t something to be proud of!" Hear hear!!!

"The poster in question is male." Should've realised

Late to the party but yes, and I actually feel much more comfortable with make HCP. This has to do with my life and experiences. Everyone is different.

I thought I would be, but a male doctor did my first colposcopy and though I didn’t think it would be a problem, my body went into a weird panic mode on the chair and made everything very difficult. My arms and legs were literally shaking. So weird, and not the poor guys fault at all. Next two were with female practitioners and fine.

My only requirement of an HCP is competence. I do, however, fully support others who may wish to request a biologically female HCP.

However, I was talking in general terms, where you've got a rough man coming in to take your bloods or whatever else they want to be doing - my question referred to HCPs not specifically obs/gynae.
In general, I find women gentler for want of a better word.

My experience with male and female HCPs has been the complete opposite of yours. I have found that males are generally more respectful, explain what they are going to be doing, and do their best to make sure you are comfortable. Women tend to just assume you know what they are dong and push on with it.

The thing is, that you don't know if a HCP is going to be rough until they have begun to treat you, which is why you should be able to say 'stop' at any point if they are making you uncomfortable and ask for a different person.

Surely if your having a procedure done by a team (I.e an intimate operation) you can't expect, nor request, that they are all female ?

I had one female do my heart scan where i had to undress and i hated it. She made me feel very uncomfortable and i shot out of there.

Id prefer a male.

So far when I've had examinations or procedures done by men, I've been in a state where I couldn't give a shit

There seems to be an underlying assumption that no female HCPs are sexually interested in women. Some HCPs are bi/ lesbian.
I have no problem with that - my own GP is, but if you are going to assume your HCP is after a thrill there is no escape.

There seems to be an underlying assumption that no female HCPs are sexually interested in women.

what on earth are you on about?

I have no issues with any male HCPs.

Women should always have a choice. In fact, consent is a large part of being comfortable as a patient- male or female.

Obviously true emergency situations are different.

In a hospital setting, I don’t mind as I’d be there because I’m sick, need help immediately etc. It didn’t bother me having a male obstetrician do my instrumental delivery etc. However, in a gp setting, I do prefer to see a woman for gynae issues. Apparently everyone at my practice asks for a woman for the 6 week post natal check so must be quite a common time to have a preference.

I've yet to find a scenario where I've refused an HCP on basis of sex.

I refuse to see one GP in our surgery but that's because he's an arrogant ass

The lesbian/ sexual interest point is, as pointed out earlier, showing the posters own bigotry. I don’t reject a male midwife because he might fancy me I don’t care if a lesbian midwife fancies me. HCP both Male and female are gay, straight or bi like everyone else.

The point is, as others have explained:

Men are overwhelmingly more likely to sexually assault patients of either sex

Men think they know/ understand/ emphasie More than they do in reality (mansplanning)

Men don’t have female genitals/ periods/ pregnancies so have no idea what might hurt and how to be gentle. I’m sure many have learnt this over the course of their careers but imo, this is less reliable than a woman with a vagina doing it.

Incredible that you have to explain it, @Passthecherrycoke

It is isn’t it? 🤣 the things you find yourself doing on MN