how can i get my baby to sleep through the night?

[iamtinkabella]

i know its not an AIBU. But i am desperate for advice and am posting for traffic..
Long post as don't want to drip feed sorry!

So, my DD is waking so many times throughout the night. It ranges from her waking 3 times to more than 7 times. It is always for her bottle and ive tried everything i can think of (giving her water in the night, putting her to bed later, making sure she had a good bedtime routine, making sure she has enough to eat later on at tea ao that shes full up). She doesn't have a dummy which i am kind of gutted about because im ashuming that would settle her instead of a bottle but she won't take one. I am so tired im struggling to function. I am just desperate for her to not wake up as much throughout the night. I've asked the HV for advice many times and all she keeps saying is "baby's just want cuddles with mummy" and i love cuddling her but not 6 times throughout the night im exhausted. HV also said give her water instead of formula. The look on DD face when i even attempt to give her water is just a straight "no" she just will not take it. I am a single parent and have no other help so cannot even ask somebody to do a few night feeds to help me out. Please help or any advice?? i need sleep.

The answer as someone above said is getting little one to sleep at bedtime without the bottle. If you can do that it may not eliminate wakings completely but it will reduce them to those where little one is truly hungry/in need of comfort as opposed to moving through sleep cycles. I cannot believe posters are trying to convince you that this level of nights wakings is normal!

Christ. Babies do not need teaching to sleep.

For example, Americans really need babies to sleep. Why? Because they have almost no maternity leave so leaving a baby to developmentally normal sleep patterns makes it impossible to function and to work. So sleep training becomes a big thing. And when something is a big thing in America, it becomes a big thing here (as it did with my mum’s generation who often used CIO).

I can’t get my head round why people think that we should be attentive to babies 100% for 12 hours a day and then ignore them for 12 hours a day? It’s so odd.

I get it. Sleep deprivation is a killer, it definitely nearly killed me with two who rarely slept at the same time. But sleep training is not for a baby’s benefit, to help them “learn how to sleep” or especially learn boundaries. 11 month olds do not understand no, and there’s plenty of good teaching moments for this during the day!

It’s for the parents’ benefit. Which is fine if that’s what you need to do, but don’t be so disingenuous about it.

My DD is nearly 11 months old and whilst she's not up anywhere near as much as yours (once is the usual, 3/4 times is a very bad night) I just do whatever is the quickest thing to get her back to sleep so I can get back to sleep and not be a complete zombie at work.

I do believe there are good sleepers and bad sleepers and they will 'get it' when they get it.

The 4.30 awake time though..

I cannot believe posters are trying to convince you that this level of nights wakings is normal!

It is normal for many babies. Especially a baby who is in pain and soothed by milk. It may not have been normal for your child(ren) but it absolutely was for my mine.

From 15 months they’d go down into their cots fully awake and settle themselves to sleep. At 2 they happily walk up to bed when it’s time, wait patiently to get in and then chill out in their cots until they fall asleep. They have no averasion to going to bed, when they wake up they’re not distressed. There’s nothing wrong with how they sleep now (other than the fact that, like many with ASD it takes them time to drop off.

So if I’d sleep trained them, who would it have been for? Not for them, surely.

OP, you can see from the responses here that there are many, many different opinions and approaches to this. It tends to be a heated debate with a strong opinion either way. Have a read and chose what you think will work for you. I think several wakings at 11m for milk isn’t really the norm or necessary and I hope you find a method to help.

WRT sleep training - which doesn't have to be nuclear, leave to cry type methods:

Cheap but hard version: Buy a used copy of The No Cry Sleep Solution on amazon. Make your own plan from the method described there. If it doesn't work, try another cheap sleep book. Check your local library and second hand book shops too. (NCSS has the charts available to download from their website, so you don't need to write in the book).

Medium version: Download the Huckleberry app from whichever app store. Fill in the diary (just sleep unless you particularly want to track feeds and nappies, as they only look at sleep, but do fill in the sleep section of "How baby fell asleep".) for a week, do the questionnaire, then pay for the subscription. Follow their plan, then cancel the subscription.
Cost: If you pay for 2 months, about as much as 3 sleep books brand new, but saves you the time reading them and devising a plan based on them (tells you what to do)

Nuclear version: Hire a sleep consultant. I don't really recommend this as there is no regulation and while some of them are supposed to be excellent others I've heard some real horror stories. Plus they are really expensive and I don't like their sales tactics. But they tend to be consistent in what they advise and will work with you which might be what you want.

just a very quick update before i read through everyones replies- DD slept through from 8:30pm - 3:30 am i was i had a lullaby on all night so must of soothed her. Tried to just stroke her back to get her back asleep but she was crying too much so gave her a bottle and then she went back asleep. woke again at 5:30 so just put bottle back in her mouth and then she slept through till 8am. atleast its an improvement!

That’s great :)

If she likes white noise, we got a Bluetooth speaker and linked it up to an old phone and ran a free white noise app through it all night. You can adjust the volume much more easily and turn it on and off remotely then.

The other thing that really started to help us at this point is a projector. We have this one:
TOMY First Years Starlight Dream Show - Lights and Sounds Nightlight- Suitable for Newborn Baby from Birth www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00020IPDW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_1fK8Cb91B07JV?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Projects a rotating illustration on the ceiling and plays lullabies. They stare at it and it sort of hypnotises them 😂

The ones that are just lights do nothing for them.

Only issue is that it only lasts 10 mins so I have to go in and reset it. If I could go back I’d get an app controlled one, specifically this one
www.wowcher.co.uk/deal/shop/10742884/motorola-nursery-projector-34-99?st_cid=GoogleShopping&ito=GoogleProducts_RevenueMarketing_10742884&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxMjnBRCtARIsAGwWnBNMVsjE-2-OzHOL_YWyYq4G8IWObV18DqKcPJMmhHq55SaY8IHLeCMaAkmVEALw_wcB

Actually I just bought one - the boys will still like it, and it was a bargain here rover.ebay.com/rover/0/0/0?mpre=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ebay.co.uk%2Fulk%2Fitm%2F323564968899

@SinkGirl that looks ideal for my DD!! i did wait a few mins last night before seeing to her when she was crying but not ages (2 mins, then 4 mins, then 6 etc) so i think she is adjusting to the fact that i am not going to run to her every single time she winges!