how can i get my baby to sleep through the night?

[iamtinkabella]

i know its not an AIBU. But i am desperate for advice and am posting for traffic..
Long post as don't want to drip feed sorry!

So, my DD is waking so many times throughout the night. It ranges from her waking 3 times to more than 7 times. It is always for her bottle and ive tried everything i can think of (giving her water in the night, putting her to bed later, making sure she had a good bedtime routine, making sure she has enough to eat later on at tea ao that shes full up). She doesn't have a dummy which i am kind of gutted about because im ashuming that would settle her instead of a bottle but she won't take one. I am so tired im struggling to function. I am just desperate for her to not wake up as much throughout the night. I've asked the HV for advice many times and all she keeps saying is "baby's just want cuddles with mummy" and i love cuddling her but not 6 times throughout the night im exhausted. HV also said give her water instead of formula. The look on DD face when i even attempt to give her water is just a straight "no" she just will not take it. I am a single parent and have no other help so cannot even ask somebody to do a few night feeds to help me out. Please help or any advice?? i need sleep.

@iamtinkabella - there are a lot of medications that you could try to help her, so I hope the GP trip is useful for you.

@MRex yes i have heard that, thank you. i will book an appointment first thing monday. for now ive got a white noise teddy and a sleep training app!

OP - No problem, I'll stop posting here if you have understood that I have never said you wake your baby to feed her, and that the way to get a full night's sleep goes through stopping night feeds.

If you are interested in learning how to get her to go back to sleep without the bottle, feel free to send me a bottle. I'll share my experience and won't hold it against you that you misunderstand my post and then call me "irritating". I know sleep deprivation is a bitch

Feel free to send me a PM, not a bottle!

@CoteDAzur i wasnt 'sending' you a bottle. sorry, misunderstanding. i was sending to other PP. Yes will pm if i feel i need your advice thank you for the offer

Good luck! DS has 2 molars bulging with tiny points through and there have been tears going to sleep, so mine's on ibuprofen and anbesol liquidI expect him to be up at 3 or 4 am when it's all worn off and he needs more.

I had two 18 months apart, neither slept through until they were in school I think. It is part and parcel of children I have always assumed, so perhaps just accept it. Sleep will never be the same for years. Ignore what others tell you about their children sleeping through.

I would stop feeding her. She cannot be hungry that many times. In my experience my 3 children have continued to wake multiple times until I stopped feeding them(breast fed). As soon as they were old enough that i could be fairly sure they were not hungry(11 months), I simply refused to feed them. I co sleep with them, so I would comfort them but just say milk 'all gone' which they understood.
I set a deadline of 5am, after which I would feed them.
It took one night of the baby crying, and maybe a few nights of baby complaining/briefly crying. Within a week all three stopped night waking. Bliss.
The last is currently 12 months, and he now consistently sleeps through until 5/6 am. He was a nightmare before. It is so worth it to feel more human.
Admittedly, I wouldn't do this if I wasn't cosleeping, and thus offering the baby comfort in a different way.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do. It is so horrible being woken so many times.

I'm afraid I let mine whinge too. Stopped bf. Bath, bottle, supper (porridge/weetabix) to ensue they weren't hungry then bed with blankets and teddies for comfort. Pitch black room. Never ever ever took them into our bed, or took to lying on the floor shushing and patting etc, or going in and out. Never offered milk after had been put down. Never left the room until morning.They slept from 4 and 5 months respectively. Now teens they don't seem damaged by it.
If this hadn't have worked I don't know what I would have done. It must be hard.

I disagree that an 11 month old cant be hungry and / or thirst overnight.

I know with my twins, they’d wake up crying.
No milk = increasingly distressed, even hysterical
Milk = back to sleep quickly

Milk was what they wanted, so that what they got.

They’re nearly 3 now and they don’t sleep through the night but they don’t wake me up either - they wake up, drink some water, go back to sleep.

OP’s baby has reflux - she’s waking up crying most likely because she’s in pain. She wants milk because it soothes the pain. Refusing that seems unspeakably cruel.

By all means OP, speak to a doctor about other things that may help (I take it you’ve already tried using a cot wedge etc so she’s not lying flat), changing medication etc.

There are also conditions that cause babies / children (and adults) to be excessively thirsty, drink and urinate excessively. My son is being tested for one of them as he’s always drunk so much. If he has it, restricting his fluid intake would be really dangerous, so you can’t say that any individual child definitely doesn’t need fluids through the night.

OP I’d take medical advice to see if they can do any more for the reflux as a first move.

I can't work out messaging. Here is her website harrogatesleepnanny.co.uk/ There are loads of so called sleep experts out there but I promise you, she's amazing and can help.

Our middle child used to wake hourly through the night, just for a small feed each time, had the health visitor giving us the usual about let him cry etc. Turned out he had a condition where he had low blood sugars.

@SinkGirl thank you for being so supportive and helpful! yeh shes been propped up (safely) since 4 weeks old due to such horrendous relfux. I honestly dont believe that stopping giving her milk when she cries will help as it is the only thing that soothes her. I do feel so sorry for her, she really is an angel but reflux makes her so irritated of a night and i physically cannot prop her up anymore! Our little white noise teddy is doing absolute wonders tonight.. wish id of rechanged the batteries earlier. I can see in her eyes as she was going asleep that she was calmer
again.. i thank you all for your advice i will be reading over everything properly over the next few days and taking all your advice. I massively appreciate it. There is truelly nothing worse than being physically and mentally exhausted..

Have spent a good few pound on sleep training apps this afternoon too. I an planning on ordering a good sleep training book within the next week too. Honestly you lot have been ten times more helpful than bloody google!! hip hip hopray i am now off to sleep for an early night after getting DD to sleep. Thank you again massively

horay* ha ha ha throws my phone out the window

I just think it’s one of those things that varies from child to child.

My eldest slept through from 4 months and sleeps 6.30-6.30 now at 5. My youngest woke every 90 minutes from the day he was born. He is nearly three now and in that time he has slept through maybe 5 times, all in the past 3 months. He doesn’t even want anything when he wakes up either, sometimes he’ll ask for water but most of the time he just wants ‘a kiss’ or he just stops crying the second I sit next to him and falls back asleep.

Good luck, it’s draining and you have my total empathy x

Feeling for you op, They do sort themselves out eventually but mine were 2 and 3 when they finally did 🤦🏻‍♀️. It wasn't horrendous all that time though, they both got a lot better by the time they were 1.

FWIW one of mine, at around 9 months I just stopped offering milk at night cold turkey. Plenty of cuddles and water but no milk. I knew it was just comfort and he was not hungry.
We had ONE very miserable night, and he never had milk in the night again.

It didn't stop him waking, but it did stop the making bottles and changing nappies in the middle of the night which was a big step forward for us.

Ps happy to send you the No Cry Sleep Solution book for very cheap- pm me.
Not a magic bullet but a helpful read.

My LG is 22 months and didn't sleep through til she was 19 months, she used to wake multiple times and would never settle unless it was a boob or bottle, then one day she just did it
I've never believed in the cry it out method, so I never went with that, I just used to give her cuddles or what she needed and then put her back down. Easier said than done though when you are exhausted..stick with it, it will happen x

You’ll get there eventually - every child is different, there isn’t a special formula really - my daughter was 2.6 years until she was a good sleeper - she was up every 2-3 hours for milk. My son slept through from week1. Good luck - it’ll get better.

i don’t know the definition of ‘cry it out’ as it sounds brutal! But I suspect it’s what I did and just didn’t give it that name.

When they woke up I’d pop in and give a cuddle and pat and then leave. Wait outside bedroom door and go in again after 20 seconds and repeat over and over, making each wait time slightly longer.
Needed a couple of nights and then didn’t really have any further issues. Baby always knew I would come and check her but that I wasn’t going to talk, turn on the light, offer milk or anything else fun. It was hard but it worKed and we are all well rested now!
I find that putting them down without a bottle helps. Use the above technique. Good luck.

You have my sympathy. But it is normal. None of mine slept through consistently until nearly 3 and we still get woken approx 3 times a week.

Using Hungry Milk made a huge difference for us. Not sure if that's feasible if she's on a special milk?

The obsession this country has with babies sleeping is toxic. They are babies, they don't naturally sleep through the night.
Your baby is still figuring out how to be a human so maybe help them out a little.
Have a look at the 'sleep is for the weak' blog for support. Anyone that tells you that 'you baby should be' sleeping through deserves a strong eye roll and that is all.

This

It's normal for babies to wake up during the night. It prevents SIDS.
They usually briefly wake, feed and go back to sleep.

Sleep training was my best friend. Just as children need teaching to use cutlery, to consider others or to use the lavatory, so they need teaching to sleep.

Strange that, as soon as my lo was born she was asleep for hours without telling her how to.