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AIBU?

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Original poster

how can i get my baby to sleep through the night?

136 replies

iamtinkabella · 31/05/2019 07:52

i know its not an AIBU. But i am desperate for advice and am posting for traffic..
Long post as don't want to drip feed sorry!Blush

So, my DD is waking so many times throughout the night. It ranges from her waking 3 times to more than 7 times. It is always for her bottle and ive tried everything i can think of (giving her water in the night, putting her to bed later, making sure she had a good bedtime routine, making sure she has enough to eat later on at tea ao that shes full up). She doesn't have a dummy which i am kind of gutted about because im ashuming that would settle her instead of a bottle but she won't take one. I am so tired im struggling to function. I am just desperate for her to not wake up as much throughout the night. I've asked the HV for advice many times and all she keeps saying is "baby's just want cuddles with mummy" and i love cuddling her but not 6 times throughout the night im exhausted. HV also said give her water instead of formula. The look on DD face when i even attempt to give her water is just a straight "no" she just will not take it. I am a single parent and have no other help so cannot even ask somebody to do a few night feeds to help me out. Please help or any advice?? i need sleep. Sad

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 31/05/2019 07:53

How old is the baby?

dementedpixie · 31/05/2019 07:54

What age is she?

Walkerbean16 · 31/05/2019 07:54

How old is she?

Original poster
iamtinkabella · 31/05/2019 07:54

11 mo old sorry! Blush thought i had mentioned her age.

OP posts:
notyourmummy · 31/05/2019 07:57

They all get there eventually. You'll get people telling you to ignore her crying, don't give her milk overnight etc etc...I always just did what got everyone back to sleep the fastest (giving them milk generally) and they slept through eventually (8mo and nearly 2yo for my children).

Original poster
iamtinkabella · 31/05/2019 07:58

@notyourmummy yes few people have said ignore her crying. I am pretty sure i would get complains off the neighbores if i ignored her all night!

OP posts:
Miniloso · 31/05/2019 07:59

My son was like this. I had to give him a bottle of formula before bedtime, that worked. My daughter too was like this and the only way for me to get any sleep was to have her in bed with me. I’m not sure there is one solution that fits all. I feel for you, it’s hellish being woken up so much.

Original poster
iamtinkabella · 31/05/2019 08:03

@Miniloso when did your DS and DD eventually sleep through? i just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel atm. Headaches constantly because im that tired!Sad

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 31/05/2019 08:03

Does she fall asleep on the bottle at bedtime? You may need to get her to settle from awake at bedtime rather than using the bottle to get to sleep.

kaytee87 · 31/05/2019 08:03

When she gets up in the morning is she hungry straight away?

Boom45 · 31/05/2019 08:04

Both my kids were like this. Its horrible so you have all my sympathy but the only thing I found worked was waiting. I co-slept which helped maximise my sleep time but I always put them to bed in their own bed (so when they did start sleeping through we didn't have to then start the process of getting them to their own bed).

BeanBag7 · 31/05/2019 08:05

We tried pretty much everything (not cry it out or formula) but nothing made much difference. Eventually she just started sleeping through. We hadn't done anything new, she just "got it" at around 18 months and has slept through since.

I think it would have just been easier to go with it and do whatever was quickest to get her back to sleep, rather than stressing and taking much longer each night attempting to give her water or shush-pat her to sleep.

Some babies just dont sleep yet :(

dementedpixie · 31/05/2019 08:05

I don't think your lo is hungry, she just associates the bottle with getting back to sleep.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 31/05/2019 08:06

The obsession this country has with babies sleeping is toxic. They are babies, they don't naturally sleep through the night.
Your baby is still figuring out how to be a human so maybe help them out a little.
Have a look at the 'sleep is for the weak' blog for support. Anyone that tells you that 'you baby should be' sleeping through deserves a strong eye roll and that is all.

anothernotherone · 31/05/2019 08:06

How old is your baby? It's pretty normal for under 1s not to sleep "through" no matter what people say. Most babies don't sleep a solid 12 hours, and some people say their babies sleep "through" when they mean apart from waking for a feed or two Grin others mean midnight to 5am (which is pretty good, but some people understand "sleeping through" as 7pm to 7am and others as midnight to 5am, which is obviously totally different).

I'd say consider whether cosleeping might work for you - it might not, but it might be a way to get more sleep. As she's formula fed it's only an option if she's over 6 months old, and you need to read up on safe bedsharing and ensure the duvet and pillows are away from her, the mattress not to soft and obviously it's only an option if you don't smoke and haven't drunk alcohol that day/ evening.

I'd also make sure you go to bed to coincide with her longest stretch of sleep - so if she sleeps 8pm to midnight and then wakes every 1 - 2 hours there's no point you going to bed at midnight - go to bed at 8pm to get the solid 4 hours.

If she's over 6 months you could night wean, but it's not easy. If she's over 6 months old and the health visitor says she's thriving/ a healthy weight you can give only water at night and cuddle without offering milk. She might well be cross and 5 or 6 nights might be worse, but there's a good chance she'll wake less after a week because she'll adjust to not expecting milk at night. It's not too harsh as long as you still go to her and cuddle her. It's not guaranteed to stop the waking though - night weaning worked like a charm for one of mine (she was older, but breastfed) but for another of mine it made things worse because he woke just as much bit I no longer had a quick way to get him back to sleep. I believe it helps to some degree more often than not though.

Good luck!

MindyStClaire · 31/05/2019 08:06

Is she in her own room yet? My DD was a horrific sleeper in our room, but great from the first night in her own.

anothernotherone · 31/05/2019 08:06

Sorry about the cross post asking about age - took ages to post!

MissMooMoo · 31/05/2019 08:08

My son just turned 2 and rarely sleeps 7-7, he usually wakes at least once during the night and needs help settling.
I have stopped obsessing about it and know that he eventually will get there

kaytee87 · 31/05/2019 08:08

@Didntwanttochangemyname that's all very good, except OP is a single mother and is exhausted.

Bonnie1993 · 31/05/2019 08:08

I know how you feel when the HV says she 'just wants cuddles' and you instantly think i was hoping for a more practical response!
Unles she is fond of water, absolutely will not work giving it to her in the night.
However i think this is one of those situations where you may just have to wait for her to grow out of.

In case you haven't tried this though blackout curtains and no night light eventually worked for me! Set a clear difference between day and night

pandatracks · 31/05/2019 08:09

My 2.5 year old used to wake around 6-7 times a night at that age. Doesn't sleep through yet either - usually wakes two times a night still ( same as my newborn!). Sadly some children just suck at sleeping...,

Palegreenstars · 31/05/2019 08:13

After going back to work at 4 months by 12 months I felt similarly to you. Of course don’t leave your baby crying all night. I used a technique called Sleep Lady Shuffle where you stay in the room whilst they fall asleep and then move further away each time. It was a hard week but she’s slept through ever since (unless upset or unwell in which case she just comes in with us).

When you give up night feeds is entirely up to you. We stopped the bottle at the same time so it just wasn’t an option any more.

Use all the tips on here you want but do whatever is right for you. You know best.

anothernotherone · 31/05/2019 08:18

As for at what age they sleep through, it varies enormously. It's the exception for babies under 1 though.

My dc1 slept through for a while from 12 to about 19 months, then stopped when we moved house while I was pregnant with dc2. Mercifully when he arrived she seemed to realise there was nothing to worry about and slept through again almost immediately.

Dc2 slept through of his own accord from 8 months without me doing anything but respond to his needs.

Dc3 didn't sleep through a night til he was 6 (years) but stopped waking us in the night at 3 and a bit, when I could explain to him that mummies need to sleep otherwise they feel poorly and he should only wake me if he was poorly or had a "big" problem he needed help with. I set him up with story CDs to listen to if he just woke up and couldn't sleep, and I'd find his bed full of books and toys most mornings. He still doesn't like sleeping alone at 8, but fortunately his older brother also prefers a room mate so despite having their own rooms they usually choose to share.

Grumpos · 31/05/2019 08:20

Is baby actively hungry in the night or is she wanting the bottle for comfort? Are you only feeding her once in the night or each time she wakes?
It could be that she simply isn’t a solid sleeper but there are things you can try:
Strict nap times and durations during the day
Absolute darkness in the room, no light at all - stick bin liners on the windows if you have to!
White noise machine or just an app / YouTube video running on your phone with black screen
Putting her down awake and helping her to settle, eventually helping her to get herself to sleep, ie patting her gently and ssshing for a few days, then just try ssshing and stop patting etc. Gradually reduce you having to settle her, allowing her to learn how to do this will help her get back to sleep when she wakes in the night

It definitely could be as pp have said that this is just who she is and will grow out of it but at 11 months there’s no actually need to give a night feed (unless a medical issue you’ve not mentioned?) so it’s more likely to be habit combined with her not having the ability to self settle.
You don’t have to let her “cry it out” but you can say let her cry for a few minutes, sometimes it really helps my LO get out the energy to just let him cry for 2-3 mins. Then I give him a cuddle, put him back down and he’s fine.
It’s also important to remember that no baby (and no person) sleeps perfectly 100% of the time. If I get 4/5 nights out of the week where I’m only up once in the night I consider that a win.
Good luck, it’s brutal I know.

coffeeaddiction · 31/05/2019 08:23

I truly don't think there is anything you can do , they have to just learn to do by themselves .
I did wean my little boy off milk at night which I found improved his sleeping a lot but he still doesn't sleep through reliable at 15 months .

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