how can i get my baby to sleep through the night?

[iamtinkabella]

i know its not an AIBU. But i am desperate for advice and am posting for traffic..
Long post as don't want to drip feed sorry!

So, my DD is waking so many times throughout the night. It ranges from her waking 3 times to more than 7 times. It is always for her bottle and ive tried everything i can think of (giving her water in the night, putting her to bed later, making sure she had a good bedtime routine, making sure she has enough to eat later on at tea ao that shes full up). She doesn't have a dummy which i am kind of gutted about because im ashuming that would settle her instead of a bottle but she won't take one. I am so tired im struggling to function. I am just desperate for her to not wake up as much throughout the night. I've asked the HV for advice many times and all she keeps saying is "baby's just want cuddles with mummy" and i love cuddling her but not 6 times throughout the night im exhausted. HV also said give her water instead of formula. The look on DD face when i even attempt to give her water is just a straight "no" she just will not take it. I am a single parent and have no other help so cannot even ask somebody to do a few night feeds to help me out. Please help or any advice?? i need sleep.

FWIW Here's my experience.
DC1 breastfed but took a bottle. Slept through naturally at 11 months. No input from me.
DC2 breastfed but took a bottle. Woke for milk at least once a night, every night until 3 years!
DC3 breastfed, no bottle. Was dreading weaning off the breast/ breastfeeding for ever BUT she is 14months now. I just went cold turkey on the feeding and she is sleeping through!
So in my experience, just refusing night feeds works. But that is just my experience.

@PerfectPeony2 haha that made me laugh! my DD eats SO much through the day shes a brilliant eater, 3 meals and plenty of snacks! i have a very hungry baby on my hands but the bottles of a night im sure are for comfort

@3in4years i just dont think i could listen to DD cry for a bottle and not give her one!

Thank you everyone so far for your advise! im going to be trying a few different things over the next few weeks.. fingers crossed

Why are you still giving multiple bottles of milk to an 11 month old in the middle of the night?

Stop night feeds. Her metabolism will adjust to the new feeding schedule in a couple of days and stop waking her up in the night for food.

You need to sleep train. All babies (and adults) stir and wake slightly during the night, she needs to learn how to settle herself back to sleep and not use the bottle (which means waking you up)

Here is a link with some suggestions for different methods

www.babycenter.com/0_baby-sleep-training-the-basics_1505715.bc

I agree about sleep training. I don't think it does babies any favours to have months of broken sleep and exhausted parents v a few nights of crying. If you aren't getting a good sleep then neither are they!

I've been using Lucy Wolfe's stay and support method with my little girl. She's a lot younger but she wasn't going to sleep or for naps without being fed to sleep (literally she would have to fall asleep with bottle teat or nipple in mouth and if it was removed she would be wide awake). I think we are on night five and we have now completely separated bedtime from food. Yes, there was some crying but I was right with her soothing and comforting her until she fell asleep - sleep training doesn't have to be leaving them to cry on their own, it can be pretty gentle.

And while I agree that there are some unrealistic expectations about babies sleeping overnight, I also think it's not feasible for one person with very little support to carry on in this fashion. Sleep deprivation is horrible and at its worst, dangerous.

Don't worry, she didn't cry for a bottle. She never took a bottle. She would wake, and instead of breastfeeding her I would cuddle her and she went straight back to sleep. After a couple of nights she is sleeping through. No crying for anything. I couldn't do that either!

@CoteDAzur erm, because she wakes up and cries for them? Do you honestly think i wake HER up? No. She wakes me up crying because she wants the bottle. I dont really think i would be asking for advice if i was the one waling her up.

waking*

@Celebelly i will be looking into that! thank you so much. It sounds like its really worked for you x

OP this is completely normal behaviour for a baby this age, I know that doesn’t help you feel less tired but it might help you feel less stressed about it?
Babies who sleep through at this age are in the minority, no matter what your friends say! They don’t know how to get back to sleep when they wake so they need our help. Self soothing ie getting back to sleep on your own, is developmental, you can’t teach it.
Sleep deprivation is awful and if I were you I’d definitely try co sleeping and see if your DD will settle next to you without a feed.

Your problem is that your baby doesn't know how to settle herself to sleep as she's falling asleep on the bottle. So when she stirs in the night she needs you to get her back to sleep. So you have to teach her. It will be a skill she will need all her life. It's a tough week but so worth it.

You smooth with your hand on her tummy whilst she's awake but sleepy. No bottle! Then solely take hand away. Stay in the room. If she stirs again just hand on the tummy. Repeat. Move further away from the cot each time. She'll learn. Good luck!

@Creatureofthenight thank you, what youve said has made me feel better. would you suggest puttig her to sleep in her cot and then co sleeping with her if she wakes up in the night? or co sleeping from the start?
@usernamerisnotavailable thank you, ill try that! little ollie the owl now has hrand new batteries in ready for tonight to play white noise too!

Short answer.
Not a lot
My lo started sleeping through around 12 months and previously we'd tried everything then one day he just did it. A lot of people told me they will do it when they are ready and this is absolutely right. If lo is hungry in the night only feeding them will settle them.

Totally depends on your baby. I coslept from about 6-10 months when DD was waking really frequently. After that we got a floor bed, she would start the night in there and then come into our bed if she wouldn’t settle during the night. DD has always fed to sleep (still does at 23 months).

My baby at 6 months old usually sleeps 9 hours a night, what I found helped was making sure she had plenty of milk in the day (she is formula fed), I know her typical daily amount and if she had less she was likely to wake up so I'd encourage her to have more. Also when she woke up I'd try and comfort without milk and see if she would go back to sleep, so she only had milk if she really needs it. She still wakes in the night a couple of times a week but she used to be much worse so that's just what I found useful, sorry if you've tried it all already!

Recommending this book to you: www.amazon.co.uk/Sleep-easy-way-peaceful-nights/dp/1844037053?tag=mumsnetforu03-21.

People will tell you all babies are different but I used this method successfully on all 3 of mine and everyone I've ever recommended it to has found it worked too. Good luck.

thank you everyone! @PennyStocks think ill buy it! thank you! xx

Ok.. so I’ve seen a tip on baby centre today and the person who posted swears by it.. she says after this tip, her baby has slept wonderfully for the last 4 nights going..
I only read it today so I’m yet to try myself, my daughter is 8 months and I’m feeling like a zombie!!!
So here goes...

After babies dinner, give them half a nudged banana with a few tablespoons of cherry juice.. mix it l together.. and feed them. This was a tip given to them by a doctor and it worked for them.. personally I’ll try anything!! So will be giving it a go!!
We’ll Beth experiment and see how we get on!
Ps sleep is for losers anyway 😭

Mashed bit nudged banana!!! And we’ll both not we’ll Beth!

I did Dr Jay Gordon nightweaning around this age and it made a massive difference (I was bf ing but I think it should work the same with bottles). Basically you don’t feed them, and they will cry, but you stay with them and pat shush / otherwise comfort so they’re not left to cry alone.

I left both of mine to cry. It took DS1 2 nights to start sleeping through and it took DS2 3 years of that to start sleeping through. I was at breaking point with both - I couldn’t carry on waking 7x per night and get up for work the next day.

It’s not for everyone but it was the right approach for me. Tried everything else and it didn’t work. I’m not a martyr and choose not to wait it out.

Like roses2 I let them cry. I didn’t with my first and it was a nightmare of nomsleep, stress and fractious parents and child. We cajoled, we rewarded, we indulged. Hopeless.
After that we sleep trained. I think it was three night maybe four before we had little ones that simply slept. It wasn’t easy. It was screaming, snotty rages for two nights. Then an improvement then blissful sleep.

Interestingly it is the sleep trained that continued to be the better sleepers. Our first wakes and twitters around in the night still and she’s in her twenties.

OP - re "because she wakes up and cries for them? Do you honestly think i wake HER up? No. She wakes me up crying because she wants the bottle. I dont really think i would be asking for advice if i was the one waling her up."

I didn't say you wake her up I asked why you are still feeding your 11-month-old multiple bottles of milk every night, assuming you are aware of the fact that parenting quite often involves saying "No" to one's child.

This is one such situation where you need to say "No". Your child's metabolism needs to forget the multiple feeding times it has come to expect in the middle of the night, if you wish to have a full night's sleep in the near future.

Alternatively, you can just wait for her to learn to sleep through the night on her own, which can easily take another 1-2 years.