how can i get my baby to sleep through the night?

[iamtinkabella]

i know its not an AIBU. But i am desperate for advice and am posting for traffic..
Long post as don't want to drip feed sorry!

So, my DD is waking so many times throughout the night. It ranges from her waking 3 times to more than 7 times. It is always for her bottle and ive tried everything i can think of (giving her water in the night, putting her to bed later, making sure she had a good bedtime routine, making sure she has enough to eat later on at tea ao that shes full up). She doesn't have a dummy which i am kind of gutted about because im ashuming that would settle her instead of a bottle but she won't take one. I am so tired im struggling to function. I am just desperate for her to not wake up as much throughout the night. I've asked the HV for advice many times and all she keeps saying is "baby's just want cuddles with mummy" and i love cuddling her but not 6 times throughout the night im exhausted. HV also said give her water instead of formula. The look on DD face when i even attempt to give her water is just a straight "no" she just will not take it. I am a single parent and have no other help so cannot even ask somebody to do a few night feeds to help me out. Please help or any advice?? i need sleep.

My middle son was like this, as a op said we just did what got us all the most sleep which was putting him into bed with us when he first woke and then cosleeping for the rest of the night. He wanted to be close to us. He slept through in his own room at 3 years old.

Try a white noise machine. It worked for my LO. GL

Thank you massively to everyone who has gave me such helpful replies. I could co sleep but have tried it and it didnt seem to make a difference but i might try it again over the weekend. DD has very strict nap times in the day that i am adamant stays as it is as before the strict naps she was even worse of a night, if thats possible. She does have a bottle to send her asleep when i put her to bed so i will try to settle her without one. She has reflux so is on special formula for it so think that may be why she wont take the water very well? I have a teddy that plays white noise and i have blackout verticals but have already ordered blackout rollers for next week instead. The HV is the most unhelpful person i thinn ive ever met and i just feel patronised every time i ask her for advice! Honestly, i know i just need to come to terms with DD not being a good sleeper and wanting a bottle for comfort but i am just so so exhausted, its actually causing me problems with my health and im on the verge of tears

Really dont think it helps that i have friends who brag constantly to me about how brilliant of a sleeper their 5 MO etc is and that they sleep 12+ hours. Yes thanks for that thats helped SO much. jealousy and tiredness doesnt go together well..

No non sleeping days are one of the hardest things I've ever done, and that was with a supportive partner. It's so so shit. Hope you find something that works for her.

@MindyStClaire i would do anything for a decent night sleep it really is tough isnt it. I'll just have to accept being exhausted!

iamtinkabella so you have a mum or sister who she knows really well, who she could stay one night with? My late mil started having DS3 overnight once each school holiday (so one night every 6-8 weeks) when he was 18 months and those were the only full nights sleep I got til he was 3. It helped psychologically if not physically! He didn't sleep any better for her but she let him sleep in her bed so I knew he wasn't ignored, and as she said she could go back to bed when I collected him and it wasn't too often!

@anothernotherone your late mil sounds lovely bless her! unfortunately me and my mother dont have a good relationship so i wouldnt want to ask her. My DS is only young (early teens) so i couldnt ask her to have DD for the night either. DS is fantastic with DD though and helps me out by playing with her when she can bless her.

Sleep training was my best friend. Just as children need teaching to use cutlery, to consider others or to use the lavatory, so they need teaching to sleep.

I was going to post something very similar OP! My “baby” is 18 months old and I’m losing my mind.

What did work (briefly) was very slowly watering down the bottles over a two week period until it was 7oz water to 1oz formula. She increased her food during the day (she rarely ate much at breakfast because she’s so bloody full from overnight bottles) and she then slept through for a grand total of one night 😂🙈 she had just started at a child minder and was catching every illness going so the screaming for nighttime bottles resumed. That was 6 months ago and watering them down never worked again.

I’ve tried everything - the only thing that has the potential to work is letting her cry and I just can’t do it. If it was just whining I could easily do it but she becomes hysterical. Gets so worked up and sweaty and also ends up waking her sister.

I’ve sort of resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to have to wait another 6 months or so until she’s more verbal and I can explain to her that bottles are gone etc. but I want to cry some nights with exhaustion. For what it’s worth she has a dummy - makes no difference she just wants the bottle. I wouldn’t mind but I never gave her that sleep association- I put her down awake to sleep since she was a newborn! I don’t know how this happened but it’s the sole reason I would never risk having another baby, she’s broken me.

Solidarity OP

but i am just so so exhausted, its actually causing me problems with my health and im on the verge of tears

OP it doesn’t have to be like this and it’s so damaging for people to tell you that.

Sleep train. Find a method that suits you. Commit to it. You’ll never look back.

@CherryPavlova how can i learn how to sleep train her? is there an app etc?
@Shallowhals you have my sympathy!im guessing your first child was a good sleeper then? my DD is my first and LAST😂😂! I just couldnt imagine having two children not sleeping i think i would drop dead. Because of DD reflux she threw up horrendously when i watered down her formula.. i just give up

@LaurieMarlow thank you. Is there any websites etc you can recommed that would gove me advice on sleep training?

Yes my first was that baby you dream about... she slept 7pm - 8am from 2.5 months old! I couldn’t understand the “sleep deprivation” thing people would talk about 😄🙈 oh how I learnt my lesson! Oh I feel your pain, they both had reflux too and were on meds for over a year but it just didn’t effect DD1s sleep the way it did DD2s. It’s just torture! Luckily she’s very cute and happy during the day - otherwise I’d have put her up for adoption by now

My dd didn’t sleep through (hate that expression!) till 15 months I’ve been there so lots of sympathy, especially with all the friends with “perfect” sleeping babies from 5 months, I thought my baby was broken and I was going mad. It will get better I promise. Since then she’s slept great, I laughed the other day when DH commented on what a great sleep she’d done as at one point I couldn’t have imagined ever getting to this point.

@Shallowhals atleast you got lucky with your first haha😂! oh i know what you mean.. my DD is an absolute angel in the day. Everyone comments on how well behaved she is. The minute it turns nighttime its like she all of a sudden turns into the baby off The Incredibles. Scary..😂

@bananamonkey you have given me hope! How long did it take your DD to sleep through? One day i will get there and look bad at this thread laughing hopefullyif i dont ill be dead from exhaustion.

@bananamonkey back*

My son did when I started formula. My daughter has always been a night owl, so she slept in our bed on and off till she was about 4!! It was fine though. Anything for sleep! She’s still a night owl (now 15) and my son (11) goes to bed early.

@iamtinkabella my situation was slightly different as she would never take a bottle and would only be fed back to sleep. We did some gentle sleep training about 11 months which got it down to 2 consistent wake ups, then I had to go away at 14 months so used that opportunity to stop night feeds and the wake ups slowly petered out a few weeks later. Good luck x

Have you tried co-sleeping? I did this with all four of my DC and I don’t think I’d have survived without it. They all slept through really early, I think because they felt secure and comforted beside me.

Also recommend white noise.

I do t have much advice op. My do. Is ten months and has just started sleeping through from 7.30-6am. However, he always wakes at least once for his dummy
About 1 or 2 am. It’s so hard when you are up and down all night. You must be shattered.

I think I it sounds like comfort rather than food your daughter is waking for. Could you try encouraging her to use s teddy or comforter? This worked for a friend of mine.

By the way don’t believe people who brag about what good sleepers they have. It’s b.s! Hardly anyone I knows baby slept through until at least 9 months.

P.s what really helped us was putting him to sleep in our bed with one of us. We then transfer in to the cot when he’s asleep or almost asleep. Tends to stay asleep that way. Honestly, a couple of months ago he was up every hour.

I find almost all of our wake-ups are related to illness or teething. With teething he tries to distract himself so he'll giggle and want to run about as well as wanting constant boob, but actually it's distraction from pain and if he's given something for his teeth (depends which teeth how far we take it) plus boob then he's able to settle and sleep. The sucking can help with sore throats or with teething, that's why I wonder if it's the same for yours. Mine is a little older at 14 months and his night sleeps have gradually lengthened over time (apart from teething / illness), it helped me psychologically to work out the timings and see we were always headed in the right direction. He did drop his third nap around 11-12 months, so that might be something to consider as well.

On babies sleeping through, I've known a few mums who've sagely advised their child sleeps 7-7, then at some later point it turns out this is "apart from feeds", or "except when unwell / teething", or "I just have to replace the dummy every couple of hours" and other such ludicrous statements. Or they've done cry it out, which the research suggests is potentially damaging and therefore isn't something I'd try. I don't doubt that some do sleep through consistently, there's always going to be some babies doing frankly anything you could name, but the numbers actually sleeping through are vastly exaggerated if you dig deeper.

Good luck anyway. Worst case, all phases pass right!?!

Hi OP.

How is she doing with solid food? Does she have 3 good meals a day with snacks?

Also, please ignore your friends who say their babies sleep! My DD is 11 months and is naturally starting to sleep for longer but we still have times when she wakes a lot. I can’t imagine she will ever sleep 7-7, she’s just not that kind of baby (she’s basically a human tornado )

So just focus on yourself and secretly hope they get the terrible twos