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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell this man to leave this woman after their cruise?

140 replies

IAmIronman · 30/05/2019 21:20

I'm on a week's cruise with my family. Every evening after dinner we've gone to play games in a certain area of the ship, its a quiet ish corner with a selection of board games etc. Next to this area is some seating overlooking the main atrium where there are various singers/musicians etc throughout the evening. Each evening I have seen a couple sitting in the same spot. The woman looks absolutely miserable, I have never once seen her crack a smile or utter more than a couple of words. She sits with her body angled away from her partner/husband. He tries at intervals to engage her in conversation, show her something on his phone, point something out to her. She either ignores him, gives him a withering look, or very occasionally gives him a one or two word answer.
WIBU to tell him there's more to life than this. He's trying so hard and she's giving him nothing back.
Yes, I probably have been observing them too closely, and yes I am a bit over invested in them, but I'm on a cruise, I have nothing better to do with my time.

OP posts:

ColdFingered · 30/05/2019 23:06

DH and I were on holiday years ago. Every night, we sat opposite a couple who had absolutely no rapport. He was in his 40s, and she was a bit younger. Every evening, he'd make suggestions about what to do the next day, but she just wanted to sunbathe.

On the last day, we got talking to them. He said he couldn't wait to get home to his wife! It turned out she was ill, and had persuaded him to take their DD, as she'd just finished her A-levels and needed a break! Their DD looked so much older. It totally explained her sighs and eye rolling whenever he suggested anything

Popc0rn · 30/05/2019 23:10

Erm no offence OP, but he probably won't give a sh*t about your opinion on their relationship. I doubt he'll have an epiphany and think "random lady is right, I must leave her!", he'll probably just think you're a bit of a weirdo.

Maybe she's depressed, maybe he had an affair and they're on holiday to try and 'patch it up', maybe she's just had a bereavement, who knows but it's none of your business.

Popc0rn · 30/05/2019 23:13

@ColdFingered

I've had people think the same when I've been on holiday with my dad before (not envy!)

LiliesAndChocolate · 30/05/2019 23:13

When I lost another baby , I didn't want to talk to anyone. My husband organised a trip to the Montreux festival and anyone looking at us would have written the same thing.
You don't know and shouldn't judge.

KylieKoKo · 30/05/2019 23:24

"I'm on a cruise. I'm trying to enjoy myself but I feel like this weird woman is observing me. She stares at me at dinner. I think she's relaying my activity to an internet forum. Dh thinks it harmless and tries to talk to me but i just clam up."

Poppyinafieldofdreams · 30/05/2019 23:34

It’s because somebody is blocking the boards game table all the time.

PCohle · 30/05/2019 23:56

You have absolutely no idea what is going on in their lives such that you're judging this poor woman and her relationship.

Presumably if you're sat staring at her the whole time you aren't engaging much with your own family?

Sagradafamiliar · 31/05/2019 00:03

You're meant to imagine what people's jobs are or how they met when you're deep into people-watching, not trying to get egged on by forum users to wreck marriages ffs 😂

Littleheart5 · 31/05/2019 00:15

Maybe she’s sick, maybe she has depression etc etc, unless she is shouting at him publicly I think this might be a time to (and I mean this in a genuinely nice way) mind your own business!

NameChangeNugget · 31/05/2019 00:18

Tell him for a laugh

letsgooutstiiiiiiide · 31/05/2019 00:34

I'm with the previous posters.

People could've said this about me, DH and my parents when we all went on a totally misguided all-inclusive holiday on an island. DH and I had booked it, my parents decided to come along too just for a laugh. We were too appalled at the prospect to do more than ask weakly if they were sure it was a good idea. Dh is much better at dealing with my parents than I am...

Add to that I was 15 weeks pregnant with a missed miscarriage discovered the day before the holiday started and having to wait 2 weeks for the hospital to kindly provide the necessary... and it was my 6th pregnancy... and because my parents are such selfish, judgemental and socially unaware people, we hadn't told them about any of the pregnancies. So my mother just made lots of digs about how fat I was, how ugly and miserable-looking. While doing constant tinkly little laughs and being the life and soul of the party to anyone else unlucky enough to have been put on our table. My father did his own version of the same. DH did valiantly. I meanwhile tried not to vomit, a lot, and deflected good-natured joshing from the numerous late middle-aged types who went to that resort because they like people like my parents.

Bleurgh.

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 31/05/2019 00:54

I get ridiculously homesick and hate traveling.I love my family but I hate it!!
Maybe she's a "me".
I love to "people watch" too

TheMaddHugger · 31/05/2019 00:56

Are you positive they are even together ? He could be trying to chat her up and she's not interested
amd this - KylieKoKo Thu 30-May-19 23:24:17
"I'm on a cruise. I'm trying to enjoy myself but I feel like this weird woman is observing me. She stares at me at dinner. I think she's relaying my activity to an internet forum. Dh thinks it harmless and tries to talk to me but i just clam up."

((((((((madd Hugs)))))) for all that are Hurt or Hurting.💐

Southwestten · 31/05/2019 01:00

Are you sure they're not Giles and Mary from Gogglebox?

Jux · 31/05/2019 01:22

Dare you to befriend them and find out.....

1forAll74 · 31/05/2019 01:28

I think you should just stick to the Ludo and Snakes and ladders,instead of trying to know every detail about a sad looking fellow cruiser. Or ask the ships captain,they usually know all about their passengers.

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 31/05/2019 01:40

I love how most of the replies expect the DH to be a cunt, like its implausible shes just miserable

SpeckofStardust · 31/05/2019 01:46

You know, OP, this could be me and DH only the other way around (and not on a cruise because we’d sooner watch paint dry than go on a cruise) when we’re out to dinner or at a show or gathering you’d see me being animated and trying to engage and him sitting there like a bump on a log with a face like a slapped arse.

He’s not at all miserable or depressed or bored though, in his own way he’s actually enjoying himself, he’s just not a big gabster or one to show his emotions. We’ve been asked by some who don’t know him that well. ‘is everything all right? Couldn’t help noticing ‘Fred’ looks a bit down?’ it amuses us because it bothers other people but we’re absolutely fine. Honest.

Whoops75 · 31/05/2019 01:55

Maybe they won the holiday.

I would definitely have a face like a smacked arse on a cruise.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 31/05/2019 02:14

FrustratedTeddyLamp

I love how most of the replies expect the DH to be a cunt, like its implausible shes just miserable

Too many of us have the experience of the fake bonhomie of an arsehole of a partner!

3luckystars · 31/05/2019 02:33

Maybe they are rehearsing for a play?

Could you go over and burst in to song (any well known musical) do, some jazz hands and see their reaction. (If they are actors, they will know the secret sign.)

Colouringaddict · 31/05/2019 02:53

She may well have dementia, or any other underlying illness. Say nothing

Reiti · 31/05/2019 04:16

Tell them to change over to the Loveboat.

PregnantSea · 31/05/2019 04:36

YABVU.

Maybe her mother died suddenly at the start of the week. Maybe he had an affair. Maybe she has a terminal illness and is struggling to cope. Maybe he's gay and she's fed up of living a lie.

Or maybe... She's a miserable bitch and he could do better.

Whatever the answer, it's none of your business and you don't have a clue what you're talking about. Leave these people alone. Let them live their own lives.