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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel happy with gender neutral toilets at work?

778 replies

BalletBunting · 30/05/2019 13:01

My company has recently relabelled all toilets on my floor as 'gender neutral'. As well as being rather confused as to what the need is for them (there are no trans people at my work as far as I'm aware) I don't like them, and I would prefer to keep the ladies loo as is. The nearest women's toilets is 3 floors up now!

I don't really feel comfortable going to the loo knowing that there are men in there but I don't really know how to bring this up and with who. I work for a large media company, fairly young/progressive and I don't want to cause trouble for myself.

There was also absolutely no consultation regarding the change. If anyone has been in a similar situation and managed to come to a different solution? Or AIBU and should drop it?

OP posts:
Littlegoth · 30/05/2019 23:35

worksmart.org.uk/health-advice/where-you-work/toilets-and-washrooms/does-my-employer-have-provide-separate-male-and

My understanding is that it must be a separate room, separate cubicles are not enough.

Ereshkigal · 30/05/2019 23:36

And for those of you who think GN bathrooms are the thin edge of the wedge - wake up. The wedge is already firmly in place. Segregated spaces reinforce the concept of otherness that has permeated forever.

What nonsense. You go and enjoy the "gender neutral" facilities with your fabulous MTF friends. Leave me out of it. I would prefer my privacy and dignity thanks.

You are not much of a feminist if you think women's spaces, where women can deal with life without having to constantly come up against male dominance displays, structural sexism and harassment, aren't valuable.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 30/05/2019 23:36

Is it men demanding GN toilets? Not the men I know. Of all demographics, orientation etc. They just aren't. So where is it from? It's not from men. I think they'd be just as uncomfortable, in most cases, as people here seem to be. Again, what's the solution that makes everyone happy?

ZiggyZagZog · 30/05/2019 23:37

For many years we’ve had separate men and women toilets which have worked fine, so why change now?

Ereshkigal · 30/05/2019 23:37

Men ignoring women's boundaries to force their personal selfish wants on them is toxic rape culture.

ArabellaDoreenFig · 30/05/2019 23:37

mannersmakeththepig

Read what the posters here are saying :

Sex segregated spaces are provided because men and women ARE DIFFERENT. Acknowledging this doesn’t take anything away from feminism- it is the foundation of feminism, our sexed bodies are different from men’s, and in order to gain an equal (and fair) standing we need to recognise and acknowledge those differences.

ArabellaDoreenFig · 30/05/2019 23:40

I've always thought men should be entitled to their own space. But the power dynamic isn't the same

Absolutely. And also
Men ignoring women's boundaries to force their personal selfish wants on them is toxic rape culture

Happyspud · 30/05/2019 23:41

Really don’t see this issue like the cast majority of people on here. Interesting🤔.

Happyspud · 30/05/2019 23:41

(Vast)

runninguphills · 30/05/2019 23:44

I really cannot see what the fuss is about. It's a toilet! The cubicles are closed - it's not open plan in there!

I walk into the toilet, have a pee, wash my hands and walk out. If there is a guy washing his hands at the sink at the same time, I'd give a polite hi.

Is anyone else doing something in work toilets that I'm not aware of?

RiversDisguise · 30/05/2019 23:46

It's shite.

I am currently the only woman at my job and I get the toilets all to myself. Luxury. I'd go apeshit if I found a man in there.

JAPAB · 30/05/2019 23:51

Something else to ponder: if it’s not a problem for women to share with men then why is it a problem for trans women to share with men?

If the sign on the door says 'for everyone' and everyone is allowed in there then there is no discrimination.

If the sign says 'women' yet you, a woman, are not allowed in there, then you are being discriminated against.

That is probably why some might accept the first but not the second.

gluteustothemaximus · 30/05/2019 23:51

If a woman is uncomfortable sharing toilets with men, she shouldn't be dismissed or ignored.

I don't want to share toilets or changing rooms with any men.

Why the fuck can't we just have our own spaces back?

mannersmakeththepig · 30/05/2019 23:51

You are not much of a feminist if you think women's spaces, where women can deal with life without having to constantly come up against male dominance displays, structural sexism and harassment, aren't valuable.

You’re so right. I literally cannot remember the last time I was able to use the unisex bathrooms without some men slapping their cock & balls on the sink or pissing higher up the walls than me.

We are still talking about sharing a work bathroom, aren’t we? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve already made it very clear I am talking about this specific topic, not women’s sports or refuges or the WI.

You know the worst kind of feminist? The one who decides she’s more of a feminist than one of her sisters. You don’t speak for all women anymore than I do. We may both have a vagina, but we also have individual brains.

AverageAvenger · 31/05/2019 00:02

Not all men are rapists in waiting. But all rapists in waiting are men.

They’re our fucking toilets and there’s no reason for any decent man to want to be in them with us. And I’d advise women to run a mile from men demanding it.

Ereshkigal · 31/05/2019 00:12

We are still talking about sharing a work bathroom, aren’t we? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve already made it very clear I am talking about this specific topic, not women’s sports or refuges or the WI.

It's a drip drip drip erosion of women's spaces and boundaries.

RiversDisguise · 31/05/2019 00:13

Did a straw poll... none of the men I just asked want to use the women's toilets. Apparently they fear tampons and perfume bottles and dressing room lights around the mirror. And they want to be able to shit in peace without being accused of being a weirdo.

Jedeye · 31/05/2019 00:13

Women and girls want separate cubicles because of issues of noise, smell, privacy and fear of potential attack. Women also want to feel safe in the washing and waiting areas outside the toilet cubicles especially when they are often coping with young children at the same time

Ereshkigal · 31/05/2019 00:13

If the sign says 'women' yet you, a woman, are not allowed in there, then you are being discriminated against.

Yes, only a problem if you're female.

RiversDisguise · 31/05/2019 00:14

(It's 11am here btw. I don't go around asking men these things at midnight.)

Happyspud · 31/05/2019 00:16

Eresh, enjoy that little dig you got in there?😒 Some things never change.

Ereshkigal · 31/05/2019 00:16

You don’t speak for all women anymore than I do.

Pretty sure I speak for more women than you do. And men. And even trans people. No one wants mixed sex toilets other than people who have the idea that women who want privacy and dignity should just "get over it" because they're pathetic.

Ereshkigal · 31/05/2019 00:18

Oh, a fan, are you Spud? A namechanging one?

Ereshkigal · 31/05/2019 00:18

They’re our fucking toilets and there’s no reason for any decent man to want to be in them with us. And I’d advise women to run a mile from men demanding it.

This this this this this.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 31/05/2019 00:18

Now this is getting strange and convoluted. Imposing rape culture? Who said men want the GN toilets. Stop demonizing men and bring it back to reality. If nobody wants them , men included (who are allowed a voice) why are we doing it? Just for a potential trans inclusion? Or something else?