Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel happy with gender neutral toilets at work?

778 replies

BalletBunting · 30/05/2019 13:01

My company has recently relabelled all toilets on my floor as 'gender neutral'. As well as being rather confused as to what the need is for them (there are no trans people at my work as far as I'm aware) I don't like them, and I would prefer to keep the ladies loo as is. The nearest women's toilets is 3 floors up now!

I don't really feel comfortable going to the loo knowing that there are men in there but I don't really know how to bring this up and with who. I work for a large media company, fairly young/progressive and I don't want to cause trouble for myself.

There was also absolutely no consultation regarding the change. If anyone has been in a similar situation and managed to come to a different solution? Or AIBU and should drop it?

OP posts:
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 30/05/2019 14:32

'I'd feel more comfortable with gender neutral - so many bloody women where I work bloody hover and spray piss all over the seat!'

But you would still be sharing with women if they were GN so why would that make you more comfortable? Confused

RubberTreePlant · 30/05/2019 14:32

YANBU.

Apart from the safety, and comfort aspects, men's loos STINK.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 30/05/2019 14:32

Floor to ceiling layout for individual cubicles but with shared sinks contravenes H & S I believe. There are plenty of experts on the Feminism Chat board who'll be able to give you a definitive answer.

I would speak to someone in HR about your discomfort at the idea of washing blood off your hands in the company of male colleagues. It would be more comfortable for you if the person you speak to is another woman but it might be more informative to HR if you explained this to a man. I've noticed that men are often astonishingly clueless about the realities of having a female body.

BarbedBloom · 30/05/2019 14:32

We have this at work and doesn't bother me to be honest. But could you approach your line manager or HR to speak about it?

Sarahjconnor · 30/05/2019 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreytExpectations · 30/05/2019 14:36

What exactly do your fear will happen if there is a man in the next cubical? They are separated by walls, doors and locks. Assuming that all men just wee all over the place is a bit of a generalization.

OP, you say "flimsy" but why does that matter- what exactly are you worried will happen?

tinkerbellla · 30/05/2019 14:36

I wouldn't care about sharing loos with men but I do object to the smell and everywhere being wet 😬

AutumnCrow · 30/05/2019 14:37

I agree that someone in HR needs to think through shared sinks, period blood, and privacy & dignity at work.

GreytExpectations · 30/05/2019 14:37

Do you have Muslim or Jewish colleagues?

What does that have to do with anything?

ShimmeringWaffle · 30/05/2019 14:38

Have you asked why they have done this?

Why would the Muslims or Jewish people know why the company have done it?

Idontwanttotalk · 30/05/2019 14:39

Staff at my DH's company have a similar problem in that a male member of staff decided that from the following week they wished to be known by a woman's name. People do comply with this request.

From that date he came into work dressed as a woman but he also insists on using the ladies' toilets. He absolutely rejected using the men's toilets or a special toilet just for him. All that has happened is that ladies on the same floor as him go to another floor as they do not wish to share the toilets with him. It's a very difficult issue.

Original poster
BalletBunting · 30/05/2019 14:40

OP, you say "flimsy" but why does that matter- what exactly are you worried will happen?

I just don't feel comfortable being in a state of undress/perhaps having to deal with menstrual issues in the same area as men. And it might sound silly but if a man can hear me doing a wee I'd feel very strange. I just prefer women's toilets!

We only have 1 HR person and they aren't even in the building, so I'd have to email a faceless individual. I'd feel really nervous speaking to my line-manager, as I don't want to look like I'm kicking up a fuss. Would be interested to hear if anyone else has tried challenging this?

OP posts:
DawgLover · 30/05/2019 14:41

GreytExpectations I was thinking the discomfort might be from the idea of washing a mooncup at the shared sinks? Or bloodied hands? Given the taboo around periods I can imagine that might make a fair few people uncomfortable

birdsdestiny · 30/05/2019 14:42

No she means Muslim women are likely to be uncomfortable sharing facilities with men. Religion is a protected characteristic under the equality act.

Cinderella812 · 30/05/2019 14:42

Whilst I can't logically explain why I feel this way, I completely understand. I just went to a motorway service station, and the ladies toilets were empty aside from a male attendant cleaning them. I pretended I just wanted to wash my hands, then left and used the disabled toilet! I truly can't articulate why. I'm sure he was a nice man. But I simply cannot use facilities with a man present!

NicoAndTheNiners · 30/05/2019 14:43

We have this where I work. Initially I thought I'd be fine with it, its all floor to ceiling walls and doors with a sink in each one. But there is nearly always piss on the floor and down the front of the loo. Its disgusting. Getting them cleaned more often won't help because unless the cleaner is on standby to clean up each time a man has gone in it won't make much difference. They're spotless in the morning and by mid morning it's like a piss swamp.

I go three floors away to the women's loos.

birdsdestiny · 30/05/2019 14:45

If you do complain I would talk about the safety angle. Women are much more likely to be sexually assaulted in a unisex toilet than a sex segregated one. There has been a recent study on this. As a pp mentioned you would get much more helpful information on the feminism board.

DawgLover · 30/05/2019 14:48

Some of you seem to work with absolute horrors. Myself and 2 other women share with 20 men and have never experienced pee/stench etc

How absolutely vile!

GreytExpectations · 30/05/2019 14:48

@DawgLover part of the taboo around periods is because we feel the need to hide it. Maybe this is a progressive step in the right direction to stop making periods seem like an "uncomfortable" topic.

I just don't feel comfortable being in a state of undress/perhaps having to deal with menstrual issues in the same area as men

But there is a wall and locked doer between you. So your "area" would be the cubical, therefore doesn't seem shared.

birdsdestiny · 30/05/2019 14:50

It doesn't seem to stop the increase in sexual assault though grey.

Original poster
BalletBunting · 30/05/2019 14:52

But there is a wall and locked doer between you. So your "area" would be the cubical, therefore doesn't seem shared.

But as I said above, what if I had to eg mop up a spill, or take off a pair of tights or reapply makeup? Often I have private chats with female colleagues and the dynamic would be totally different with men. Why do I have to change my behaviour for absolutely no bloody reason? Angry

OP posts:
birdsdestiny · 30/05/2019 14:53

Also women on this thread are clearly saying that they are uncomfortable, clearly saying these are my boundaries and I would like you to respect them . That women are being told their feelings and boundaries are silly is unpleasant to say the least.

Shoppingwithmother · 30/05/2019 14:54

I went to the loo in a restaurant a few weeks ago on a Saturday night. They were individual rooms for each toilet but with symbols (non-standard) for male or female on different ones.

I went into a toilet and couldn’t believe how disgusting it was - wet everywhere and really really smelly. I thought the toilet must have been broken and leaked or something. I went into another though and it was just the same - really disgusting and smelly.

Then I looked at the outside of the door again and realised I had gone into two men’s toilets by mistake - I could barely tell from the symbols on the door. Went into a women’s and it was pristine.

It made me feel sorry for my DH and DS if that is what men’s toilets are like.

Idontwanttotalk · 30/05/2019 14:54

@GreytExpectations
Do you have Muslim or Jewish colleagues?

"What does that have to do with anything?"
There are rules Muslim women have about being in the company of men so I assume SarahJConnors is alluding to that. Nothing wrong with her raising this question.

"OP, you say "flimsy" but why does that matter- what exactly are you worried will happen?"
She probably means that you will be able to hear what is going in in the cubicle next door. I think it would change the dynamic between me and a boss or subordinate if we were to hear each other farting. I wouldn't be comfortable with it.

ScottishDoll · 30/05/2019 14:55

We are entitled to privacy and single sex spaces, this does not need justified.

The badgering of women on this subject is wholly indicative of the reason why women need single sex facilities.

Expressing discomfort is allowed.

Bullying by insisting the expressed discomfort is unreasonable/regressive/any other minimising speech is abhorrent.

Men need to stop forcing their way into women's spaces.

Swipe left for the next trending thread