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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel happy with gender neutral toilets at work?

778 replies

BalletBunting · 30/05/2019 13:01

My company has recently relabelled all toilets on my floor as 'gender neutral'. As well as being rather confused as to what the need is for them (there are no trans people at my work as far as I'm aware) I don't like them, and I would prefer to keep the ladies loo as is. The nearest women's toilets is 3 floors up now!

I don't really feel comfortable going to the loo knowing that there are men in there but I don't really know how to bring this up and with who. I work for a large media company, fairly young/progressive and I don't want to cause trouble for myself.

There was also absolutely no consultation regarding the change. If anyone has been in a similar situation and managed to come to a different solution? Or AIBU and should drop it?

OP posts:
Usuallyinthemiddle · 30/05/2019 18:14

If it DOES bother people, that should be valid. Just because it doesn't bother me doesn't mean I think it should go unchallenged.

Whilst it wouldn't bother me, I can't see a good reason for it either.

I don't think the using it as an office gossip point is a good reason to raise as a reason why not, though.

The fact that it makes you uncomfortable (and possibly many men too) is a good reason to raise it.

Why can't people on here look outside their own views? Consider that other people's feelings are also valid...

AutumnCrow · 30/05/2019 18:15

But women don't just bleed 'once a month'. Many women have periods lasting many days, heavy periods, unexpected periods ...

boobirdblue · 30/05/2019 18:15

Honestly, im not too bothered either way but i wouldnt say its a good idea. I just disagree with a lot of what is being said on here.

This!

Such fucking drama over a non issue!

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 30/05/2019 18:16

I’d like to know why its a good idea

Im quite happy with the status quo of mutiple cubicles in one room being labeled as women and urinals and the odd cubicle being mens

And with enclosed rooms with washbasins (such as in cafes) being for anyone

BasicInstructions · 30/05/2019 18:16

i think many people have implied the op is being silly - however its interesting that no one seems prepared to put forward reasons why the change is a good idea

I've just skimmed the whole thread and can't find anyone saying it's a positive thing (rather than neutral - "i don't care") or anyone putting down other people for saying they wouldn't like it. The closest I can find is a few people asking why the OP is against it, but even those are few and far between.

boobirdblue · 30/05/2019 18:17

But women don't just bleed 'once a month'. Many women have periods lasting many days, heavy periods, unexpected periods ...

What difference does it make?

Some men have prostrate issues and will have to use the toilets a lot, some have piles and will takes ages having a crap.

myself2020 · 30/05/2019 18:17

Personally, I do think it’s a good idea if it stops people using loos as rooms for “private chats”. Groups of women (no idea about guys, never been in a male only toilet) are beyond annoying

NewarkShark · 30/05/2019 18:19

Presumably people think it’s a good idea because it avoids the thorny issue of having to decide which toilets transgender employees should use.

I don’t think it’s a good idea, but I imagine a lot of companies think it’s simpler than having a policy of single sex toilets but allowing the use toilets in accordance with identified gender and upsetting a lot of women, or having a policy of single sex toilets and telling transgender people to use the toilets of their birth sex and upsetting another bunch of people.

Simplest thing would be men’s, women’s and a gender neutral option?

MissBehaves · 30/05/2019 18:25

“just saying it's not a problem. 🤷‍♀️”

Good, so mixed sex isn’t a problem for you? So do you have a problem with single sex?

If you’re don’t and thus should be apathetic either way I’m confused as to why you appear to feel strongly about those who do have a problem. And other’s discomfort (whatever it may be) is not for you, someone who purportedly doesn’t care either way, to belittle or attempt to tear apart.

No one needs to justify wanting the privacy and dignity that is their right embedded in statutory law under the Equality Act as their protected characteristic of Sex, to you. Or to anyone else.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 30/05/2019 18:25

'The point I'm trying to make is bleeding once a month is a poor excuse for not wanting a communal bathroom'

You don't NEED an excuse for not WANTING something.
Fgs, do women need to justify their every preference and desire now?

Helmetbymidnight · 30/05/2019 18:26

Such fucking drama over a non issue

no one putting other people down over not liking mixed toilets???

Grin

okay, so my take-away from this thread is NO ONE thinks change to mixed sex toilets is a good idea even those who personally dont have a problem with it.

GreytExpectations · 30/05/2019 18:27

Having a different opinion is not the same as calling someone wrong.
My opinion is that except for the possible sexual assault risk all other reasons women have stated on here for not wanting a mixed toilet dont seem like valid reasons.

boobirdblue · 30/05/2019 18:27

It's a good idea .... everyone has said it's just a "non issue" or it's a bad idea!

There is nothing good or bad about it!

EverardDigby · 30/05/2019 18:28

Surely mixed sex toilets would reduce queuing.

No they increase queuing because you can fit more urinals in than standard toilets, which is a large part of the reason that there are smaller / no queues for men's toilets.

I don't like them because of the violence I've experienced from men as a child and adult so I'd be nervous of being in enclosed spaces with a lone man. I also experienced constant low level sexual harassment at work as a young woman. As an average looking lesbian if I experienced it I'm sure it must be much worse for others.

Helmetbymidnight · 30/05/2019 18:28

Personally, I do think it’s a good idea if it stops people using loos as rooms for “private chats”. Groups of women (no idea about guys, never been in a male only toilet) are beyond annoying

ah ok, we should get rid of all single sex spaces because groups of women are beyond annoying.

wow.

EverardDigby · 30/05/2019 18:30

Also try googling hidden camera toilet.

boobirdblue · 30/05/2019 18:31

you’re don’t and thus should be apathetic either way I’m confused as to why you appear to feel strongly about those who do have a problem. And other’s discomfort (whatever it may be) is not for you, someone who purportedly doesn’t care either way, to belittle or attempt to tear apart.

Because I'm sick of hearing men slagged off because they're make. DHs, DSs , nephews, brothers etc all vile and to be kept away from.

No one needs to justify wanting the privacy and dignity that is their right embedded in statutory law under the Equality Act as their protected characteristic of Sex, to you. Or to anyone else.

As far as I'm aware they'll still be privacy and dignity I'm assuming it'll still be behind a closed and locked door?

GreytExpectations · 30/05/2019 18:31

You don't NEED an excuse for not WANTING something.
Fgs, do women need to justify their every preference and desire now?

Actually everyone (men AND women) should have valid reasons for why they what something, their desire or their preferences. Society should favour equality across all people, not just one sex over the other.

GreytExpectations · 30/05/2019 18:34

because groups of women are beyond annoying.

Well to be fair, they are beyond annoying. Specially the ones who waste work time having these "private chats" in the toilets aka gossiping

DawgLover · 30/05/2019 18:35

For those looking for a reason why in some organisations its been a choice made, in my workplace the men vastly outnumber the women so when the space was designed (80s i think) there were remarkably fewer female designated toilets.

Then my organisation moved in, and one of the issues raised was that we had to walk to the entire other side of the building to get to the ladies, passing 3 sets of male loos on the way. Note, the male ones were the same design as the ladies i.e. not urinals.

Given how few women I work with, they couldn't remove "male" toilets as there was some sort of framework in terms of how many were needed per head so instead they made them mixed sex.

In our case though its fully enclosed, including sinks etc in every case.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 30/05/2019 18:35

Also try googling hidden camera toilet

I am so not googling that!!

HernameisGio · 30/05/2019 18:37

Tarty is it not hypocritical saying you’ve went in and used men’s toilets while saying we shouldn’t have to put up with them in women’s toilets? Not just you I bet many have done this at concerts etc I have! Even while men have been using the urinals. But it’s ok to be in their private space but not the other way round...

boobirdblue · 30/05/2019 18:37

ah ok, we should get rid of all single sex spaces because groups of women are beyond annoying.

Toilets are not social spaces as far as I'm aware. Gossip and chat in social spaces, these won't be single sex so do it at home whilst banishing all make members out.

FGS why is it only women that want "private chats" in toilets, what about the men who fancy "private chats" in the toilet they'll also be losing out.

GreytExpectations · 30/05/2019 18:39

Also try googling hidden camera toilet

What does that have to do with the thread and the subject?

boobirdblue · 30/05/2019 18:41

Also try googling hidden camera toilet

WTF is the reason we'd do that?

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