Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel happy with gender neutral toilets at work?

778 replies

BalletBunting · 30/05/2019 13:01

My company has recently relabelled all toilets on my floor as 'gender neutral'. As well as being rather confused as to what the need is for them (there are no trans people at my work as far as I'm aware) I don't like them, and I would prefer to keep the ladies loo as is. The nearest women's toilets is 3 floors up now!

I don't really feel comfortable going to the loo knowing that there are men in there but I don't really know how to bring this up and with who. I work for a large media company, fairly young/progressive and I don't want to cause trouble for myself.

There was also absolutely no consultation regarding the change. If anyone has been in a similar situation and managed to come to a different solution? Or AIBU and should drop it?

OP posts:
redexpat · 30/05/2019 13:45

Are they floor to wall with a handbasin? If not its a violation of h&s regulations.

Happyspud · 30/05/2019 13:47

Can you give it a try? Are you just too embarrassed to use a bathroom with men?

NoBaggyPants · 30/05/2019 13:48

Are you unable to go to the toilet with a male in the vicinity?

You're free to go to the female only toilets on the other floor.

NewarkShark · 30/05/2019 13:50

What is it that makes you feel uncomfortable? What’s the layout?

Given how women who don’t subscribe to the Stonewall imposes narrative are so often treated I would say it probably isn’t worth raising unless it is a level of discomfort you cannot tolerate, or a big problem for you to go three floors up.

AssangesCat · 30/05/2019 13:53

Move this to Feminism chat and you'll get loads of advice, but essentially, it's what redexpat said.

AutumnColours9 · 30/05/2019 13:54

Yabu if they have wall to floor cubicles. Many workplaces are the same. You'll survive!

SittingAround1 · 30/05/2019 13:54

What do your other colleagues say?
I don't think my female colleagues would accept men pissing on the seat or leaving it up.

WhenIsTheEasyBit · 30/05/2019 13:56

This would upset me. I don't want to share with men. I shouldn't have to justify this. I shouldn't have to go three floors up to use a loo I feel comfortable in. If there are any MTF or FTM transgender employees or visitors, or even if none but the company wants to consider inclusivity, they could maintain equity by converting men's and women's toilets on alternate floors to unisex.

PaintingOwls · 30/05/2019 13:56

Yanbu. We have both at work, with the GN ones being closer. I once went in just as a man was coming out. He'd pissed all over the seat, the dirty bastard. I refuse to go in now and will go further for the women's only.

Oldstyle · 30/05/2019 14:01

The myriad of mixed-sex toilet threads on here (some started by me to be fair!) have provided evidence that a) blokes often don't bother to shut the door b) blokes wee all over the place c) male urine is smellier than female urine.
So there are practical issues even if one ignores the general privacy/comfort aspect. Either way, it's irritating that changes like this re made without checking how the majority feel.

bluewavysea · 30/05/2019 14:03

Yanbu, why should you have to go three floors up. There's no need for this change at all. Ladies and gents toilets should be separate. I can see loads of potential problems with combining the two.

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 30/05/2019 14:03

There are some grim women here who don't mind sharing loos with men and their piss.

ArabellaDoreenFig · 30/05/2019 14:05

No OP you are definitely not being unreasonable, I don’t like sharing bathrooms with men either, and I’m not ashamed of that and can not for the life of me understand why anyone else would try and make you feel ashamed of that.

No body has the right to shame anyone else about personal boundaries, just have a think about that won’t you next time you wish to chide a woman for having boundaries different to yours.

DawgLover · 30/05/2019 14:06

This is the set up in my office, and to be honest there have been no issues with seat up/pee on seats etc. Each toilet is its own floor to ceiling cubicle though so there are no privacy issues.

Maybe if you have specific concerns you could chat to HR?

Original poster
BalletBunting · 30/05/2019 14:06

They are floor to ceiling doors, although you can still hear everything. I don't feel comfortable pulling down my pants and doing my business knowing men are on the other side of the flimsy door. Also the sinks are all together - I like to use them sometimes to mop up spills, do makeup, or even have a private chat with other women. If men are there I think the dynamic is totally different, and far less comfortable.

The problem is my company is on my floor, and then another floor 3 floors up (with different companies on the interim floors), so the 'alternate' loos idea wouldn't work!

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 30/05/2019 14:08

It’s pretty awful for them to do this without consultation. Lots of women would feel uncomfortable with this, and no, they shouldn’t have to justify it. I would say I feel extremely uncomfortable with gender neutral toilets for personal reasons. Go to HR. I wouldn’t expect to win.

IrmaFayLear · 30/05/2019 14:15

Dh's firm has gender neutral toilets.

Without a word being said, all the women use the toilets on one floor and all the men use the toilets on the other.

The men were apparently more embarrassed than the women about the prospect of sharing. I suppose men do have, er, smellier emissions, and would feel awkward about coming out of a cubicle as a woman was about to go in the same one.

herculepoirot2 · 30/05/2019 14:20

IrmaFayLear

Absolutely. I imagine most men would be horribly embarrassed and not see the necessity at all.

donajimena · 30/05/2019 14:25

If they are filthy I'd be raising it. I'm wondering if there is anything in Health and Safety guidance about sanitary conditions. I'll have a look.
But no, you aren't being unreasonable. Its wrong. I do happen to have a problem with sharing with men. If people don't, bully for them.

Idontwanttotalk · 30/05/2019 14:26

I wouldn't want to go to the loo in the next cubicle to a man or a transgender person.

I wouldn't want the seats up, pee on the seat and/or on the floor around it, the stink, hearing what's happening in the next cubicle, someone seeing you buy sanitary products from a machine or putting my lipstick on in front of them. I would go 3 floors up to the Ladies'.

If they have them can't they at least correctly label them 'Unisex'.

CripsSandwiches · 30/05/2019 14:26

I'd feel more comfortable with gender neutral - so many bloody women where I work bloody hover and spray piss all over the seat!

CripsSandwiches · 30/05/2019 14:28

I wouldn't want the seats up, pee on the seat and/or on the floor around it, the stink, hearing what's happening in the next cubicle

This really made me laugh. Why does hearing what's going on in the next cubicle worry you if it happens to be a man shitting and not a lady? If you're scared of the sound of poos and wees anything but a private toilet wouldn't do!

birdsdestiny · 30/05/2019 14:29

You could point out that they have increased the risk of sexual assault for women in the workplace.

Nesssie · 30/05/2019 14:31

We only have one toilet where we are so it has to be shared by men and woman.

donajimena · 30/05/2019 14:32

HSE guidance states clean facilities are to be provided. If the toilets aren't it could be argued this is a breach. Interestingly there is guidance on how many toilets should be provided per number of employees. This is divided into men/women. There is no table for mixed sex toilets.