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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am I being a complete twat...

112 replies

mawa65 · 30/05/2019 11:15

My son was 21 last week and when he opened his cards from my 2 best friend he received £50 from each of them. Great, but here is the thing when their children were 21 (they have 2 each) we gave the boys who dont have a dad but there mum is solvent £150 each and we gave the 2 girls from our other bf who are very well off £100 each. At the time we were skint but made the effort as they were our bf kids. Help! I'm in a quandry and dont know what to do x

OP posts:
TheOrigFV45 · 30/05/2019 11:17

Nothing?

araiwa · 30/05/2019 11:17

Say thank you?

herculepoirot2 · 30/05/2019 11:18

You say “Thank you for the lovely gift.”

PurpleFlower1983 · 30/05/2019 11:18

There’s nothing to do, they don’t have to match what you gave them, surely it’s a personal choice.

feathermucker · 30/05/2019 11:18

There shouldn't be any expectations about giving the same. You don't give to receive.

Sparklingbrook · 30/05/2019 11:19

They may have been horrified at the amount you gave and thought it too much. I think £50 is plenty TBH.

PutyourtoponTrevor · 30/05/2019 11:20

Pretty grabby, maybe they are skint, maybe they think that's plenty, I wouldn't give that much for a non relative

Felicia4 · 30/05/2019 11:20

Say thank you and stop being a tit for tat kind of friend.

MindyStClaire · 30/05/2019 11:20

Honestly, just say thank you.

I know disparities in gifts can be disappointing and even hurtful, but most wouldn't give birthday presents as generous as that outside very close family (and I come from Ireland, land of the standard €200 wedding gift). I imagine the others just didn't want to feel obliged to be as generous to their wider circles and just gave what they would usually give.

Unless this is part of a pattern of hurtful behaviour, be thankful for the (very generous) gifts and enjoy the celebrations. And don't give to receive.

OKBobble · 30/05/2019 11:21

You do nothing as I assume a 21 year old is capable of saying thank you by himself.

Daffodil2018 · 30/05/2019 11:21

Who gives £150 to their friend's kid?! That is way too much. They are under no obligation to give anything at all so just say thank you!

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 30/05/2019 11:21

Yes, you're being a complete twat. I hope your son was grateful?

sockatoe · 30/05/2019 11:22

Yes, you are. Giving gifts is optional and you don't "buy" a right to a reciprocal gift through your own generosity. That's not how it works.

Cornettoninja · 30/05/2019 11:25

You made your choice about what you wanted to gift and they made theirs.

By your logic there is no point in exchanging gifts at all and you should all just keep your cash as there doesn’t seem to be any other value in a gift to you.

BlueMerchant · 30/05/2019 11:25

A lovely gift.
I bet you were more interested in his cards than he was when he went to open them. Sounds a bit overbearing.
Friends probably thought £100-150 for a friend's child is ridiculous and show-off.

pinkyredrose · 30/05/2019 11:25

Maybe they were annoyed that you gave one friends kids more than the other? More likely they thought £50 was enough.

Moominfan · 30/05/2019 11:26

Say thank you, don't give to receive.

blaaake · 30/05/2019 11:27

I hope at least your son is grateful. We're relatively well off and I would never dream of giving my friends children £150. Perhaps they thought the same, or didn't have enough spare cash to fork out for it? Either way, you should thank them.

blaaake · 30/05/2019 11:28

Also I do hope you use this as a lesson for your son that you don't give to receive.

Pgqio · 30/05/2019 11:28

I can understand how you feel but you should never have given that much in the first place, £50 is plenty.

Antigon · 30/05/2019 11:28

What's done is done, OP, but in future, I would scale back gift-giving and any other things you do for them to match them.

Don't be a mug for them!

Nesssie · 30/05/2019 11:28

You are being a complete twat. You say thank you even if they gave a tenner.
£150 is far too much aswell.

Thehop · 30/05/2019 11:29

Don’t give gifts anymore

Ravingstarfish · 30/05/2019 11:29

Why would you give so much when you’re skint?
Obviously yabu and don’t know circumstances, maybe one friend wondered why you gave £50 more to the other friend?!
Just say thank you!

LunaAzul · 30/05/2019 11:30

What is your quandary? Are you really going to speak to your friends and say why haven't you matched the exact amounts we gave your children? Ridiculous amount of money to gift anyway.