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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am I being a complete twat...

112 replies

mawa65 · 30/05/2019 11:15

My son was 21 last week and when he opened his cards from my 2 best friend he received £50 from each of them. Great, but here is the thing when their children were 21 (they have 2 each) we gave the boys who dont have a dad but there mum is solvent £150 each and we gave the 2 girls from our other bf who are very well off £100 each. At the time we were skint but made the effort as they were our bf kids. Help! I'm in a quandry and dont know what to do x

OP posts:
AlexaAmbidextra · 30/05/2019 12:21

Help! I'm in a quandry and dont know what to do

Well what can you do? Rant and rave at them? Never speak to them again? Just appreciate the gift.

Sparklesocks · 30/05/2019 12:22

People aren’t obligated to match gift amounts so I’m afraid there’s nothing more to do

Bezalelle · 30/05/2019 12:23

I'm squirming with second-hand embarrassment at the idea of OP bringing this up with her friend.

FrogsAreMean · 30/05/2019 12:28

Fuck me OP, yes, you are a complete twat and a shitty friend to boot!

Who measures their friendship by the amount in a birthday card? Answer....you!

And don't say you don't as you wouldn't be writing this drivel otherwise.

mimibunz · 30/05/2019 12:34

It’s possible the OP isn’t British. For instance if she is American she would have been more generous. Not to show off, just because Americans are generous.

MatildaTheCat · 30/05/2019 12:34

Well done for getting the message from your friendly nest of vipers.

What you could have done is text them asking them to reconsider their gifts. Then they could have come on here and we could all sing out in a chorus of, ’Cancel the cheque!’ Grin

calpop · 30/05/2019 12:36

god you sound awful. I would also give £50.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 30/05/2019 12:36

Can I be your friend OP?

Actually I would feel embarrassed to receive £50 from my mother's friend, never mind £150 - I wouldn't even accept that amount unless we were all very wealthy, but you're "skint" apparently.

Vilanelle · 30/05/2019 12:40

I like to think that Mumsnet edited the title.

Flutra · 30/05/2019 12:45

I don't often be negative, but you're being very ungrateful. At the time of their sons birthdays you should have given what you were able to afford. You were a knob to give more and are being a knob and a grabby one at that.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 30/05/2019 12:50

If you didn't want to give £150 no strings attached you shouldn't have given at all. I would think it excessive if one of my kids received it.

Gemi33 · 30/05/2019 12:53

I would have found your gift very excessive (especially when you say you were skint!) - completely baffled that you can say you're not grabby and yet have come on here to say you would have expected your friends to be forthcoming with more money even though what they gave was very generous - that is the definition of grabby!

bloatedbird · 30/05/2019 12:55

Ask them outright why they haven't given your DS the same amount you gave their children.

Good luck

donajimena · 30/05/2019 12:55

Ok, ok, OP conceded that she was being a twat. Calm down.

anthisan · 30/05/2019 13:00

OP has conceded, leave off now.

SilverySurfer · 30/05/2019 13:04

Help! I'm in a quandry and dont know what to do

You say and do absolutely nothing, whereas your child thanks the friend for the gift.

The only alternative would be for you to tell the friend they haven't given enough which would be beyond crass and ill mannered.

To answer your question, yes you are being a twat,

plunkplunkfizz · 30/05/2019 13:10

I am a complete twat

And very soon you’ll be in the Daily Mail too!

BogglesGoggles · 30/05/2019 13:11

You are being a grabby twat.

Sparklingbrook · 30/05/2019 13:12

Daily Mail/Loose Women/This Morning

Place your bets!

Feelingwalkedover · 30/05/2019 13:15

Good lord
My daughter got £50 from one set of grandparents and nothing from the other when she was 21.
Rediculous amount of money £150 /£100 on a friends child...

Pgqio · 30/05/2019 13:17

Stop kicking the op. I've already posted that £50 was more than generous and she was daft to give so much and I know you don't give to receive blah blah blah BUT I do actually understand why she's a bit pissed off at the disparity in the amounts. Saying anything about it would be totally ridiculous and the op now gets that so maybe you could all back off.

viques · 30/05/2019 13:17

People give different people different presents*.They have different reasons for doing so. Unless you want to ruin the friendships for ever leave the interrogation alone.

  • As you yourself did when you gave the children of one family more than the children of another family..........
AuntieMarys · 30/05/2019 13:18

You were actually going to bring this up with your friend?
Blimey

Cheeserton · 30/05/2019 13:19

Definitely just say thanks. And stop giving to receive. Only give if you just want to give. It's not a contest.

bluebluezoo · 30/05/2019 13:22

I would also like to know why you gave one bf kids £150 and the other £100?

Is it boys vs girls? Or your assessment of “need” as you mention the ones with higher amounts have no dad?

You can’t really complain they didn’t give you the same amount when you didn’t treat your friends equally...