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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am I being a complete twat...

112 replies

mawa65 · 30/05/2019 11:15

My son was 21 last week and when he opened his cards from my 2 best friend he received £50 from each of them. Great, but here is the thing when their children were 21 (they have 2 each) we gave the boys who dont have a dad but there mum is solvent £150 each and we gave the 2 girls from our other bf who are very well off £100 each. At the time we were skint but made the effort as they were our bf kids. Help! I'm in a quandry and dont know what to do x

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 30/05/2019 11:30

You say thank you. Or rather, your adult son does.

AuntMarch · 30/05/2019 11:31

You hope you haven't raised your kid to be so grabby and that he actually appreciates the fact nobody has to give him money just because it's his birthday.

MRex · 30/05/2019 11:31

Yes, you're being a complete twat.

Why did you give the girls less than the boys? Your friends have a different amount because that's their choice. You actively decided to give less to girls, that's very odd behaviour.

FenellaMaxwell · 30/05/2019 11:32

Yup. You are being a twat. They were perfectly nice and generous. You don’t give a gift expecting to receive the same back!

MRex · 30/05/2019 11:32

*gave not have

INeedAFlerken · 30/05/2019 11:37

Why on earth would you give friends' children £100 - £150 cash/presents for their birthdays?!?!

Insanity. Honestly. Insanity.

And agree with everyone else: your children say thank you.

bridgetreilly · 30/05/2019 11:39

Yes.

HTH.

FrancisCrawford · 30/05/2019 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChicCroissant · 30/05/2019 11:39

What is the quandry? That you are upset they didn't exactly match your gift to their children?

PineappleTart · 30/05/2019 11:41

You do nothing. Your son says thank you for the generous gift.

TokyoSushi · 30/05/2019 11:41

£50 is plenty, you gave too much!

janetforpresident · 30/05/2019 11:42

At the time we were skint but made the effort as they were our bf kids.

If you have £150 to give a friend's child you were clearly not skint and probably don't know the meaning of the word.

£50 for a friend's child is a lot more than I would give. If my child received £150 I would be quite surprised and not sure what to do about it. Its a ridiculously grand gesture. Also the fact that you gave one family more than the other suggests a hierarchy. I can imagine they got together and discussed this and decided to give the £50 each as they (rightly) thought that was more than generous

crimsonlake · 30/05/2019 11:42

Quite shocked that you are comparing their gift to what you gave.

Happyspud · 30/05/2019 11:44

You gave way too much.

Mookie81 · 30/05/2019 11:44

Twat is an understatement for this Hmm.
And no you weren't 'skint', if you were there's no way you'd give even your own kids £150 let alone someone else's!

ClarkeMurphy · 30/05/2019 11:46

If you have £150 to give a friend's child you were clearly not skint and probably don't know the meaning of the word.

Absolutely this! Skint is struggling to buy a card.

£150 is just way too much. Even if I had the spare cash I wouldn't give more than £50 I think.

northerngirl2012 · 30/05/2019 11:47

Really, £150 per child, thats over the top generous. £50 is pretty amazing. At 21 in my view, its up to the 21 year olds to spend the money on their friends as they see fit. We won't be giving that much!

EmrysAtticus · 30/05/2019 11:49

£150 is a huge amount to give someone who isn't a close relative! They were under no obligation to reciprocate and I think £50 is still generous!

daisypond · 30/05/2019 11:49

Your son says thank you. That’s it. £50 for a friend’s child’s birthday is more than generous.

mumofthemonsters808 · 30/05/2019 11:50

IT never ceases to amaze me how warped present giving is for some people.Its not rocket science to understand that you give what you can afford and fifty quid is more than adequate.Youre peeved because you begrudgenly gave their kids 150 pounds even though you were allegedly skint, let me tell you, if you were well and truly skint there wouldn't even be 150 to part with. I hope your son does not have your mindset and has the decency to say thankyou for their generosity.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 30/05/2019 11:50

I think OP gave the boys more money because their mother was a single parent. However, £150 is crazy and I'd be embarrassed if my friend gave that amount to my kid. £50 is more then generous, surely you don't give to recieve.So yes OP you are being a twat and if you actually say anything to your mate about it you'll be an even bigger twat minus a friend.

Original poster
mawa65 · 30/05/2019 11:52

fucks sake ,alright I get the message, I am a complete twatBlush thank God I asked you lot and didn't bring it up and just to be clear, I'm not grabby nor was my adult son who was happy with what he got but these are my friends and I just felt( obvs wrongly) that they should have been a bit more forthcoming Thanks a million I'm now going to bury my head...

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 30/05/2019 12:02

It's great that you ran it past MN rather than speaking to your friends about it, but honestly, I'm amazed that you could possibly think it was an OK thing to bring up with them! And I speak as somebody who does notice these things.

Anyway, no harm done. And I agree - 'skint' would be struggling to put a tenner in a card, not £150. Unless you're from a culture where giving less than that for a 'big' birthday is frowned upon?

FurrySlipperBoots · 30/05/2019 12:14

Why didn't my mum have friends like that when I was growing up? I never got cash in cards, except from my grandparents when they remembered.

NeverTwerkNaked · 30/05/2019 12:17

£50 is an enormous gift, it's more than I would ever expect.

I have no idea why you gave more than you could comfortably afford to?

Gift giving isn't a transaction where everything exvhanges things it exactly equal value. People give what they can and what feels right.

I am not sure what your quandry is really?