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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think all men would cheat if they thought they could get away with it?

121 replies

HelloDolly69 · 30/05/2019 00:38

Just as it says, do you think all men would cheat if they weren’t found out?

I have concerns about my husband and his friend from work. I know they’re friends but I don’t think he’s being honest with me about their level of contact. I know it’s wrong but I looked at his phone bill and he’s been texting her and phoning her a lot. Certainly more than he has let on.

I’ve had boyfriends cheat on me in the past so maybe I’m being paranoid. I don’t know.

I can’t confront him because he’ll know I’ve been snooping.

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 30/05/2019 00:39

Nope. I don’t think men are anymore likely to cheat than women.

Stroopwaffel99 · 30/05/2019 00:42

I wouldn't.

Original poster
HelloDolly69 · 30/05/2019 00:42

I thought that, biologically, men wanted to ‘spread their seed’!

OP posts:
Original poster
HelloDolly69 · 30/05/2019 00:43

What stops you Stroopwaffel99?

OP posts:
Femodene · 30/05/2019 00:46

Only the knuckle-dragging shit for brains that still, inexplicably get women to shackle themselves to. The ‘any man is better than no man’ type women who keep raising trash like this. If no one would fuck the cliche-spouting wankers the issue would solve itself within a generation. And yeah, obviously the dirty dicked males are entirely responsible, but who is accepting their drivel, who is raising their offspring while they’re out shagging, who is deeming such trash as acceptable? Everyone’s standards need to be raised so high you smash society.

DramaAlpaca · 30/05/2019 00:46

I don't think all men would cheat, no.

You need to have a chat with your DH. You don't need to tell him you've been checking up on him, but you do need to talk to him.

Femodene · 30/05/2019 00:47

‘Spread their seed’? Really. Raise your expectations higher than a wild animal spraying spunk everywhere. That’s less than the bare minimum. Jfc.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 30/05/2019 00:53

Nope. Not all men are like that. As not all women are like that either.

I am absolutely certain my dp wouldn't cheat. And I am absolutely certain that I wouldn't either.

Im old enough not to be a naive fool, I just know.

I also have a few male friends who I know are 100% faithful.

Equally there are plenty out there who arent.

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/05/2019 00:53

Not all men would cheat.

It does sound like your husband might be getting distracted by someone else, however.

You need to address it with him.

1moremum · 30/05/2019 01:06

I think there is a certain personality type that will have sex with whoever they can if they think that can keep it from causing them problems with others. I do not think men are more likely to be like this than women or any other gender. Either you like the thrill of taking risks or you don't.

MissMoan · 30/05/2019 01:16

I've been cheated on by two partners, but my father and brothers are wonderful people in long-lasting, loyal relationships and it is their shining example that gives me hope for the future.

mouldyhousemouldylife · 30/05/2019 01:17

Stupid thread

hmwhatsmynameagain · 30/05/2019 01:28

Not all men, but some l, and in the circles I frequent more would than wouldn't die to circumstance

bloodywhitecat · 30/05/2019 01:31

No, I don't think all men would cheat any more than I think all women are faithful.

EatenByDinosaurs · 30/05/2019 01:45

No, because cheating is not a "man" thing, its a dirtbag thing. Not all men are dirtbags, so not all men are cheaters.

BitOfFun · 30/05/2019 02:35

You might be better posting in Relationships about your worries, rather than turning this into some general debate, because you won't get the advice you are looking for.

Icandothisallday · 30/05/2019 02:42

No I dont think they would.

I also don't agree that men are more likely to cheat than women. As I have got older, I have seen that many more women, than I thought, cheat.

OP your husband isnt all men. I hope he isnt cheating. I cant advise what to do. But I hope he is ok.

Icandothisallday · 30/05/2019 02:43

You are ok, not he is ok

b0bb1n · 30/05/2019 02:49

I think there's a false stereotype (that even men themselves sometimes play into), that every man is sex-obsessed and would cheat if given the chance because they 'need' sex and are constantly checking women out. That may be true for a lot of men but I don't think it is for all. I think most men are honest and faithful, and not as obsessed with sex as we think, and want commitment and a family like a lot of women do.

daisyboocantoo · 30/05/2019 02:57

Sorry you are going through this.

You need to talk to him

(And no, I don't think so!)

PregnantSea · 30/05/2019 05:35

No, YABU. Some people cheat and some don't. The ones that do cheat aren't worth your time but try not to tar everyone with the same brush. There are good people in this world.

I'm really to sorry to hear about your husband, I hope it turns out to be something innocent.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 30/05/2019 05:39

It’s not a “man” thing, just an arsehole thing. An arsehole is more likely to cheat simply because they’re an arsehole.

The whole “I can’t tell him because he’ll know I’ve snooped” is moot. You clearly feel mistrustful enough to need to snoop, you now know he’s not being open or honest. What’s the point in holding off any longer, unless it’s to spend time feeling like shit while he plays his games?

cookingonwine · 30/05/2019 05:42

I think the only reassurance I can give ... no man can be stolen. A man will only have an affair if his "needs" are not being met. Needs can be emotional, physical, socially and so on.

tympanic · 30/05/2019 05:44

Nope. My brother married his high school sweetheart. They were together for 16 years. He was a performer of sorts and during that time he had beautiful women throwing themselves at him regularly. He’s gorgeous. Looks like a model. He could have got away with it easy. I’m not him so I can’t be sure but I’m 99% sure he never would have cheated. His wife did though. Shattered him.

ChipsAreLife · 30/05/2019 05:45

What a bleak thing to think! Technically we could all have the opportunity to cheat, both male and female, but most of us don't because we don't want to.

You're thinking that because of your past and current suspicions. You need to talk to him and address it.

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