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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think all men would cheat if they thought they could get away with it?

121 replies

HelloDolly69 · 30/05/2019 00:38

Just as it says, do you think all men would cheat if they weren’t found out?

I have concerns about my husband and his friend from work. I know they’re friends but I don’t think he’s being honest with me about their level of contact. I know it’s wrong but I looked at his phone bill and he’s been texting her and phoning her a lot. Certainly more than he has let on.

I’ve had boyfriends cheat on me in the past so maybe I’m being paranoid. I don’t know.

I can’t confront him because he’ll know I’ve been snooping.

OP posts:
SimplySteveRedux · 30/05/2019 15:54

A man will only have an affair if his "needs" are not being met.

More garbage. Some men simply enjoy the thrill of the chase.

A book a read a few years ago suggested that in the course of our lives most people will have the opportunity to cheat. For the substantial majority boundaries kick in and it's not given a second thought. Others don't have these boundaries or choose to ignore them. These people are the scum balls.

PinkHeartLovesCake · 30/05/2019 15:57

No I don’t think all more would cheat. I think some would and do if they think they won’t get caught but then they need a vagina to slide in to so I guess some women will shag anything too 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you want a good guy then most times it’s your standards that need raising, most the threads you read on here he was an arsehole long before he started cheating.....

JAPAB · 30/05/2019 16:03

The one that really stands out is one that I thought was one of the handful I've known who I would put in the "never cheat" camp. A decent, kind, honest, hard working man. When he died we found out he had regularly meetings with a prostitute. sad

I once knew of a similar story. The wife decided to stop having sex when they were in their 40s. She thought they were too old for it or something. He ended up visiting sex workers for the next 15 years or so, until I guess he decided that he now was too old for it too.

Ultimately the sex drive can be strong and social rules won't always stop people, as we all know.

Nesssie · 30/05/2019 16:10

Honestly, if they thought they could get away with it? Yes.

Youmadorwhat · 30/05/2019 16:15

None more so than women!! Women cheat too!! The men aren’t cheating with each other 🙄 (well in some cases they may be 🤔)

Meowington · 30/05/2019 16:29

My husband could have a naked woman on his lap covered in whipped cream and begging for it and he’d say no! Grin

If someone is being cheated on repeatedly by the same or different people they need to take out the trash and demand better for themselves. Lots of decent men (and women) out there.

Clubbercised · 30/05/2019 16:30

meowington

Is he lactose intolerant? Vegan?

Grin
Meowington · 30/05/2019 16:45

Haha! No but I am so no cream from me! Would have to go for peanut butter!! Confused

agnurse · 30/05/2019 16:46

YABU. My husband's ex-wife cheated on him. He was devastated. I highly doubt that he would ever do that to me because he knows how it feels to be on the receiving end.

BlueSkiesLies · 30/05/2019 16:47

No.

Eustasiavye · 30/05/2019 16:51

Lots of men and women cheat.
I think women are just better at hiding it.
Op- have you read any of the messages? It does t sound good if he's messaging her a lot.

Orangeballon · 30/05/2019 16:55

I would be suspicious of a female friend of my partner or husband, just saying , why does she not get an available man to be friends with.

Men will tell you that there is no such thing as a female friend, they are just someone they wouldn’t mind sleeping with. What if the boot was on the other foot would your hubby be happy?

DeeCeeCherry · 30/05/2019 16:55

Most would. Can't say all. Human beings are just not naturally akin to swans, wanting only 1 mate for a lifetime. So people get bent out of shape with constant dialogue about cheating, love, relationships etc reminds me of a load of headless chickens running around squawking on and on. I swear blind for nobody. I don't know how anyone can look at another person and swear they know them 100%. You only ever know what someone chooses to show or tell you, and that goes for both men and women albeit I feel men are more 'visual' so their temptation wiring may be stronger.

HeresMe · 30/05/2019 16:57

Who does the OP think the men are cheating with, I've seen plenty of affairs where both sides are with someone so they are both cheating.

Men are no worse or better than women in regards to cheating, it's more about if you have a moral compass no about what sex you are.

CremeEggThief · 30/05/2019 16:58

YANBU. I thought I was more capable of cheating on my XH than he would have been, but guess what? He did and left me for an OW!

hellodarkness · 30/05/2019 16:59

The single biggest precursor to infidelity in men is 'opportunity'.

So yes, I think a v high number would cheat if they thought that nobody would ever find out.

Have a look on Relationships, chock full of women who never thought for a second that their upstanding DHs would ever consider cheating, roundly mocked men who did in fact. Until the opportunity arose for them to do so, and they did.

Anecdotally, all the marriages I've seen break up due to cheating were down to men in their 40s/50s, long time marriages.

CostanzaG · 30/05/2019 17:02

Men will tell you that there is no such thing as a female friend

What utter bullshit. I have platonic male friends and my DH has platonic female friends. In fact one of them is coming to stay this weekend with her new boyfriend. They've been friends for 20 years and met at work. There has never been anything remotely sexual between them.

justmyview · 30/05/2019 17:07

I heard this statistic, not specifically in relation to infidelity, more about general cheating and honesty, but it may also apply to infidelity

60% of people are fundamentally honest
38% of people would cheat if they could get away with it, but the possibility of being caught puts them off
2% do it anyway

hellodarkness · 30/05/2019 17:13

I read that study I think, it was in National Geographic, if it's the same one.

60% of respondents claimed not to have lied in the past 24hrs.

But sadly, 92% of those admitted that they had lied in the past week.

hellodarkness · 30/05/2019 17:17

There are some interesting statistics in this article from Business Insider.

In interviews, respondents thought that there was a 42% chance of someone cheating on their partner.

But not their partner, their own partner only had a 5% chance of cheating.

Actually 9% admitted to being unfaithful.

Pinkvoid · 30/05/2019 17:17

Nope, never been cheated on. Had two serious long term relationships and had a couple not quite as long but still almost a year. Never happened and I don’t even have doubts that it never has.

I have standards and I stick to them. Any man I’ve been with knows I would kick them to the curb if they ever did that to me. It’s called self esteem.

CobaltRose96 · 30/05/2019 17:18

No, I don’t think so.

Eustasiavye · 30/05/2019 17:20

Out of my close circle of friends all 4 husbands cheated at one time or other, either on my friends or with a previous wife. At least 3 out of the 4 women have cheated on a different partner.
Plenty of people cheat, you just don't know about it.

mydogisthebest · 30/05/2019 17:33

No of course not all men would cheat even if they knew 100% for sure they would not be found out.

Some men cheat, some women cheat but many do not.

I would never ever cheat. I think it is despicable and I know DH has never cheated on me or ever would because he feels the same way. No, I am not naïve, I just know my DH.

I also know my dad has never cheated although my mum has.

AllOverIt · 30/05/2019 17:42

YABU