Been ditched for his mum

[landahoymatey]

To think I'm really upset that my boyfriend, who I don't live with and only see Saturday night to Sunday afternoon, is ditching me this weekend to spend time with his mum... who he lives with and sees pretty much every hour of the day...

This weekend we had already made plans to do stuff and I was really excited as we don't really go out much, we just watch movies most of the time.

He planned to take me for a nice meal and go to ghetto golf... but he just rang me up to say he feels bad that he leaves his mum over the weekend to spend time with me....HE SEES HER EVERY FXCXING DAY... :(

Anybody else think getting angry and upset is unreasonable or am I just being silly?

Call me sceptic but maybe it isn't his dm he has made alternative plans with....

He sees her every hour of the day? Does he even have a job?

As much as I appreciate your thought, he's really not like most men, with the jobs that he does, he rarely has time to do anything. It's all high stress and when I see him over the weekend he's competed out, we face time pretty much every night before we go to bed over the weekdays.

So If you think I'm in-denial, I'm really not, I just know he's not the 'typical'

I'm seeing my mum = cheating

He sees her from the moment he wakes up, to them moment he's home from work, she makes his food as he has not time, and then he's off to bed

Mixed. YANBU to be upset about being cancelled on when you had plans but YABU to resent him spending time with his mum. I lived with my mum until my mid-20s and we still took time to do things together on the weekend.

Would wind me up being cancelled on though!

Assuming there's not a reason why she can't be left for less than 24 hours ( profound disability, no other help) then yanbu.
How long have you been going out with him for?
I can't see that this is going to get better, even if he is genuinely torn. Especially if he is genuinely torn!

So I'd say, she's sees him enough, she even gets Saturday afternoons with him... I just get the night...

Idk I just think his mums a bit overbearing and selfish... she's not part of our relationship and she has made it clear from the get go, that she doesn't believe I'm the right girl for her son

We've been dating for about a year and a half now

Wtf "I want to spend the weekend with my mum" is definitely code for
"I'm not interested in you"
Sorry!!

YABU. See it from his mum's point of view. She sees him for a tiny amount of time, and is finally getting some quality time with his mum. It's just one weekend. If it's often, then YANBU. But as a once off, you should cut him some slack.

It is maybe that he doesn't want/can't afford to spend money by taking you out to dinner.

Do you need that very well known SATC phrase?

Ah scratch my last comment. He's just not that into you. And sounds like you're better off without the toxic mum.

Leave Norman to his mother, OP.

Perfectly reasonable

If he's under 18

I don’t think it’s that unreasonable of him to want to spend time with his mum. He lives with her and it doesn’t sound like eating food she cooks for him is really quality time. Maybe he wants to show he appreciates her. That’s a good thing.

Changing his plans though, that’s not polite. I’d be cross about that.

This is not normal

A boy's best friend is his mother, after all.

Cant you see him on Sunday. Maybe lunch out. Can you not spend any time together during the week.

Hmmm how old is he? If his mother is providing rent free accommodation and cooking for him every night (plus his laundry and does he do any cleaning??), I can understand the whole “don’t treat this place like a hotel, I’d actually like to spend some quality time with you”. However if he’s over 25, he should move out. Additionally, a year and a half relationship where you only see him once a week is not good either. Move on OP.

Does he see that much of her if his job is so intense that he doesn't have time to cook meals?

Maybe he feels a bit like he's using her house and not seeing her.

It's not fair to cancel plans, but I don't think it's weird to want to spend time with a parent. I don't like the shaming of an adult child wanting to spend time with a parent.

How old are you both?

Is she infirm?

What on earth does he do for a job that he is not like other men? I find it bizarre that he does not have time to feed himself. Sorry his actions speak volumes mamma is number one and you are clearly not.

is he watching football?

I've been blown out on saturday for football but i don't care. I agree that verbalising ''i choose to see my mum not you'' is code for not interested.

If she is making it clear you are not the right girl and he isn’t making it clear that you are and doesn’t have boundaries in place then please run for the hills , it’s still early.

Him spending time with his mum isn’t bad but something about this sounds a bit odd and there seems to be resentment between you and her for a long backstory.. if it’s the case, don’t bother... a man can allow for female rivalry or can put a stop to it...