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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been ditched for his mum

109 replies

landahoymatey · 29/05/2019 22:09

To think I'm really upset that my boyfriend, who I don't live with and only see Saturday night to Sunday afternoon, is ditching me this weekend to spend time with his mum... who he lives with and sees pretty much every hour of the day...

This weekend we had already made plans to do stuff and I was really excited as we don't really go out much, we just watch movies most of the time.

He planned to take me for a nice meal and go to ghetto golf... but he just rang me up to say he feels bad that he leaves his mum over the weekend to spend time with me....HE SEES HER EVERY FXCXING DAY... :(

Anybody else think getting angry and upset is unreasonable or am I just being silly?

OP posts:
IABUQueen · 30/05/2019 01:32

Either prove you aren’t who your DP’s mum thinks you are and make a big effort to become friends with her and suggest you three do something together this weekend.

There is absolutely no point. It’s quite telling that this is what his mother thinks, and that OP knows about it... and that the boyfriend has a relationship with his mother where she feels comfortable voicing such opinions which end up reaching the girl and making her feel rejected.

Something is already wrong and it won’t be fixed by her becoming friends with the mother. The problem is that the guy’s relationship with his mother hasn’t yet matured and OP will be stuck in the middle forever.

Run for the hills

Jimdandy · 30/05/2019 07:10

It seems odd he’s cancelled on the specific weekend he was supposed to take you out as opposed to staying in watching movies.

He’s either super tight and doesn’t want to spend money (seems plausible if he never takes you out anyway)

Has social anxiety

Or doesn’t want to be seen in public with you for whatever reason.

I do not think it’s acceptable for him to cancel plans to spend time with his mum when you’ve made arrangements it’s a bs excuse, why can’t he spend next weekend with her.

I’d be showing him the door, I think he’s just not into you and you deserve better.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 30/05/2019 07:24

Personally at 18 months, once and a week and living with mummy dearest wouldn’t cut it for me.

His mother sounds unpleasant too - are you sure you want to hitch your wagon to that horse???

WhiteRedRose · 30/05/2019 07:41

He'll be watching the Champions League final you wally, OP 😂

SpaceDinosaur · 30/05/2019 07:47

Leave Norman to his mother, OP.

^^ This

MashedSpud · 30/05/2019 08:14

If it’s a one off cut him some slack. It might be the football as people have mentioned and he’s using his dm as an excuse.

Do watch his behaviour with his dm though. My friend had an awful time with her mil which included:

Choosing the house they bought (mil didn’t live with them)
Choosing the furniture (friend found out when it was delivered)
Criticising everything she did. From cooking/cleaning/motherhood
Controlling the wedding.

Ihatehashtags · 30/05/2019 09:28

He’s full of BS sorry OP. He’s not that into you if he’s cancelled to hang out with his mum who he sees all the time anyway. Take the hint and tell him it’s not working for you.

AnotherPhantomPooer · 30/05/2019 09:32

Honey, take it from the long-suffering wife of a mama's boy... get out while you can. It will only get worse from here and if she's already made it clear she's not a fan and he's still attached to the umbilical cord then you're in for a world of pain.

Find an actual man who can survive without his mummy. Wish I had.

AJPTaylor · 30/05/2019 09:35

Is he called David?.

IHeartArya · 30/05/2019 09:44

Don’t marry a Greek - the Mama is always first & her word is law! So many things I’ve wanted but mil said no so it was no. As I’m Greek I walked into it with my eyes open.

Belenus · 30/05/2019 10:40

Idk I just think his mums a bit overbearing and selfish... she's not part of our relationship and she has made it clear from the get go, that she doesn't believe I'm the right girl for her son

Run away. If he's under 25 there is a chance he will at some stage separate from her and have a proper relationship with another woman. If he's over that age I doubt it very much. And even if he does, that may well not be you.

I will admit that this is the voice of bitter experience on my part dating someone who always prioritised his mother over me. Until that point I thought that Freudian ideas were baloney. Afterwards I came to a much better understanding of the Oedipus complex. Read DH Lawrence's Sons and Lovers. It is spot on with this kind of relationship. You won't win. Move on.

RavenLG · 30/05/2019 11:30

YANBU for being annoyed he cancelled on you. Baring an emergency that is very rude!

But to me it does seem like an odd relationship. You say you’ve been together a year and a half but only see each other half a day a week? Why can’t / don’t you see each other through the week? If you are not LD then this to me is odd, surely no job is THAT stressful. You say you don’t often go out, why is that? Does he not want to be seen with you in public? It seems a bit… casual? FWB? After a year and a half of this faffing around I wouldn’t really stand for it to be honest.

TinselAndKnickers · 30/05/2019 11:32

I had this and hung about for two years thinking it would get better. It did not and I am bloody glad I left

user1486131602 · 30/05/2019 12:04

Sorry to hear this:=
You need to walk away.
Mine was the same....and now she’s one of the reasons we are divorcing. I believe he has someone else.

AnotherPhantomPooer · 30/05/2019 12:20

@IHeartArya Enmeshment does not discriminate. Greek or nay a mama’s boy is a mama’s boy.

BertrandRussell · 30/05/2019 12:26

Do they work together? That seems the only explanation for the he works too hard to cook himself a mean and he sees her all day every day. Do they have a shop or something?

LilouBlue · 30/05/2019 12:29

Is it just me who wants to know what ghetto golf is...?

BertrandRussell · 30/05/2019 12:32

Apparantly it’s an indoor golf course. Somewhat dubiously named....

Pinkvoid · 30/05/2019 12:34

Is he into football at all? Champions league final this Saturday at 8PM, could he have arranged to watch that with friends and is copping out saying it’s time with his Mum instead? Just a thought...

Chamomileteaplease · 30/05/2019 12:36

Has he remembered that the football is on this Saturday?

Either way, he doesn't sound very committed to you sadly. I would suggest a good night out with a friend instead.

IHeartArya · 30/05/2019 12:38

I don’t disagree Another however I’ve yet to meet a Greek man who doesn’t put his Mama first. The younger generation less so.

vintanner · 30/05/2019 12:43

It could be a special time for them, a birthday or remembering a lost family member.

AnotherPhantomPooer · 30/05/2019 12:46

Well @IHeartArya, from the wife of one mama’s boy to another I salute you. My condolences. Flowers

ineedaholidaynow · 30/05/2019 12:46

If it was a special time do you not think he would not have made plans with OP or if he had forgotten until his DM reminded him surely he would have told OP not just that he wanted to stay in with his mum?

Mabelface · 30/05/2019 12:47

Can you really be arsed with this mummy's boy? I know I couldn't. Find yourself an adult instead.

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