Been ditched for his mum

[landahoymatey]

To think I'm really upset that my boyfriend, who I don't live with and only see Saturday night to Sunday afternoon, is ditching me this weekend to spend time with his mum... who he lives with and sees pretty much every hour of the day...

This weekend we had already made plans to do stuff and I was really excited as we don't really go out much, we just watch movies most of the time.

He planned to take me for a nice meal and go to ghetto golf... but he just rang me up to say he feels bad that he leaves his mum over the weekend to spend time with me....HE SEES HER EVERY FXCXING DAY... :(

Anybody else think getting angry and upset is unreasonable or am I just being silly?

God forbid a mother should want to spend some actual quality time with her son for a change! Poor woman.

She’s loved him a lot longer than you have OP. My DH takes his mum out for brunch every Sunday. She’s a wonderful mum and grandma and it’s the highlight of her week to see him.

His love and respect for his mum was one of the qualities that attracted me to him and I’m lucky to be married to someone so caring and kind. His love isn’t finite - less for her doesn’t mean more for me.

He'll be watching the footie, but I did long distance every fortnight or third weekend to make way for friends. It's a one off, I think yabu personally.

There will always be three people in your relationship. If she is overbearing and he is likely to take her side over you... You will be stuck with this woman forever.

Just search MIL on here! Look at all the problems women have with their overly enmeshed partners and overbearing MILs trying to run their lives even after they are married.

If he's so busy that he can't even make food then how does she spent vast amounts of time with him?

Sounds like she sees him in the morning before work then when he eats the food she cooks and then he's off to bed... Hardly huge amounts of time.

My dp lives with his mum and I see him slightly more than you. We’ve often cancelled our plans to stay in with her, as she’s in her 80’s now and has been very unwell, and it gets her down, especially her now limited mobility. I don’t have a problem with it, I love her to bits, she’s ace. But dp is always apologetic, and I think a large part is that he knows she may not be here for another 10 years, so he’s spending the time with her. She always says, don’t stay in with me go and and have fun. But we enjoy it. We cook a nice meal for us all and watch a film, and generally put the world to right!!

Organise a great night out for yourself. It's time to live a little, not spend the weekend watching telly with Mr Dull.

YANBU. I know someone like this. Spends more time with his mum than he has ever done with any of his girlfriends. He's pushing 40 now and I don't think he will ever change.

Good call on the footie!

Has he done this before? Do you normally spend every weekend together? I would like to think if DS was still living at home when he is an adult, I would hate to think he cancelled plans with his girlfriend so he could spend time with me. Fine if he wanted to spend some time with me at other times but I would like to think I would be wanting him to have his own life.

Isabella do you ever have plans on a Sunday which would mean DH couldn't meet up with his mum?

It’s not right no. It’s time to call it quits and walk away. Find someone who wants to make time for you. He’s not interested.

Grade A mummys boy. Got get a real man;!

@ineedaholidaynow

Not generally. I prioritise those breakfast plans as I know it means the world to her. She was a single mother who struggled mightily to raise a wonderful man. Brunch once a week, with him, reminds her of old times I think, when it was just the two of them. I’m happy she’s happy!

Firstly-god he sounds dull. Movies every weekend? (Take it as you were planning a nice meal money isn't the issue) Get yourself a mate and go out-have fun. He's a home body.
Secondly-wtaf is ghetto golf?

Walk away, he's giving you a glimpse of things to come.

You will always be put last, mama always first (notice I'm not even saying you'll come in second, you won't ), ... walk away & make it snappy, you deserve more than he can offer.
You need a real man

Dh has dinner with his mum every Tuesday. I think it says a lot about someone that they care about their mum. We take turns with his siblings to have her for Sunday lunch. She won’t be around forever. In the meantime I don’t have to share the remote on Tuesdays - it’s a win. But in your shoes I’d ask where you stand.

How old are you, do you have any fun together?

A real man?

Nice

Yes I had one of these.

Spent every Friday sitting in with his Nan as she got lonely, he lived with her too. Would ring me at 10pm to say good night. What he was really doing was shagging his way through the girls in his town in the shitty clubs.

His sister told me.

Isabella.. I think your relationship with MiL is super caring and nice. And is what should be the norm.

But unfortunately, if a MIL seems opinionated about the girl not being right for her boy, and trying to push her out.. it’s quite normal for OP to feel insecure when her plans with boyfriend are being pushed away as it seems like yet another way for her to win with her interference..

Not saying it’s right. Could be a legitimate reason this time.. but he definately does sound like he doesn’t know how to please both sides and give each woman her due respect within her territory..

He could’ve fitted both in. Made it work. Could’ve been more Appologetic if it was a needs must..

It seems like there is already tension there and in all honesty it’s not worth the stress.

Open your eyes OP, please

I would run a mile

And Isabella... I had specifically been attracted to my ex fiancé for his caring relationship with his mother. For me it showed me a lot about him as a compassionate being.

However I was very wrong to judge so quickly. Not everyone is close to their mother out of compassion. Some men are just easily controlled and he was one of them. And it does translate badly into his relationship with females because he was headless and needed someone to mother him and give him directions all the time. Basically some men had their maturity stunted by their mothers obsession to control them and this is a red flag.

uve been with him this long and only see him one night a week

God no. If he misses her when they are living together imagine what he will be like if you get your own place? And he most likely will want you to tag along to see his mum all weekends in the future and go and see her on your own too. His entire free time will end up planning to see his mum.

She's already made her thoughts clear so it's bit at if you are gaining a friend there.

I'd say cut your losses and find a man who is able to stand on his own two feet without any apron strings keeping him down.

Me, bitter, much?!?! Can you tell?

Leave him. You've been with him a year and a half and only see him once q week? Why is he living woth his mum and not you? He will be watching the football and using his mum as an excuse or you will never be able to spend quality time with him because he loves mummy too much

YANBU but I think two things:
Either prove you aren’t who your DP’s mum thinks you are and make a big effort to become friends with her and suggest you three do something together this weekend.
OR
Have a serious think about whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who’s mother doesn’t like or include you. It sounds like a whole future full of hassle. I don’t get along with my MIL. She isn’t awful but we don’t get on and it’s horrendous. I wish I had thought about it’s effects before I committed to our relationship.