Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been ditched for his mum

109 replies

landahoymatey · 29/05/2019 22:09

To think I'm really upset that my boyfriend, who I don't live with and only see Saturday night to Sunday afternoon, is ditching me this weekend to spend time with his mum... who he lives with and sees pretty much every hour of the day...

This weekend we had already made plans to do stuff and I was really excited as we don't really go out much, we just watch movies most of the time.

He planned to take me for a nice meal and go to ghetto golf... but he just rang me up to say he feels bad that he leaves his mum over the weekend to spend time with me....HE SEES HER EVERY FXCXING DAY... :(

Anybody else think getting angry and upset is unreasonable or am I just being silly?

OP posts:
managedmis · 30/05/2019 12:48

Time to find a new boyfriend

QueenofPain · 30/05/2019 12:48

What is he doing for his job that means he can’t even make food for himself and has to have his mum as some kind of cornerwoman to throw him a drink and towel when he’s finished?

Has he somehow got your drinking the kool aid in addition to his mum, thinking that he needs to be treated like a precious baby when he gets back from doing the big dirty man work?

QueenofPain · 30/05/2019 12:52

@whatfuckeryisthisnow

Ghetto golf is great! It’s neon crazy golf with loads of alcohol, and a very loud hip hop/R&B soundtrack.

Mitzimaybe · 30/05/2019 12:56

It doesn't sound like this relationship is going anywhere. Ditch him and find someone who actually wants to be with you.

IHeartArya · 30/05/2019 12:57

Another Wine

madcatladyforever · 30/05/2019 12:58

He's probably just too knackered to go out and is using his mum as an excuse.

Jemima232 · 30/05/2019 13:00

I don't know how you can call him your boyfriend, OP, when you only see him one night a week.

What does he do the other six nights?

This isn't a relationship. After eighteen months this man still hasn't committed more than one night out of seven to you.

Have you even been to his house? Maybe he's married and you're the OW.

fairweathercyclist · 30/05/2019 13:03

It could be code for "I'm just not that interested" or he's a mummy's boy. I went out with one of those for a while. Such a shame, because he was actually really nice, but mummy came first. He eventually married a really nice lady - hopefully he puts her first these days.

ElizaPancakes · 30/05/2019 13:07

IHeartArya ha - my dad would be the outlier, he despises his mum, but then again he's first in absolutely everything....

HollowTalk · 30/05/2019 13:07

Some people seem to be comparing their husbands seeing their mum for an hour or two per week with the OP, who only sees her boyfriend at the weekend.

Tistheseason17 · 30/05/2019 13:10

Yeah, think I'd ditch him or you will have one hell of a life with him and his mum going forward..

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/05/2019 13:18

You need to end this relationship now.

Do not waste any more time on this man who is in a codependent and enmeshed relationship with his own mother. She will never let him go and he does not want to leave her.

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 30/05/2019 13:19

This sounds dodgy to me. You see him once a week for what is essentially Netflix and Chill/bootie call. He works every hour god sends and lives with his mum who cooks and cleans for him.

Even if it’s true that he is not seeing you this weekend to spend time with his mum (which she deserves), I would still be having doubts about this relationship. After only 18 months you should still be in the besotted honeymoon type phase. Hanging out at home and watching movies is what you do after years together.

EerieSilence · 30/05/2019 13:19

My ex was a total his Mummy's boy. It felt like he has to check with her whether it's OK to fart for him. Awful.
At the end, I couldn't handle it anymore. One of the main reasons I left him. He used to work close to her and would have lunch with her very often - I always knew because he would come and tell me how I should behave, what I should do, how it is my wifely duty to support him in his endless quest (read 3 hours of some work in an archive, watching telly, watching more telly etc.) to finish his PhD, do all translations he needs, read books for him, cook, work overtime etc. and earn three times more than he did because he was so awesome.
The highlight, when I told him I am leaving him was: "Other wives earn more and still cook their husbands warm dinners." That had her signature on it too.

Think about how often he mentions his mother, if he needs to check all his decisions with her. If he does, leave. You are marrying her, not him, he is just a zombie appendage with a penis.

Bluetrews25 · 30/05/2019 13:20

So you could test him, OP.
Ask if you can come and spend time with Mommy dearest as well.
No?
Ask if he's watching the footie? Why can't you watch too?
The answers will be illuminating!

CheeseInACake · 30/05/2019 13:22

He's a mummy's boy and mummy doesn't think you're a suitable mate for her prince - this will never work OP, cut your losses and focus on finding someone who wants to spend time with you and wants to go out and have a bit of fun!

Petalflowers · 30/05/2019 13:24

Sounds like he hasn’t cut loose the apron strings.

He feels bad he’s leaving his mum all weekend? What adult does that (illness, disability etc aside). I’m sure his mum is perfectly capable of spending time without him.

How old are you both? Does he have any plans to save up and buy a house/rent, either by himself or with you, or to look for a flat share?

If it’s a one-off, maybe there a valid reason. However, it does sound like he’s a mummy’s boy who will never leave home.

LagunaBubbles · 30/05/2019 13:27

Grade A mummys boy. Got get a real man;!

I despise the phrase Mummy's boy. I would rather have a relationship with a man who can demonstrate his love for other people, especially his parents than so eone who cuts his parents out of his life just because he meets a partner. So a "real man" shouldn't care about his Mum, what a load of sexist shit.

Mythreeknights · 30/05/2019 13:33

I think that's a bit odd - you are his GF who he only sees occasionally - he should be sweeping you off your feet Smile. Does he also call her whilst he's with you?

Mythreeknights · 30/05/2019 13:35

Have you even been to his house? Maybe he's married and you're the OW.

Ouch! Stick the knife right in jemima!

BertrandRussell · 30/05/2019 13:41

Any man who has any sort of relationship with his mother is a “mummy’s boy” who needs to @cut the apron strings” on Mumsnet , OP. Sometimes it’s true, of course. But you haven’t given enough information for anyone to make a judgement. It all sounds a bit odd, I agree. But you need to say. But more if you want sensible contributions

IABUQueen · 30/05/2019 13:46

I despise the phrase Mummy's boy. I would rather have a relationship with a man who can demonstrate his love for other people, especially his parents than so eone who cuts his parents out of his life just because he meets a partner. So a "real man" shouldn't care about his Mum, what a load of sexist shit.

It’s not. Because a daddy’s girl who runs all her decisions by her dad before her husband would also be a no no. It’s just disrespectful.

You can love your parents without disrespecting your partner. Its creepy when you put a parent and a partner in the same category.

MulticolourMophead · 30/05/2019 13:49

LagunaBubbles

That isn't really what the phrase Mummy's Boy is about. There's a real, genuine difference between someone who cares about and cherishes his mum but acts as a mature adult in his relationships, and someone who is immature, relies on Mum to do everything (SN excepting), and who does what Mum says.

To me, and I suspect to many others, Mummy's Boy is a specific reference to the immature idiots.

CheeseInACake · 30/05/2019 13:51

I would rather have a relationship with a man who can demonstrate his love for other people, especially his parents than so eone who cuts his parents out of his life just because he meets a partner Where has OP, or anyone commenting suggested he should cut his parents out of his life? How about he just sees OP on Saturday as was arranged and planned, and continue to see his mum the other 6 days of the week?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/05/2019 13:56

I just think his mums a bit overbearing and selfish ... she's not part of our relationship and she has made it clear ... that she doesn't believe I'm the right girl for her son

"Not part of your relationship"? Errr - I think you'll find otherwise, and trust me when I say from experience that it won't change

You've already spend 18 months on him; best perhaps not to waste any more and leave before you can't bear to look at him

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread