To be a SAHM/Housewife with children at school?

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I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years. My youngest will be starting school in September and I'm unsure of what to do next. Financially, I don't need to work at present. Would you still be a SAHM if you didn't 'have' to be?

I am wondering the same. Have been a stay at home mum for 8 years since my eldest was born. Youngest is 4 soon and off to school in September.

Not sure what to do. I like the idea of working ofc but it’s a big commitment. Both DC have additional needs and there’s often appointments, meetings, apps etc.

Also, I’m wondering how easy it would be to find a job around school hours. I live in the middle of nowhere, would probably have to travel at least 30 minutes for any job opportunties. How many jobs would hire you between 10 and 2 and allow you to have time off for meetings, apps etc? I wouldn’t want to leave them with a childminder and the staff at the breakfast/after school clubs at their school aren’t trained enough to look after DS and his needs. OH works long hours.

But I don’t want to feel like I’m being lazy by not working!

Personally I wouldn’t be a SAHM unless I knew I wouid not be financially vulnerable or worse off in the event of a separation because I simply wouldn’t risk my DC’s security in this way. If I has any doubts, I’d have maintained my own career because I couldn’t be feeling financially trapped.

That's exactly my point. In your case, you would be fine. You have weighed it up and made decision. I just dont believe people should base their financial security on 'we wont split up and if we did he wouldnt be a dick' and pretending its not a risk

mbosnz, I said sorry IF it was provocative. Some of you can’t bear not having your choices validated. I get it.

Oh sorry - you're right - it was a classic 'sorry/not sorry' non-apology. I get it now!

Nah, no problem not having my choices validated - there's always someone gotta put the boot in whatever you do - WOHP, SAHP, whatever.

Shootingstar1115 not sure where you live but my employer is flexible and been a great support for my appointments etc for ds and his extra needs. They have sites all the country. It's been a bad year for him and he has needed support.

Sorry wasnt suggesting you MUST work. Just incase you wanted to explore it as an option

mbosnz, ok hun? Maybe you should get out more.

“I find it weird that some adult women still think it’s ok to spend their days reading and going to the gym (or volunteering, or making carnival costumes) while someone else earns the money. I’m not talking about people with significant core childcare responsibilities, but I find it weird that some adult women still think it’s ok to spend their days reading and going to the gym (or volunteering, or making carnival costumes) while someone else earns the money.”

I find it weird that am not an adult who is able to make carnival costumes while DH makes the money, but also find it weird that I am not able to spend my days making carnival costumes while DH makes the money.

Yes I find it weird.

Sorry if this is provocative but I can’t get my head round it

To be fair it shouldn’t be that hard to get your head around different people doing things different ways.

mbosnz, ok hun? Maybe you should get out more.

I'm fine sweetie. But ta ever so for your concern.

I wanted to be at home for the children and thankfully we were more than comfortable to do so. However, I found that once they were over 6yrs, the days were extremely boring and I found being 'at home' depressing - that's even when I was studying for further degrees and filling my day with lots of things. I like to be busy with more than cleaning and the gym. I devoted three years solid to charitable causes - schools, LGBT causes, animal welfare etc..

We don't need the money now either, but I retrained to a career that allows me to work from home and I've never been happier. I'm pretty academic so I now feel 'stretched' and it's lovely to feel that I am contributing even to smaller items such as sailing lessons, music lessons etc. My DH is amazing - absolutely no pressure from him - but I love the fact he admires me for starting my own successful business and talks about it more than I do. I still meet up with 'mum friends' for lunch and breakfast when I can, but I really do have to bit my lip when they try to convince me being a SAHM for children of school-age is a 'full-time job'. It isn't. I've been incredibly lucky with my set up, but I really couldn't justify doing so little (once they're at school) when DH works so hard to support us. It also makes me appreciate things more, as before I was earning I don't think I truly appreciated the 'cost' of things because it wasn't my money.
I also like the fact my DC see me working and pulling my weight.

It's worrying how many people are stating that the SAHM is 100% reliant on the DH financially.
So you don't think that he is also 100% reliant on SAHM to take care of HIS children plus the endless amount of tasks that a SAHM does?

I really do have to bit my lip when they try to convince me being a SAHM for children of school-age is a 'full-time job'. It isn't.

I totally agree! (Assuming there is no SEN issues, or special needs, and that parents are of good physical and mental health.)

Onegiftedgal, only money counts

So you don't think that he is also 100% reliant on SAHM to take care of HIS children plus the endless amount of tasks that a SAHM does?

Bluntly put...No.

Because it's very rare, that the sahm woildnt want 50:50 or majority residence if the kids

The earner could afford childcare, if they were to take the kids full time and their financial security would allow sometime. Make it easier to look for a new job if required.

Of course a man can work, have kids and run the house. How do you think single parents work full time and have kids manage it, if it's impossible to do housework and look after the kids?

It's far more common for a man to walk out on a sahm and leave her high and dry. Than it is for a sahm to walk away.

Can you not see the difference in the situations?

If your DC are at school then you won't really be a SAHM. However, I would definitely do it. Some people might be bored. I didn't go back to work until 6months after DC went to school. I know work 3 days but would love not to work. It depends- what would you do? While you don't need the money, it's always nice to have a bit extra. Furthermore, you feel you are contributing. I don't know how you feel about it but some people don't like to be kept by a man. It's different when you have pre-schoolers because you are looking after the kids. Just give it a go not working for a while and see after a few months.

Onegiftedgal, only money counts

I can promise you in the event of a split. Money and financial independence, makes a huge difference.

Of course it is simply not true that you are raising your child if they ard under five, and you are working full time. You may be home for bedtime but that’s it. You are not there at any other part of the day for most if he year.
You are outsourcing parenting to someone else to be a substitute for you/dh.
School age children are home for much of the academic year on holiday, so between the school and childcare facility they are mainly raising the children, not you. You can not consider a bath and a story ‘raising a child’ but I certainly don’t!
Perhaps that’s why you regard SAHP to be pointless, and many other posts that disregard proper parenting.

And how on earth do you potty train if you are not there??? Please explain. Your post is rather confused.
mbosnz

Been there, done that - loved it and no regrets about that time.

Returned when youngest in year 1 and so much happier! I hadn’t realised how easy it is to fill my days with housework, coffees with friends and gym.

I still get to do all that but actually have carved out a life which genuinely makes me feel stimulated and challenged.
I’m busy but damn - I love it

I’m a sahm and my youngest is 9 . I stopped working 16 yrs ago when my first were born . I tried working part time but got stressed with the kids being ill as they do when they start school . I have no back up to look after them and DH is not flexible .
I tried working weekends but then we never had family time . So as I don’t financially need to work I became a sahm once number 3 came along .

I must be crap at keeping house as I spend most of my time doing chores .
I get involved in the schools and help out once a week go on trips etc .
I see myself as a facilitator, DH works crazy hours and travels a lot , he knows he couldn’t do what he does if I wasn’t picking up the slack at home .
I think we are quite old fashioned and I’m thinking about getting a volunteering job in September once my youngest turns 10 ! It feels like a mile stone .

Notabedofroses some people consider providing a roof over their children's head and clothes on their backs quite an important part of "raising" them.

Well, I most certainly potty trained my child, even though they were in part-time child care! Quite easy really. Particularly on the weekends of course.

When you choose a nanny or a childcare, you are parenting. When you are up at night with them as they are sick, or have a nightmare, you are parenting. When you drop them off, lovingly, having picked someone they are comfy with, you are parenting. When you pick them up, or come home, and they run to you because they're so happy to see Mummy or Daddy, you are parenting. When you bathe them, feed them, clothe them, help them learn, and relax, you are parenting. When you shop for the foods that will help them grow strong and smart, you are parenting. When you cook those foods, you are parenting. When you help them eat those foods, talking over the day (or reading poetry like some weirdos to cover the food noises) you are parenting. When you pay for everything to make their life comfortable and enriched, you are parenting.

SAHP's do not have a monopoly on parenting, let alone good parenting.

My DH is sure as hell no less of a parent than I am. And no, he does not outsource the parenting to me.

I did limit but not strongly enough. Another poster also repeated the same sentiment.
I find it weird that it is totally wrong to outsource the finance of a family unit to your dh.
Yet outsourcing any other job in the family unit is ok.
Perdonalky I think they are all acceptable.
FwIW I consider myself a sah although I do run a music class for preschoolers but the earnings are not high.
If dh left me I could buy a smaller home outright with my 50% which I would be entitled to not because I put my career on hold ( I wouldn't call it a career) but because I have made an equal contribution to the household as not all contributions are financial.

How do you provide for your children, notabed? Or have you outsourced that crucial part of raising them?

How do you provide for your children, notabed? Or have you outsourced that crucial part of raising them?

Schnortles. . .

O and all parents raise their children working or not. They make the decisions but some of the hands on work may be outsourced.
Just like all parents are still raising their children when they are at school. Actually I think I get more calls from the schools than anyone else.