To be a SAHM/Housewife with children at school?

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I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years. My youngest will be starting school in September and I'm unsure of what to do next. Financially, I don't need to work at present. Would you still be a SAHM if you didn't 'have' to be?

Icecreamandcandy and what do you suppose the thousands of couples of different nationalities do, who fall in love and marry? Do you not think it is necessary for them to come to some compromise about where they live and work, even though it may not be totally ideal for one of them? Do you think perhaps they might make that decision based on what is best in terms of salary and what is best for their DC?

And believe me, in certain specialist fields, you do have to move abroad to do the job there.

Icandothisallday unfortunately in rl not all the implications are immediately apparent on the day you make the decision (wouldn't it be great if they were!) In fact sometimes there isn't always a decision making "moment" ; situations and individual circumstances "evolve" over many years.

And, not judging anyone else whether they want to work or not. I'm envious of women who have well paying jobs and jobs they love. We all do what works for us.

That's not the norm for single parents

Why? Being a single parent means you don't have a partner. It has no effect on whether you have extended family support. I'd actually say a single mum with a willing, available grandparent living nearby is actually in a far easier situation in terms of working than a married mum with no family support and a full time working husband.

but we all know what a difference a loving parent can make to their children, the love, time and effort that goes into that child is priceless.

Comments like this are stupid and usually made by people who think that their children are the most loved because their mother didn’t work. My DT’s are amazing- now at Uni with straight A’s at GCSE and A level. They excelled at music and sports and are trilingual. They are well traveled, interesting adults who DH and I are incredibly proud of. And guess what DH and I have careers. DH is a local GP and I’m an accountant managing teams in three countries. I went back full time to work when DT’s were six months old. You don’t need to be stuck at home to love your DC’s and put time and effort into their lives.

If you find the idea of a SAHM so provocative - ask yourself why that is.

I do not find the idea of SAHM-hood provocative. Rather, I think that significant tranches of women opting into medium or long-term SAHM-hood (or underemployment) is incompatible with modern feminism inasmuch as it seeks to redress the imbalance of women in certain roles and industries.

I think SAHM-hood is great (I am one). It's mostly easy and fun, it's occasionally hard and boring, but I've created my version of an idyllic childhood for my children.

Dungeon - Your arguments don’t make sense. Your points seem to be -

1. Nobody NEEDS to be there for teen DC when they come in from school. Your rationale for this is that you are not in when your teen DC come in and your mother wasn’t in for you.

Why can’t you grasp that you can only speak for yourself. If somebody else makes the decision that they do think being in is important, then that is absolutely none of your business. Do you think your life should be the blueprint for all families?

2. It’s ok to be SAH but only if you admit you generally put your feet up and you’re not allowed to “pretend” to anyone it’s anything other than this.

Again, who the hell are you to tell any woman what she can or can’t do or say she’s doing between the hours of 9 and 3. You sound ridiculous!

The fact is, the more time you have, the more you take on. I don’t know one SAHM who watches Netflix or whatever in the day. That’s a sure fire way to depression, if anything. Tell yourself we all sit around if it makes you feel better, but it’s absolute b**cks, it really is.

Shadycorner they are all choices you make. You may make them in the best interests of your kids. But they are still choices.

Theres nothing wrong with that. Be a sahp. Be a trailing spouse. But dont pretend it's happened to you. It's been a series of choices you have made.

I know a few single mums. Vast majority, despite not having a partner, have loads of family support, grandparents, aunts etc who look after their dc in school holidays and do the school run

I am a single mum. I dont have that. I work full time. Not particularly high paying either. I rely on breakfast and afterschool clubs. And holiday clubs.

And do all the housework, school admin, life admin. It is possible.

If you dont want to juggle it all, dont. But dont pretend it's not possible.

ClannLir, even the loveliest nanny is still not mummy. If parents feel they would rather employ someone or pay for after school clubs, that's their choice (or lack thereof if they need 2 incomes). We'd much rather our child had me around.

And DH is extremely hard working

Edgeofheaven I do work (a very few hours) helping my DH with his business but I am not working in my former career because I would have to go back to the UK to work in that particular field and that would involve leaving my family in another country to do it and that wouldnt work for us as a whole currently (DH travels a lot). But even if I did do that my salary would not justify a separation especially as I would have to pay for rent in London where my particular work is! Jeez!

Parker - but again, you are always on any thread about SAHMs. Why? If you’re happy, then why the need to comment? How does it even affect you? On this thread you pretty much have to search for any post that could be construed as having a dig at WOHMs (I hate that term because it implies WOHMs are all the same).

In any case, just as it’s absolutely fine for any woman to state her reasons for wanting to work, another woman should be able to express why she wants to be at home, without posters being so defensive that they instantly interpret this as an attack on their parenting.

I am a single mum. I dont have that. I work full time. Not particularly high paying either. I rely on breakfast and afterschool clubs. And holiday clubs.

A full time holiday club near me is about £250 a week per child. School summer holidays would cost me £3000. More than I could probably earn.

working full time, or even part time is absolutely exhausting on every level, and anyone that tells you otherwise is being very economical with the truth

So because you decided that way of life wasn't for you, it's completely inconceivable that it might be right for anyone else? That's a very ego-centric way of looking at the world! There are plenty of people out there who love their jobs, but you think they must all be lying because you didn't like working?

My previous career in the NHS was "absolutely exhausting at every level" as you put it. So I left and found a job that isn't stressful, isn't exhausting and I'm happy. I'm currently on Maternity leave with DC2 and while I've enjoyed the time off, I'm really looking forward to going back to work. Why is that so difficult for you to accept?

Icandothisallday Life is complicated and sometimes one makes a myriad of choices for a variety of reasons and circumstances. Love is involved. It's not remotely simple.

A full time holiday club near me is about £250 a week per child. School summer holidays would cost me £3000. More than I could probably earn.

I've lost count of how many times this has been repeated on this thread.

Women who want to go back to work consider those early, expensive years of child-care an investment in their careers. 7 or 10 or 12 years passes in the blink of an eye and then - lo and behold - you're unemployable.

(I say 'women' rather than men because you never hear men talking about how childcare would swallow their salaries.)

A full time holiday club near me is about £250 a week per child. School summer holidays would cost me £3000. More than I could probably earn.

What choice would you have if your dh had a breakdown, ended up attacking you. You leave set up home on your own, have no contact with him and he quits his job so he doesnt have to pay CMS.

Cause that's what happened. Luckily, for me, I kept my career and so was able to leave and house my child. What would happen if I was a lone parent has driven lots of my life choices. Like to only have one child. Because I grew up in a lone parent family, where the split meant financial disaster. In my case in then led to MH issues. Mum was always a sahp. It wasnt the best thing for us in all honesty. We are now NC.

I save all year for holiday clubs. We dont get to have holidays away. Because I cant afford it all. Save 2 weeks for the summer holidays and that's it.

If you have a partner that would split your annual leave and keep holiday clubs down to a minimum.

So yes, I dont have outside help. I manage to do my job and care for my son and run the house.

So no, it's not impossible.

This is not a “woe is me” competition!

This whole thread is total b***cks. People taking “sides” in the basis of having a job or not. Well what is a “job?” Sitting in an empty shop all day; routine office work with plenty of time to MN; or a brain surgeon?

The variations of job / career are as varied as the permutations of SAHM set-ups.,Yet people seem hell-bent in castigating SAHMs as a “type”.

Nobody knows anything about anyone else’s lives fgs!

Women who want to go back to work consider those early, expensive years of child-care an investment in their careers.

It's not a short window of time. It's a minimum of 11/12 years of paying for childcare and breaking even if lucky or actually paying to work!

(I say 'women' rather than men because you never hear men talking about how childcare would swallow their salaries

It's still all out of the same pot and the family may still be better off overall with the lower earner at home.

Not to mention, I don't want to spend the entire Sumner holidays waking my children up at 6.30am everyday to get them to a holiday club by 7.30am, picking them up at 6.30pm...which wouldn't be easy anyway as most full time jobs in London finish at 5.30pm so good luck commuting from town to outer London in one hour! To get home to having to make dinner, do the laundry and housework.

Even worse than all that would be that I wouldn't actually be better off!

Life is complicated and sometimes one makes a myriad of choices for a variety of reasons and circumstances. Love is involved. It's not remotely simple.

Their still choices. If you choose to put love in front of everything else, fair play to you. You still choose.

formerbabe you wouldnt though. It's all the same pot.

As is annual leave. You plan you annual leave so you dont have to do that all summer. You have 2 peoples annual leave to use.

Like hell you are Tmartnmum

Icandothisallday Again you are simplifying it! Love is very much involved but I didn't say it was the sole reason. We are here because it's where the one who earns the most (DH) can practice his job in a specialist area. Most people, including ourselves, have little choice but to go where they can earn surely, unless they are very wealthy indeed? Once you have a child together, I assume most families operate as a team in that way?

Let's face it, those that are being snide about SAHM on this thread are most likely insecure and or jealous or they wouldn't feel the need to snipe or be bitchy.
If you're happy as a SAHM crack on,

Women who want to go back to work consider those early, expensive years of child-care an investment in their careers. 7 or 10 or 12 years passes in the blink of an eye and then - lo and behold - you're unemployable.

It was financially viable for me NOT to work. It would not have been financially viable for me to “invest” more than I earned in paying for childcare.

After 15 years as a SAHM (but with lots of volunteering at school, church and a local charity) I was offered the first job I interviewed for. Certainly not unemployable.