To think DH makes me look like a crap mum?

[loudnoises1]

So my gorgeous baby is just over 6 weeks old and it's been a bit of a rough ride after a traumatic birth experience. DH has been an absolute angel throughout the whole thing, I cannot fault him at all.

DH went back to work 2 weeks ago and he misses us a lot when he's at work as I'm sure most new dads do. So when he's with us, he tends to be very cuddly with her, does the majority of feeds and changes etc. Obviously this is great as it means I get a bit of a break when he's home but people have started to make comments when we're out socially.

We've had a few comments from friends/family members about how she is always with him and how she's such a daddy's girl. One even asked if I had ever changed her nappy. Obviously this is infuriating as they don't seem to realise or take into account that I'm alone with her all day every day.

I'm getting really down about worrying that it makes me look like a crap mum and that DH does everything. Am I being over sensitive or would you judge a mum if you only ever saw baby being fed/held by dad?

sigh it feels like we're held to such an impossible standard sometimes

Another poster here whose DP was regarded as the second coming when he went out with our twins alone.
Women fell over themselves to help him.
When I went out by myself nothing more than, "you've got your hands full"

Do you ever change a nappy?

Only the dozens all day every week day while he's at work.
(And presumably most of the night ones as well).

This is where i wish there was some parallel universe where we could say "stfu idiot" and get away with it.

Op l would have loved my DH to have helped a fraction as much, he always handed them back as soon as a nappy needed changing or they grizzled!!
Be so very grateful your DH is such a great dad !!

A good reply to this kind of crap is "nah, I just put the baby in a cupboard and get pissed until DH comes home" accompanied by a death stare.

Says more about them that you op. My sil was amazed when dh went in to give ds a bottle but that is because her dh is a useless piece of shit.

Keep going as you are. My hatred is seeing couples with a young baby where the man is type cast as useless and not allowed to do anything for his own child because 'he always gets it wrong'.

Dh and I are equals.

I get this a lot. I am a stay at home mum and have 2 under 2 so I love it when dh is off at the weekend so I can have a bit of a break. Several people have made comments about how lucky I am (that dh changes nappies, feeds them, takes them out) ie. being a parent not a single person has ever praised me for these things! Not that I would expect them to but it is a huge double standard that if men choose to have any sort of involvement in raising their own children people practically fall over themselves with praise!

It doesn’t mean you are a crap mum at all. You are the one looking after her day in and day out. But then people expect that and won’t praise you for it in the way they do with dads.

I’m glad your husband is being hands on with the baby. It is great for her and for you to have a break and for her to form a good relationship with him. My eldest adores his dad and I put this down to how hands on he has been with him. Their relationship is wonderful to see.

I had a traumatic birth too and the first few months were rough for me so be kind to yourself. It sounds like you and dh are doing great with the new baby.

@Alicewond she didn't ask for parenting advice and given that the thread is literally about other people judging parenting style your comments are not only unsolicited but inappropriate.

And wrong, btw, there is absolutely nothing problematic about two glasses of wine while breastfeeding as long as you're not feeding them straight after and even that people disagree on. You might want to update yourself on the latest advice! (Annoying isn't it)

Stupid questions definitely get stupid answers, otherwise you will explode. Try for a shocked tone - ‘oh no he IS their father.’
One of the best bits of pushing that baby out finally is being able to have a couple of glasses of wine. With my ebf babies.