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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling bitter about mentoring new colleague who is paid 10k more than I am

115 replies

BitteryButterBeer · 28/05/2019 21:24

Name changed to reflect my bitterness. I can't give any more info (I.e. need to keep things quite vague as my boss is a member on here!) but I don't think the specifics matter much.

New person started at work 8 weeks ago. I applied for the job as an internal applicant but didn't get it. I met all the essential criteria and am already doing the job that was offered, though not formally. My feedback was that I needed another year or two to 'grow and gain more experience'. I've been in my current role for 2.5 years. I live in a very rural area and promotions like this rarely crop up. I don't think there's actually going to be another opportunity but unfortunately I cannot move home (to seek a higher paid role) for at least 7 years (again, a detail I can't elaborate on). So I'm now stuck in this position - working way above my role expectations - for almost another decade.

I really really tried not to be bitter about it. I assumed the new person was a good fit with lots of experience. That's why they got it over me. However, since day one, they have been shadowing me and I've been asked to be their mentor. I'm basically managing them. They ask me in the morning what they should be getting on with and I have to delegate. They ignore the phone when it rings because they're worried it's something they wont know the answer to. Because were so rural, the boss is desperate to retain staff as it's so difficult to recruit so are bending over backwards to make this person feel welcome so they don't leave. It's basically me and her in the office each day. I'm barely managing to keep up with the standard duties of my role because I'm so busy 'mentoring'. I'm having to spend an hour a night at home to reply to emails and work on a project (one I was only supposed to be doing temporarily til the new person arrived but she has said she doesn't feel confident taking over a project which is half finished). I have been on loads more training courses and got qualifications from these (semi-required for my job, absolutelt downright essential for hers) so im having to do those bits of her job until she's trained. She spends about 5 hours a day doing the online training for these while I pretty much had to do 75% of it in my own time due to how busy we were in work. I've spoken with my manager about this and I got a really defensive reply about how I'm making this personal due to not getting the job and I'm forgetting what it feels like to be new etc. They know fine well they've got me stuck here for another 7 years so would have no desire to promote me as my role would be even harder to recruit for than the promoted one the new person has just filled.

Aibu to feel bitter? There's a newly married team member who has been vocal about wanting a baby soon which would mean another promotion opportunity at some point, albeit temporary. Wibu to scare the bosses a little by saying at some point this week I'm looking at other opportunities because I'm worried about becoming 'stuck' (it would need to be something outside of my profession as there aren't any related jobs in my area)? They have said numerous times what an asset I am to the team and how much I bring to it and they don't ever want to lose me but I feel undervalued and do feel 'stuck' because they know I can't move for ages. I'm hoping this may lead to them considering me for any further promotion opportunities that may arise in order to keep me from leaving the team.

Gosh I sound so bitter. I'm a nice person, really! I uprooted my whole life and invested so much in moving here because I was told that there would be lots of promotion opportunities over the next 5 years. Lies.

OP posts:
monkeysox · 28/05/2019 21:26

That's awful of them. If you need to mentor them you should be paid commensurately

QueenArseClangers · 28/05/2019 21:29

I’d be researching my sick pay entitlement and going off with bloody stress. See how they cope then the fuckers.

managedmis · 28/05/2019 21:31

Awful

Smelborp · 28/05/2019 21:31

I appreciate you’re rural, but I’d be investigating commutes and finding something / anything else.

I’d also refuse to do work outside of your normal hours because of mentoring your colleague. It’s not on.

cuppycakey · 28/05/2019 21:33

No way would I do this. You need to find another job sharpish.

MrsSchadenfreude · 28/05/2019 21:34

You’re not mentoring her though, are you? You’re managing her. Do your job, let her do her training and if her work doesn’t get done, that’s down to her, not you. Can she spend less time each day doing the training (or one day a week?) and get up to speed in her job? Otherwise this is going to carry on for months - she’ll finish the training but still won’t have any idea what she is supposed to be doing with the job.

ballsdeep · 28/05/2019 21:35

What a kick in the teeth. I'd be absolutely livid and would find it so difficult to mentor and manage the new employee.
I would have to say something. Top right about making it personal, why wouldn't you? Shitty behaviour and if your manager is reading this - shame on you

DuchessOfRednecks · 28/05/2019 21:37

YANBU
That is a kick in the teeth.

You'd have to be zen to cope with that.

Crapplepie · 28/05/2019 21:37

Yeah that's shit. As a fellow (extremely) rurally based person, I get why promoted posts are like hen's teeth and also makes me wonder if the successful applicant is a relative of the boss, based on what happens here
If I were you, I'd be seriously considering my options, and not mentoring this person for a single minute more, unless my pay was adjusted accordingly.
You're also a prime candidate for stress, and I'd suggest you study the ACAS website carefully.
This is wrong on so many levels. Please, be bitter! Wine

MrsSchadenfreude · 28/05/2019 21:37

I would also expect someone to be fully up to speed after three months, and be halfway competent after about six weeks. Is she a project manager? I’d think it was easier to take over a project halfway through in your first job at a new place rather than take something on from scratch.

nicelyneurotic · 28/05/2019 21:37

This is shocking and I'm so angry for you.

You need to be clever. Be helpful but not too helpful IYSWIM. She's out of her depth. Just give her enough rope and they'll either get rid of her or she'll leave as will hate it.

You must appear helpful though. It's such a shame you're so busy or you could have prevented that terrible error she made it deadline she forgot about.

Redshoeblueshoe · 28/05/2019 21:38

I would start looking for other jobs.

Loopytiles · 28/05/2019 21:40

I would stop helping her and ask her to ask her boss what to do.

DuchessOfRednecks · 28/05/2019 21:40

It sounds like they are capitalising on the fact that you're ''stuck'' there for 7 years.. Like are you really so stuck to that company that you could endure this for 7 years. It might be possible to find another opportunity a BIT further away even if it involved a drive.

MardyLardy · 28/05/2019 21:41

Stop doing the extra today. Don’t catch up in your time. Ask your boss whether he wants you to prioritise A or B and give a break down of where your time has been spent. Be cheerful and happy to do both but do not do a thing above and beyond in your own time.

No one will value your time until you do. You sound lovely and rightly fucked off but use it as a learning curve and find a tougher side.

rememberatime · 28/05/2019 21:43

Have you asked for a pay raise to reflect the extra responsibility of training the new person?

I had to do this when I started my career. I had been in a role for 3 years and another position came up that was given to someone else. he was paid way more than me, but I trained him. I was told I was too young for the role. I actually think I was too female... they thought Id disappear to have babies.

Anyway, I left. it was my only option. I knew the company would never promote me.

KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies · 28/05/2019 21:44

This would boil my piss.

An acquaintance of mine on more than one occasion was expected to train her replacements when her company were deciding not to take her on full-time.

All with a smile on the face.

topcat2014 · 28/05/2019 21:45

You only ever make a jump in salary by moving jobs.
I have never told a new employer what I earned (you are under no obligation to do so) and jump about 5-10k each time I move.

If you stay in a job, you get minimal increases and gradually fall behind the market rate for your skills.

Remember, if you were to die, there would be someone new in your desk before your funeral takes place.

Good luck, OP, anyway.

YouBumder · 28/05/2019 21:45

That sounds absolutely awful for you. YANBU at all.

I know you can’t expand on details but surely there must be other jobs you can try and go for? Keep an eye out.!

TheInvestigator · 28/05/2019 21:46

Take a week or 2 off due to stress from doing 2 jobs at once, and when you come back just work to rule. If it’s mit in your job description, then don’t do it. When she asks for help tell her to ask the boss. If he pulls you into a meeting, explain that you are doing your job and you’ve already shown her how to do hers.

BitteryButterBeer · 28/05/2019 21:46

It's way too much work and stress for my salary (take home less than 20k a year). I have been willingly doing much more than my job required for the past 12 months as I knew this promotion was coming up and I wanted to improve my chances to get it. However, I feel the bosses have become too reliant on me to do these jobs whereas actually they should now be completed by the new person.

I could find another unrelated job in my area for the same wage, I'm sure. However, I've spent years at uni qualifying for this job and I usually love it. I'd also need to retrain for a year in order to get back into the profession.

I think I'll sow the seed at some point this week that I am looking at other things. I'll see it out as I do anticipate a promoted maternity post within the next year. However, there's no way I can stay in this role for 7 years. Prospective employers would wonder why I stayed in a 'starter role' for so long.

I'm going to go in tomorrow and tell my colleague that it's been 8 weeks and indeed she should now be able to get into the swing of things by herself. I'll email my bosses and advise that it's not possible for me to continue doing her role's jobs on top of mine and she should be allocated a new 'mentor (my job description says nothing about mentoring or training colleagues).

I'm going to shut myself in a room instead of sitting in the main office for a few weeks to wean her off of me and give her no choice but to answer the bloody phone.

OP posts:
AlexaAmbidextra · 28/05/2019 21:47

I had a situation similar to this many years ago. My first hospital sister’s post was as a relief sister ie. you didn’t have your own ward but covered wherever necessary. I did relief on a ward for three months as the ward sister was off sick. She resigned so the post became vacant and I applied. I wasn’t even shortlisted and an external candidate was appointed. After some months under this new sister, the ward was in chaos and effectively put into special measures and they had the fucking nerve to ask me if I’d go back there and sort it out. I took great pleasure in declining.

iloveruby · 28/05/2019 21:48

I appreciate you are rural OP (I am too) but honestly, remote
/ flexible working has become so much more common even just over the last few years. Please do start applying for new jobs - you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Either way you need to be absolutely clear about what you will and wont do and certainly dont do anything above your pay grade. Of course, all with a smile on your face.

I'm livid for you - stay strong, you deserve better.

dimples76 · 28/05/2019 21:50

I'm not surprised that you feel bitter. I don't think that you should do anything outside of your contractual obligations and certainly not overtime.

I would ask for a meeting with your manager about your future and explain that you are now looking for opportunities outside the company as you are determined to progress.

PerfectPeony2 · 28/05/2019 21:51

OP I’m angry for you!

They need to sort this ASAP- have you asked for a pay rise? Can you claim back toil for the additional hours? Is there a HR department?

I’d love to say leave but from your post I’m sure you’ve thought it through and it’s not realistic. At the very least they need to increase your salary significantly. Don’t let them use you. You need to assert yourself here - don’t be a pushover (I mean this in the nicest possible way- I have been that person in the past!)