Feeling bitter about mentoring new colleague who is paid 10k more than I am

[BitteryButterBeer]

Name changed to reflect my bitterness. I can't give any more info (I.e. need to keep things quite vague as my boss is a member on here!) but I don't think the specifics matter much.

New person started at work 8 weeks ago. I applied for the job as an internal applicant but didn't get it. I met all the essential criteria and am already doing the job that was offered, though not formally. My feedback was that I needed another year or two to 'grow and gain more experience'. I've been in my current role for 2.5 years. I live in a very rural area and promotions like this rarely crop up. I don't think there's actually going to be another opportunity but unfortunately I cannot move home (to seek a higher paid role) for at least 7 years (again, a detail I can't elaborate on). So I'm now stuck in this position - working way above my role expectations - for almost another decade.

I really really tried not to be bitter about it. I assumed the new person was a good fit with lots of experience. That's why they got it over me. However, since day one, they have been shadowing me and I've been asked to be their mentor. I'm basically managing them. They ask me in the morning what they should be getting on with and I have to delegate. They ignore the phone when it rings because they're worried it's something they wont know the answer to. Because were so rural, the boss is desperate to retain staff as it's so difficult to recruit so are bending over backwards to make this person feel welcome so they don't leave. It's basically me and her in the office each day. I'm barely managing to keep up with the standard duties of my role because I'm so busy 'mentoring'. I'm having to spend an hour a night at home to reply to emails and work on a project (one I was only supposed to be doing temporarily til the new person arrived but she has said she doesn't feel confident taking over a project which is half finished). I have been on loads more training courses and got qualifications from these (semi-required for my job, absolutelt downright essential for hers) so im having to do those bits of her job until she's trained. She spends about 5 hours a day doing the online training for these while I pretty much had to do 75% of it in my own time due to how busy we were in work. I've spoken with my manager about this and I got a really defensive reply about how I'm making this personal due to not getting the job and I'm forgetting what it feels like to be new etc. They know fine well they've got me stuck here for another 7 years so would have no desire to promote me as my role would be even harder to recruit for than the promoted one the new person has just filled.

Aibu to feel bitter? There's a newly married team member who has been vocal about wanting a baby soon which would mean another promotion opportunity at some point, albeit temporary. Wibu to scare the bosses a little by saying at some point this week I'm looking at other opportunities because I'm worried about becoming 'stuck' (it would need to be something outside of my profession as there aren't any related jobs in my area)? They have said numerous times what an asset I am to the team and how much I bring to it and they don't ever want to lose me but I feel undervalued and do feel 'stuck' because they know I can't move for ages. I'm hoping this may lead to them considering me for any further promotion opportunities that may arise in order to keep me from leaving the team.

Gosh I sound so bitter. I'm a nice person, really! I uprooted my whole life and invested so much in moving here because I was told that there would be lots of promotion opportunities over the next 5 years. Lies.

I'm also on under £20k a year. People have suggested to me that I didn't get the promotion as they wouldn't be able to get someone into my role at this wage anymore with my proficiency. Could be the same for you

Think of how good this experience is for your CV though - not only does it prove you can do the senior job, you can also mentor, train and guide new postholders doing it.

Your manager's an idiot, but you knew that. Bad managers happen to us all, so if the co owners won't listen (they probably won't either), get jobsearching.

As a manager, I would be very happy if someone in your position came to me with a thought through proposal for handing over projects and other responsibilities to the new recruit.
Although actually, it is the manager's responsibility to ensure that the staff are doing their job...
And i would expect a new person to be answering their phone after a day or so in the job.
You need to find a way to hand over duties to the new recruit immediately . Take responsibility for this and you will show your talents.

Blackprism your situation sounds scarily similar to mine. I think you're right. Anyone coming into my job would likely be brand new and shiny needing a lot of investment to get them to where I am at thisbstarter wage. I feel guilty though as it's thanks to my current employers that I'm now trained and able to do a higher paid job. Other teams likely wouldn't have invested so much time and money in additional training for someone in my current role.

I'd be bitter. They might even decide you are surplus after you trained him up. Maybe they needed him for the golf team.

I might look for another position on the quiet.

I feel you - I did actually recently get a rather pathetic raise last month, because they were edging close to the new min wage with my old salary. I put hours extra in each day after work and she asks me extremely basic questions.

It's frustrating and makes you feel worthless and unappreciated.

People have suggested to me that I didn't get the promotion as they wouldn't be able to get someone into my role at this wage anymore with my proficiency.. This happens a lot! It's selfish management because a promotion would give them the headache of filling the vacancy. Ironic that the better the present encumbent proves themselves to be at their job, the more it convinces management not to let them move.

OP, it's far better for your morale and self esteem to look for something else. They will never appreciate what they had until you're gone and meanwhile it will grate on your nerves that this new person is in the role you believe should be yours. Been there, done that! Hope it works out OK

I haven't had a pay rise for many years. I applied and failed to get a promotion. I was, of course asked to train the new member of staff. I took great delight in telling my manager that it was above my pay grade - because it was.

I think you need to be careful - people in the same field talk and you don't want to get a bad reputation with your current firm and then have it follow you around.

I would suggest the following

1. Do NOT tell them you are looking for a new job - it is never a good idea.
2. Tell your boss tomorrow that you are struggling to manage your own work load - ideally bring a note with you of the overtime you have been working at home to keep going. Say that you are happy to do whatever work they want in office hours but that they need to prioritise it for you as the mentoring etc means you have too much on. Ask when they see the new person being able to work independently so that your work load will go back to normal. Also ask for some overtime pay as you are taking on so much extra work due to the mentoring. Nothing will focus their minds on the fact that the new person really should be up to speed by now than being asked for overtime cash...
3. Ask when you can hand the half finished project over as doing this is one of the problems with your having too much to do.
4. Give them a couple of weeks (max) to sort it out and if they don't get signed off with stress from overwork - but bear in mind this might impact your getting the maternity cover if they think you are too stressed to work at a higher level.
5. Ask for a review session to go through what you need to do to get career progression and remind them of what was said about this at interview - state it isn't to do with the current appointment but about long term development and the opportunities you were expecting from the comments made when you joined. Be really professional about this and be willing to take on board negative feedback.
6. Think about asking for a day working from home for a bit - will mean the newbie needs to stand on their own two feet.
7. Sometimes when the phone rings head to the loo saying - can you answer that please as I'm just going to powder my nose - hopefully being dumped in at the deep end will mean that they realise they can chip in.

And in the meantime look at other opportunities - especially if they offer you the chance to work from home some of the time to avoid the commute.

I personally have known of at least 2 occasions where the person doing the job was passed over for an outsider.

I was involved in the interviewing but only minimally in the decision making and on both occasions the reason given by the main decision makers was that the worker, although more than capable of doing the job wasn't assertive enough to defend their position when under stress/opposition/lack of commitment from others. I challenged one of them hard as the internal interviewee was clearly very competent and was told 'Ok, we'll tell her first that she hasn't got it and if she challenges it strongly and coherently she can have it.' She didn't and I don't know what happened after because I left for a more reasonable company.

I'm a union rep.
If you aren't considered good enough for the job, then you aren't good enough to teach it to someone else.
The 'being new' means that you help with general stuff and easing people in etc. You do not teach a higher role to someone.
Your company are taking the piss.
You need to work to your own job description and stop doing any work that is hers, or showing her how to do it.
I'd have this sorted for you in five mins if I was your rep.

A lot of the time I feel interviewers take the shiny new person with big ideas not realising they are clueless as they themselves never had to work directly with anyone they have appointed. If the person conducting the interview was the person to be working directly beneath them rather than the managers then I think we’d end up with a better candidate that lasts longer and understands the job better

OP, you are being taken advantage of, but do not let on that you are looking for another job until you have a new job offer. You can then use the prospect of the new offer to negotiate a pay rise if you don’t want to leave your existing job.

Im so so cross how unfair.
Your ever so graceful why the hell should you take this shit.Stiff upper lip crap you must not take it lying down.
Sorry I’m just so cross on your behalf.
I would definitely take a couple of days off,and rethink my future in such a thankless organisation..

Go off sick for a week. When you come back, stop answering questions and mentoring. Refer all questions to the new person’s manager. Do no favours and no extra work. Hand everything over immediately - if the new recruit can’t cope that isn’t your problem.

"I have never told a new employer what I earned (you are under no obligation to do so) and jump about 5-10k each time I move."

They will see your old wage when they get your p45.

I wouldn't tell them you're considering leaving, but still look for other jobs.

What I would do is have a meeting with my manager explaining the impact this is having on your work time and asking them what they want you to prioritise. Do not spend hours at home catching up on emails, you're not paid for that!

"Ok, we'll tell her first that she hasn't got it and if she challenges it strongly and coherently she can have it.' She didn't and I don't know what happened after because I left for a more reasonable company."

OMG that's awful. If she had challenged the decision, she could have been sacked for insubordination or just been seen as a difficult employee. How awful to mess about with people like that.

Haven't RTFT - why are you stuck for 7 years?

I’m currently supervising the work of my peer, as he is unable to make competent decisions. We also have a situation where seniors are off long-term sick (one since November, one since March.) The second will be back soon (she had surgery), but we have no idea about the other.
When I told my boss I couldn’t do the important work of 3 others, I was told to try. I was doing 12 hour days, every day. I’ve stopped doing them, for my own health. The big boss has asked me why things aren’t done, and I’ve said I can only do so much. It’s made the gaps more visible.
Interestingly, suddenly we have 3 temps, and another manager from another dept ‘acting up’, to help with cover. It’s sad, but senior managers aren’t interested in individuals, but will replace you as soon as look at you. Unfortunately.

Yes OP go off sick for a few days asap and they will have to sort out something else.

Also don't tell them you're leaving but do ask them why if they didnt give you the role are you expected to train someone up who's getting more of a wage.

I would definitely ask this and I'd be very verbally cross about it and I would demand a resonable answer.

You've been there 2.5 years and are permanent by the sounds of it so you are well within your rights to stick up for yourself without fear of being sacked etc. Employment law is on your side.

Tell her and your managers that she needs to get on with the job she's been employed to do as it's not your responsibility at all esp on top of your own work.

I have never understood why organisations always prefer the unknown 'newcomer' to a strong internal candidate. I do understand if the internal candidate is poor....but so often I have seen people who really know their stuff be passed over for an external candidate who says the right things but is a liability in the role.

in a huge corporate, a reshuffle meant I was asked to join another team (with which I worked closely) on a sideways move- and would then train up people 1/2/3 levels above me. The kind offer was rejected and the manager shocked I refused such an amazing opportunity to share my years of knowledge with people who would later be managing me.
Soon got a much better offer.
I think they sometimes just want people to stay put in the producing roles, as they generate far more than the managers.

Don't tell them you are looking for another job
Look for another job
It sounds like you won't get a good Patrice if you stay there

Eight fucking weeks! I don't know if I would tell the company that you won't mentor this lady. That might be too confrontational. But obviously, all of the things they want to happen within the eight hour day they are paying you for can't happen. So it's perfectly reasonable to ask your boss what his or her priority is, because sadly, if you're spending hours a day managing this woman and doing her work, then you won't be able to do other things that they may also want completed.

IME it will be because they know a replacement at your level will a) cost more than you and b) won’t do as much as you. As things stand they’ve basically got two more senior people for a lot less money!