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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling bitter about mentoring new colleague who is paid 10k more than I am

115 replies

BitteryButterBeer · 28/05/2019 21:24

Name changed to reflect my bitterness. I can't give any more info (I.e. need to keep things quite vague as my boss is a member on here!) but I don't think the specifics matter much.

New person started at work 8 weeks ago. I applied for the job as an internal applicant but didn't get it. I met all the essential criteria and am already doing the job that was offered, though not formally. My feedback was that I needed another year or two to 'grow and gain more experience'. I've been in my current role for 2.5 years. I live in a very rural area and promotions like this rarely crop up. I don't think there's actually going to be another opportunity but unfortunately I cannot move home (to seek a higher paid role) for at least 7 years (again, a detail I can't elaborate on). So I'm now stuck in this position - working way above my role expectations - for almost another decade.

I really really tried not to be bitter about it. I assumed the new person was a good fit with lots of experience. That's why they got it over me. However, since day one, they have been shadowing me and I've been asked to be their mentor. I'm basically managing them. They ask me in the morning what they should be getting on with and I have to delegate. They ignore the phone when it rings because they're worried it's something they wont know the answer to. Because were so rural, the boss is desperate to retain staff as it's so difficult to recruit so are bending over backwards to make this person feel welcome so they don't leave. It's basically me and her in the office each day. I'm barely managing to keep up with the standard duties of my role because I'm so busy 'mentoring'. I'm having to spend an hour a night at home to reply to emails and work on a project (one I was only supposed to be doing temporarily til the new person arrived but she has said she doesn't feel confident taking over a project which is half finished). I have been on loads more training courses and got qualifications from these (semi-required for my job, absolutelt downright essential for hers) so im having to do those bits of her job until she's trained. She spends about 5 hours a day doing the online training for these while I pretty much had to do 75% of it in my own time due to how busy we were in work. I've spoken with my manager about this and I got a really defensive reply about how I'm making this personal due to not getting the job and I'm forgetting what it feels like to be new etc. They know fine well they've got me stuck here for another 7 years so would have no desire to promote me as my role would be even harder to recruit for than the promoted one the new person has just filled.

Aibu to feel bitter? There's a newly married team member who has been vocal about wanting a baby soon which would mean another promotion opportunity at some point, albeit temporary. Wibu to scare the bosses a little by saying at some point this week I'm looking at other opportunities because I'm worried about becoming 'stuck' (it would need to be something outside of my profession as there aren't any related jobs in my area)? They have said numerous times what an asset I am to the team and how much I bring to it and they don't ever want to lose me but I feel undervalued and do feel 'stuck' because they know I can't move for ages. I'm hoping this may lead to them considering me for any further promotion opportunities that may arise in order to keep me from leaving the team.

Gosh I sound so bitter. I'm a nice person, really! I uprooted my whole life and invested so much in moving here because I was told that there would be lots of promotion opportunities over the next 5 years. Lies.

OP posts:
TigerMummy1 · 29/05/2019 08:08

Although I'd agree that you shouldn't actively start a conversation with them that you are looking for jobs as it can be seen as threatening, actually sending a casual emailing saying "oh, I'm applying for x, please could I put you as a reference?" is quite a good way to focus their minds - and can't be seen as aggressive because it's company policy to ask.
I had to do the same as you in my last job. I complained I was working way above both my part time hours and pay grade, so they decided to make me redundant(!) and in my last month I had to train someone much more senior than me in my job to absorb it into his workload. The poor man realised in about 5 minutes that it was an entire job in itself, but he was a new senior and had been assured it was just a few hours a week (ha!) I did feel sorry for him (and his PA who ended up picking up the fall out from other things that got pushed out). I found a better job!

LakieLady · 29/05/2019 08:09

Several times I've seen existing staff who everyone thought were a shoo-in for promotion passed over in favour of some shiny bullshitter from outside who bullshit their way through the interview.

In every case, it has ended in disaster. They don't know the systems, they don't get the culture of the organisation, they don't understand the challenges particular to the area or the lack of resources. In one memorable case, we had someone who'd come from a London borough who just couldn't get her head round the fact that in a shire county, social services and housing came under 2 different councils so there was no liaison between the 2 and they would waste months passing the ball between them, or that you can drive 20+ miles without leaving the team's patch, and no you can't just "swing by the office for a quick chat".

Some have left, sometimes having been on the "capability" procedure, some have been moved sideways and a couple were fired. The job invariably went to the previously overlooked candidate. The only time I went for a management job, they turned me down and then asked me to "act up" in the role when the appointee left after 2 months, having refused to undertake mandatory induction training.

I took great delight in telling them they could poke it, as by then I was on a (technically external) secondment and was loving every minute of it.

LakieLady · 29/05/2019 08:10

Duh, posted too soon: So my advice would be to go elsewhere, as they don't seem to value your knowledge, skills or experience.

LynetteScavo · 29/05/2019 08:43

You dint actually want to leave though...you want to be paid £10k more. I think the first thing you should do is ask for a pay rise, or is that not possible befits public sector?

daisychain01 · 29/05/2019 09:02

ACAS website says that employers are under no obligation to provide a reference (unless it says in your contract which it doesn't say in mine). They also advise seeking permission from your employer before using them as a reference.

Nowadays a reference involves " Bitter worked as Senior Project Manager from xxx to yyy" very bland and no comment on performance. For an employee with gross misconduct dismissal they could include that but not "was an amazing PM who delivered projects on time and budget".

On interview forms (as on your CV) it is common practice to put "references available on request " - you have every right to hold off until you get a conditional job offer, then request your employer's permission to act as your reference.

Waytooearly · 29/05/2019 11:10

I think these work situations are similar to personal relationships.

You can't persuade someone to value you if they don't. You can advise them about what you contribute and what your expectations are, but if they don't appreciate you then there's no way forward.

JustSomebodie · 29/05/2019 12:43

Public sector pay rises have been going up (a small amount) each year so why is your salary so low?

Why can’t you move for seven years?

tympanic · 29/05/2019 12:52

Sorry I haven’t read the full thread but just wanted to say I hear you, sister. What a bloody dreadful thing to have to deal with. You have every right to be upset.

I once went for a job I really wanted with a passion, found out I was one of three shortlisted, it was given to another candidate BUT was told they had been so impressed they had “created” a deputy role for me. When pressed they told me the successful applicant surpassed me in experience. Looked her up on LinkedIn and she had nowhere near my experience or education for the role. Not even in the same galaxy.

Gave them all the benefit of the doubt and accepted, only to find the successful applicant kept disappearing on holiday so I was carrying her ass for months and months. She finally returned and I still did everything. It became very clear very quickly she was totally incompetent. I suspect nepotism was behind her winning the role and they knew she was hopeless but hoped I would prop her up. I quit and they cracked it. But kept asking me for help for months after I left, and insisted I return. I refused to return but stupidly gave them a lot of help, but not before I gave them a piece of my mind. I had so many ideas for that place that could have hugely benefited the organisation. Hugely.

Put your thinking cap on, OP. I’m sure you can find a way to find work that fulfils you away from that place. They have taken you for granted and don’t deserve you. Trust me. It will be their loss in the end.

tympanic · 29/05/2019 13:00

@Waytooearly An excellent comparison.

Happynow001 · 29/05/2019 13:14

I quit and they cracked it. But kept asking me for help for months after I left, and insisted I return. I refused to return but stupidly gave them a lot of help, but not before I gave them a piece of my mind.
Why did they feel they had the right to ask for help or "insist" on your return or anything after you had already left? You were very generous to give them help after the way they acted - they certainly don't sound like they deserved your help.

squiglet111 · 29/05/2019 13:33

If you did tell them that you was looking for another job, maybe they will want you to stay and match your salary with the job you are already doing?

If you explain that you are qualified for the role you didn't get and have ended up supporting someone junior to you that gets more money than you, they must understand why you don't feel appreciated and want to leave? Also, they might be pushed to fix the issue?

Propertywoes · 29/05/2019 17:12

How did it go today?

9w7g5d3h4 · 29/05/2019 19:19

Nobody is irreplaceable

bibbitybobbityyhat · 29/05/2019 19:30

If you're earning less than £20k per year I'm amazed you're responsible for anything at all other than turning up at work and doing your job. Yanbu to be outraged/hurt/frustrated - all the things you are, op.

ecumenicalpatter · 30/05/2019 17:46

Any updates OP?

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