Feeling bitter about mentoring new colleague who is paid 10k more than I am

[BitteryButterBeer]

Name changed to reflect my bitterness. I can't give any more info (I.e. need to keep things quite vague as my boss is a member on here!) but I don't think the specifics matter much.

New person started at work 8 weeks ago. I applied for the job as an internal applicant but didn't get it. I met all the essential criteria and am already doing the job that was offered, though not formally. My feedback was that I needed another year or two to 'grow and gain more experience'. I've been in my current role for 2.5 years. I live in a very rural area and promotions like this rarely crop up. I don't think there's actually going to be another opportunity but unfortunately I cannot move home (to seek a higher paid role) for at least 7 years (again, a detail I can't elaborate on). So I'm now stuck in this position - working way above my role expectations - for almost another decade.

I really really tried not to be bitter about it. I assumed the new person was a good fit with lots of experience. That's why they got it over me. However, since day one, they have been shadowing me and I've been asked to be their mentor. I'm basically managing them. They ask me in the morning what they should be getting on with and I have to delegate. They ignore the phone when it rings because they're worried it's something they wont know the answer to. Because were so rural, the boss is desperate to retain staff as it's so difficult to recruit so are bending over backwards to make this person feel welcome so they don't leave. It's basically me and her in the office each day. I'm barely managing to keep up with the standard duties of my role because I'm so busy 'mentoring'. I'm having to spend an hour a night at home to reply to emails and work on a project (one I was only supposed to be doing temporarily til the new person arrived but she has said she doesn't feel confident taking over a project which is half finished). I have been on loads more training courses and got qualifications from these (semi-required for my job, absolutelt downright essential for hers) so im having to do those bits of her job until she's trained. She spends about 5 hours a day doing the online training for these while I pretty much had to do 75% of it in my own time due to how busy we were in work. I've spoken with my manager about this and I got a really defensive reply about how I'm making this personal due to not getting the job and I'm forgetting what it feels like to be new etc. They know fine well they've got me stuck here for another 7 years so would have no desire to promote me as my role would be even harder to recruit for than the promoted one the new person has just filled.

Aibu to feel bitter? There's a newly married team member who has been vocal about wanting a baby soon which would mean another promotion opportunity at some point, albeit temporary. Wibu to scare the bosses a little by saying at some point this week I'm looking at other opportunities because I'm worried about becoming 'stuck' (it would need to be something outside of my profession as there aren't any related jobs in my area)? They have said numerous times what an asset I am to the team and how much I bring to it and they don't ever want to lose me but I feel undervalued and do feel 'stuck' because they know I can't move for ages. I'm hoping this may lead to them considering me for any further promotion opportunities that may arise in order to keep me from leaving the team.

Gosh I sound so bitter. I'm a nice person, really! I uprooted my whole life and invested so much in moving here because I was told that there would be lots of promotion opportunities over the next 5 years. Lies.

Pay rise !

Oops, posted too soon!

The thing is, it’s not that she’s on £10k more than you - it’s that her salary is more than 50% higher than yours, when you’re not only doing the same job, you’re essentially her manager and even though she’s new it doesn’t sound like that will change any time soon.

I don’t know what the industry is so it’s possible there are fixed numbers of roles at each level / band. However, since you are essentially doing a more senior role in all but name and wage, they clearly need another senior person rather than your more junior role.

The rural thing is a double edged sword because while you may be trapped, they sort of are too - it will be much harder for them to recruit for your role, and more expensive because they won’t get someone of your skill, training and competence for what they’re paying you. And they know it.

You’ve already had some great advice from a PP a few comments up and I would handle it the same way. However, I’d also be looking at market rates for the role you’re actually doing (and for the one you’re contracted for as well) and ensure these form part of your discussions.

For example, given the qualifications, experience and training you now have, you could get an extra £Xk if you went elsewhere, along with a more senior role and better career progression. It’s not just about what you’re doing now - it’s about what chances for progression you have in the future. Be clear that this is not the path you were sold when you joined the company.

Personally I’d be making it very clear that they’d be promoting me when your colleague takes maternity leave and that it will be a permanent promotion (if that’s at all possible in your industry) regardless of your colleague’s return, since you’re already doing the more senior role.

(If your role directly generates income this is even easier to argue)

In the meantime, you’re putting in far too many hours and providing too much expertise for someone of your level so tell them they either need to be paying you for the job you’re actually doing, or paying you overtime, or they need to start prioritising your workload so that you’re not doing 1.5 jobs until the colleague’s maternity leave (at which point will they hire cover, or expect you to do 2.5 jobs because they’re being oh so generous in promoting you?).

It’s time to get tough but present it in a way that makes it clear you want to stay with the company, you appreciate their investment and belief in you, but if given no other option you will find something else because you need to be compensated for the job you’re doing and be thinking about your career longterm.

I feel guilty though as it's thanks to my current employers that I'm now trained and able to do a higher paid job.
Sounds like you have and still are repaying their past investment handsomely though OP. Absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Also it feels from the tone of your posts (excuse me if I'm wrong) that you are female. I bet a male in the same situation would be thinking more objectively/strategically/assertively about their career and for that to be a good thing. Females are often required to be more "team players" and less personally ambitious - sometimes at a personal cost, as in your current case.

Good luck with your job search - although I'm not sure I'd be so open about them knowing you are looking externally. You deserve to be recognised and properly rewarded for the job you actually do. It's a shame your management are too short sighted to see this. 🌹

I have never understood why organisations always prefer the unknown 'newcomer' to a strong internal candidate.

Because they want to

• spread their risk, prevent all eggs in one basket
• bring new blood into the organisation, with diverse external experiences, expertise and qualifications
• they don't care that existing staff have been invested in and training budget expended on them ( it's sunk cost )
• they want stability, so reducing disruption of moving staff becomes more important than giving staff progression.
• they lack day to day visibility that existing hard working staff member become disenchanted -.everyone is ultimately replaceable.

There are good employers who value staff contributions but it relies on decision-makers being forward-thinking visionary people, who see value in recognising home-grown talent and are passionate about development. If they are not, staff are "resources" and succession planning is a greater priority.

Bitter keep your powder dry re looking for other jobs, it doesn't do you any favours telling them your future plans. They'll soon know it when you have the pleasure of handing in your notice, if you do decide to find a new job. That's a far stronger message than talking about it prematurely, it will come across as sour grapes.

You'll look back in future and see this in a new light. Currently it's raw and frustrating for you. Having Plan B is always good!

I feel for you. The reason why it happens is often because of skills beyond experience, ie. Political awareness of how to speak with customers, people high up in the company, ie. how to play the game. Some are clueless getting on with the job but expert in public relations...

The most likely scenario is that they won't stay because it is also a very uncomfortsbleposition to be in when you are supposed to manage someone who knows more than and who understandably feels very bitter about the situation.

If I were you, I stood still and work on the reasons why you were not given the job in the first place. Give it 6 months and that person will go and it will be your best chance to be selected this time.

I absolutely would not tell your employer you’re looking for another job. I would, however, not be happy working as you currently are.

You said upthread that it would be more difficult to recruit for your role than the one you wanted. This is why you’ve been rejected. It’s lazy management. Meanwhile you’re doing your manager’s job and when you challenge them on it, you’re accused of sour grapes. It sounds all round as though your manager isn’t very good at their job.

I do like the approach that Londonmummy has suggested. However, I think your manager may tell you to eff off again, so do be prepared to take this higher. Be clear. Not only are you doing this colleagues work, you’re mentoring and managing them in a position, which is well below that pay grade. You’re actually also doing your managers job for them!

So what if they have spent thousands training you. Don’t feel guilty. You’ve paid that back over and over again. You need to get in with your job and stop helping this person. They’ve been there 8 weeks.

It’s a good idea to hold up. Time to say you need to get in with your work as you’re so behind and won’t be answering the phone. New Colleague sounds lazy too.

Hoping you can get this sorted.

Thanks so much again for the advice everyone. Feeling more confident and determined this morning. I'm going to stop doing this mentoring and the additional work from today.

I've always been told by my current employer that I must let them know if j start looking for other jobs. It's the public sector and the application form around the UK is pretty much generic. If asks for two references in the first instance and my boss has said that I cannot provide their details unless they give permission. Therefore, I would need to tell them right away before even submitting thevapplocation for another job in order to obtain permission for providing a prospective employer with my boss's contact details ... need to speak to HR about this.

ACAS website says that employers are under no obligation to provide a reference (unless it says in your contract which it doesn't say in mine). They also advise seeking permission from your employer before using them as a reference.

How do other people get round this? How do you do job searching without telling your current employers when you need to give prospective employers reference details in the initial application?

Re the reference. Most employers only take up a reference as part of pre employment checks so you would have already been offered the job. Plus on a lot of app forms I've filled in you can tick a box to say if they can or can't contact your current employer until after an offer.

However I'd still let them know you're looking and are disappointed especially re the calibre of the person that they thought more of than you.

You only need to inform your managers if you look for jobs in the public sector. You can also move into the private one.... perhaps not in your current specialty but in something else. They promised you succession planning and haven’t delivered. So I’d only inform them if you need to for an application form.

Perhaps someone in the public sector will come along and talk you through that bit.

^ I see whiterose has answered that one. If you can tick a box asking them not to contact your employer until you’ve been offered a role, I’d not be saying anything. They really do want their cake and eat it at your place, don’t they?

I wouldn't tell them you're looking for new jobs. But what I did at one place was turn up every now and then in what was obviously an Interview Outfit, act a bit nervous and repeatedly remind everyone that I must - SIMPLY MUST - leave on time that day. Then just drop everything at that time and go.

As for the training/mentoring a new person. Are you keeping a clear record of what you are teaching them? I used to make a sheet for each aspect of the job, broken down into tasks and we both used to sign them off when they had been taught. That way if it all goes tits up you can say "but they were trained - here's the proof"

It sucks as much as it blows. Not much real advice about how to handle it, but you definitely should keep track of all overtime, all deadlines you're missing and why, and so on.

good luck

I think the OP is too useful in her role to let her move on, so it's easier to get someone else for the promotion.
OP is still putting herself above and beyond by catching up on work at home.
In the future OP will have this person as her boss so being nasty might backfire. It's a bit late but she could ask for payrise or at least speak reasonably to her boss saying she has spent x weeks mentoring AND doing her own job and can no longer do both.

As whiterose said, just tick the box, or write onto the form, to say if they can or can't contact your current employer until after an offer. It is standard practice and won't be held against you by the prospective employer, they know why it is done!

YANBU.

Years back I was acting up into a role for over 2 years - when it became available I was told I couldn't apply as it was first open to staff that were already on that grade.

The person who got the job didn't have a clue what they were doing and it was expected that I showed them the job. I went to my manager (who agreed with me) and told him under no circumstances was I 'training' this person. I would he civil and polite but as it had been decided this person was more qualified than me to do the role they could get on with it. I left shortly afterwards - I could never get over it to be honest. Especially as I believed it was discrimination for various reasons.

Do not tell them you are thinking of leaving. It shows disloyalty and a lack of commitment. They will start to think about how to replace you. If I were you, I’d ask for a job profile review from your manager and HR. If they identify that you are working at the higher grade then they should move you to that. I have a very specific set of skills and was told off the record that I was passed over for promotion because it would be very difficult to replace my current role. I’m going through a rebranding process to demonstrate I am doing the higher level role and should (I hope) get the promotion AND get to stay in my specialist area.

This was me in UK working for educational charity 15yrs ago-SeniorManager advised me to go for senior role,said it needed to be filled 'in house', a dead cert etc..then a woman from a different department decides she wants a change of scene,a 'vertical'move,so i get offered her job(seen as a promotion)instead&she takes role i wanted as they need someone younger with her client group(she couldnt deal with the teens anymore)It felt like a kick in the fanny2b fair as i wouldve had travel entitlement/accom allowance..but i was able to use my role&emigrate to Oz so every cloud,as they say! Id take sick leave&put your energy into a massive job hunt.

i would be going and asking for a payrise, and explain that as you are doing 3/4 of the job that they hired a fully experienced and quallified person for, as she doesnt seem to be doing it, that you feel you should be paid on par with her... or maybe she should do 100% of her job

Bloody hell OP, I'm bitter on your behalf.

That's all different kinds of wrong.
I'm glad you're looking somewhere else.
Although 4 hours of travelling sounds horrific. Do you have kids?

Either way, definitely let them know you're looking elsewhere - they deserve it. Ungrateful swines.

I’d email your manager listing all the help you’ve given the new person and say it os impacting negatively your work load. Also I’d me n as said upthread that if they deemed you under qualified for the post how can you mentor someone who in that post.

I would not tell them you’re looking for a new job.

Taking sick leave is awful advice. If OP's public sector job is anything like mine sickness absence is heavily monitored. New employers also ask about sickness as part of a reference check.

OP you are not being unreasonable. Stop doing extra in the evening. As a 'mentor' you should be feeding back to your boss in a coherent way. ie X seems to need extra support with phone training. I'd like to hand over Y project on Monday X has been fully briefed. Write up note of your training sessions so it's all evidenced then step back.

I've always been told by my current employer that I must let them know if j start looking for other jobs

They can fuck right off with that. As a few pp have said, put down the details for a reference but either tick the box saying 'not to be contacted till interview / job offer' or add that in yourself.

I would go to the bosses and say that since you've done 8 weeks of mentoring, your own job is suffering as a result so you won't be doing it anymore and will refer all queries from the new hire to them.

Similar thing happened to me. In the end I was forced out after being an 'asset' for years. Don't stay around and be bitter!!