Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my DH is BU

127 replies

kooklet · 28/05/2019 15:25

Long time lurker – this is my first foray into actual chat…deep breath...

Some background; DH has a high pressure job, works long hours, is often away on business. I am self employed and work at home: the vast majority of childcare falls to me. 2 kids, one with ASD, both at school. DH takes them to school 1 morning a week. I do the rest, bar the odd weekend when I have to work.

My issue is that my DH puts himself first. All. The. Time. So far this year, he’s done a five day stag bender, at least 5 weekends of stuff with his mates (uni reunion, birthdays, weddings etc), six days in the US on a (non-essential) work trip over the Easter holidays, which he left for the day after DC became A&E level unwell. On top of this there are the business trips abroad, often at weekends. Last night, he got back from a 4 day festival: he left me with both kids, one of whom is again ill, and no car on a half term BH weekend. It wouldn’t irritate me so much if he saw the kids during the week, but he doesn’t.

I’m miffed. I voiced my displeasure before he left for this bloody festival. When he got back he asked if I was still angry and when I assented and tried to explain why I was put out, he stormed off and avoided me for the rest of the evening. He then texts me this morning, telling me that he’s upset because I’ve held a grudge over the entire weekend, it’s all in my head because of my pms and that he came back a day early to help out – implication being that I should be grateful. He didn’t come back a day early – he didn’t have today off work ffs. Am I going mental, or is he being a twat? Confused

OP posts:
JustTwoMoreSecs · 04/06/2019 18:03

I tell him that when I do go away it involves a tonne of extra admin at which point he tells me I’m a control freak and he stopped bothering to offer to help she’s ago because whatever he did was never good enough for me
I think lots of mothers are guilty of this, me included, especially when we are used to being in charge.
Maybe an idea would be to actually do what he suggests: go away for 2-3-4 days but don’t sort anything out for him except for writing down dates and times of appointments/classes etc.
Really, don’t arrange childcare or check if your parents/ILs are available, don’t prepare food or even tell him what they need to eat, don’t give instructions about clothes, don’t tell him anything about the bedtime routine... the point is absolutely not to sabotage him, but to give him the liberty of doing things his way.

JustTwoMoreSecs · 04/06/2019 18:06

And also to really understand how hard it is!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page