To ask when you've been embarrassed by your pet?

[AIBUPODCAST]

Producer Amanda has a myriad of tales about her childhood dog behaving appallingly in public (the local bowls club erected a HUGE gate to keep him from digging holes on the green), so Lucy & Aasmah would LOVE to hear some stories from the forum!

We had just moved house and had reached the point where my cats could go outside. Tabby Cat stayed in the garden and pottered around sniffing the flowers. Tortie Cat hopped over the gate and was off. At dinner time, I went out and rattled the biscuit box. Tabby Cat trotted in and Tortie Cat was nowhere to be seen. I kept rattling and eventually heard Tortie Cat calling me onto the front lawn. As a dutiful cat servant, I head out and proceed to fuss her before picking her up and carrying her inside.

Later on my DH came home. He was stopped by a neighbour and told about Tortie Cat's behaviour. She had followed their cat inside, eaten his food, walloped him and then pissed on their rug. While maintaining eye contact with the neighbour and his wife.

Tortie Cat is still around and rules the neighbourhood with a paw of iron.

Years ago we were looking after my mums Golden Retriever.
We took her for a walk in the woods at the back of our house and as she had great recall she was off lead. Turned around to find her gone!
Lots of running around panicking and all the neighbours came to help ( small cul de sac). After a couple of hours one of the neighbours came out to say she had found the dog but we should come and see,
Dog was spark out upstairs on neighbours bed!
They used to have dogs and luckily found it funny - obviously I replaced the bedding!

Aw, that is so cute, Hoppinggreen! I would be delighted to find a golden retriever asleep on my bed!

My dog is very lovely but does disgrace himself on occasion. Dh took him to the pub for a pint. He is very docile (dog, not dh so much!) and just sits there, waiting for the odd crisp to come his way. Suddenly dog turns round to the stool behind him where a man is sitting hunched forward, exposing a hairy bum crack. Dog starts sniffing very enthusiastically, right in the man's bum. Mortification all round.

My previous dog used to embarrass me on a regular basis.
She loved to roll in anything stinky, but the very worst time was on a walk with DH when she found a pile of human excrement at the bottom of a cliff and rolled in it...
She rarely got bathed in the house after these revolting episodes. Hosed down in the garden.

Our dog weed on the dog trainers foot at his first session while we were introducing ourselves...

Ddog I had as a child was bonkers. I once took him to the dog beach for a walk and there were some parents who's kids were paddling in the sea. Cue DDog cocking his leg up and pissing all over the kids shoes. Luckily the parents found it hilarious while the kids were outraged.

And our puppy waited until a big family meal (all just sat down to eat) to do a poo on the kitchen floor while looking at us in turn

DDog was in the garden with me and being a rather large puppy can still at times be a right royal pain in the arse.

It was only as I shouted 'You are not too old yet for me to still take your balls...' and heard giggling that I remembered there were builders in next door but ones garden.

Another funny one my mum gets walked home from work once she gets of the bus by the neighbours cat, but this cat and her cat hate each other. So the ginger one walks my mum up to her road and waits until my mums black cat comes round the corner and takes over an he walks home and then my mums cat walks her to the front door and comes in for the night it's amazing.

God, so many stories!

Childhood dog was a sod for running off on walks: we phone the local police station who were a fair distance away. They had him and said he’d basically knocked at the back door to come in.

My cat has brought home an entire unopened packet of bacon, then a whole roast chicken the next week. He was only little, I have no idea how he got over the six feet fence both times!

We have a shared drive and get the dogs out of the boot then open the front door. One day, the neighbour’s door was open. In runs ddog, straight upstairs.

Hacking out around the vairposh streets surrounding the yard and the horse crapped out the most enormous shit just as a mum and her dc were coming out of their house. He’d turned slightly sideways so it landed right on the pavement. Horrific.

The horse is notorious for refusing to be caught by anyone but me, but is normally good with his best mate’s mum. One day, however, he wasn’t having it. The yard called me to come and get him in. He was in a right state, sweating, shouting, properly panicked. He came up to me, yard owner in attendance cos he thought I’d have trouble getting him. He then proceeded to rear the length of the lane back to his box. Just shameful, given what a placid boy he is normally.

The dogs love to retrieve, they live for this on walks. Dementia dog (very old) was only ever interested in dummies or live targets (!!) and once brought me a huge pigeon, just as another dog walker was coming out of a wooded section of the park. He dumps the pigeon at my feet as I’m putting the lead on the other two. They promptly squabble over it and the winner triumphantly trots off with the spreadeagled and by now dead bird. Other dog walker clearly looks appalled as I recall the proud dog and retrieve the pigeon, loudly bollocking all three dogs.

In his prime, the old dog once jumped in the Grand Union canal, in the path of an oncoming barge, to chase a duck, which of course takes off and leaves the dog frantically spinning round looking for it as the barge approaches ever nearer and I scream at him frantically to come here you bad dog! He wasn’t quite tall enough to launch himself up the side of the canal, so I have to get down and haul him up by his collar much to the amusement of the barge owners.

Our dog is really embarrassing.

We were on my favourite dog walk along the sea front and I turned around and DH had got down on one knee and presented a ring box ... our dog started pooing. Hes pooing in the photos and I'm holding a poo bag. I did say yes, but picking up the poo sort of spoilt the moment.

That evening DH had made a picnic to take down there with some champagne to watch the sun set.
It really was beautiful.

We got home, and I'd taken some pictures of my ring and the sunset and some words in the sand and wanted to look at them.

Yep, yet again in the background is DDog doing another poo. Hes had to be cropped out of the photos.

Needless to say he did not come to our wedding!!!

When we invited a new playmate to our house in our newish neighbourhood. Other mum moved the pouffe to discover a dead mouse. I had to pick up said mouse while trying not to show my horror and reassure that it must have been freshly killed and I am not a shit housewife ( I am naturally a shit housewife so tried really hard to create a good impression)

My Jack Russell loves going in the car. We passed a police car on a walk, parked at the side of the road, door open... My dog jumped in onto the drivers knee, farted, French kissed him and then beeped the horn with her bum.

@vampirethriller

My cats used to go and bang on an elderly neighbour's kitchen window early in the morning - she was an early riser, to beg for food.

She used to buy chicken wings for them off the Morrison's counter to give to them. I asked her not to because of the choking risk, but she said it made her happy so I just left them to it

Another, now sadly departed, cat used to do a big shit in the cat box every time he went to the vets. I don't know if it was genuine fear or a big 'fuck you' dirty protest. One time he also managed to stand in the shit and roll in it and was literally covered in it by the time I got there. I had to glove up and hold him while the nurse washed him, before the vet would even look at him.

When my dog was younger she loved to go to my bedroom and steal and chew on things.

Once I was out on a sathurday night and madame had found my strip of contraceptive pills and helped herself to it. It was nearly full before she found it and she ate almost all of them.
I called our lovely vet who lives above his practice and is available 24/7 in case of emergencies at about midnight as I was in total panic. He laughed and told me not to worry unless she got really sick (she seemed fine).
And he mentioned the hormones could likely make her superhorny and behave accordingly

Invited new DBF into house. Luckily he had cats when young. I have Dcat. On his first introduction to him she jumped onto his knee and farted 😱 But then as if that wasn't bad enough we went upstairs and while he was lying naked on the bed she ran over his body 😱😱😱 how she missed scratching his bits ill never know🤷‍♀️

One of my cats shags things (cushions, scarves, bags, coats etc.). It looks like he's cutely kneading them, until you look closely. Gross.

@jaxhog my cat used to do this too. He took special interest in a fluffy hot water bottle cover and would hump it every day and make a terrible racket. Weird behaviour seeing as he had been neutered at 3 months old

We had a previous cat who was also embarrasing. While I was visiting a neighbour, he came up to the window and then (in full view) proceeded to spray all her pot plants, in turn, on the patio outside. Fortunately, she saw the funny side. As did I, eventually.

I took our "well behaved" Spaniel round to our friends house to meet their puppy, and show them how their spaniel might turn out.
Our's did a huge wee in the kitchen, then a poo in the dining room which was bad enough. So I said lets take them outside where he can't do any more damage. Our Spaniel ran outside and promptly jumped into their fishpond and stood there looking as pleased as punch with himself. I haven't taken him back.

My neighbour spotted my cat shagging another cat on the local high street (about a mile away). So she said anyway.

My greyhound would do a giant poo on the high street, but only if there was a good number of people around

She ran into an upscale B&B and pee'd o the floor

She somehow managed to find a used tampon ( when walking through town) and would not drop it. Just walking around with it. I had to use my foot to dislodge it from her mouth.

God I miss that dog......
🤣

I have two cartoonishly cute and soft chinchillas. When our guests meet them for the first time, they tend to be smitten and can't believe such adorable creatures exist. This is usually when one of the chinchillas decides that now would be the time to languorously, lovingly lick its own (alarmingly large and red) erect penis.

Whenever I take Dcat to the vets and he has his temperature taken he literally backs up onto the thermometer