I am sick of being addicted to my phone.. sorry this is an upsetting rant from me

[cutoutaddiction]

Ironic im typing this on my phone but everyone is in bed asleep and I cannot sleep, got a lot on my mind.

I'm so fed up and tired of it. I have been addicted to my phone for as long as I can remember. Every night for hours on end up up on my phone instead of reading a book or doing some knitting. I am on it more than I am not. I have a toddler who deserves and needs my attention and I am a shit mum for not giving him it. The first thing I do in the morning is look at my phone and then I go back on it while having a cup of tea, then I get ready, go back on my phone again, do things in between... I almost threw it against the wall but I remained calm and just put it down. I hate the thing and it is ruling my life! I WANT to do other things that I ENJOY. Why am I not enjoying doing things with my toddler? Why am I a lazy cow for not taking him to the park? Or do some colouring? Why do I feel like I have to actually go toilet at work so I can whip out my phone and check that's going on? I can't do this anymore.

Please can someone tell me what to do to occupy mine and my DS time throughout the day when I'm off work? Should I just throw this shitty fucking thing that's controlling my life? I don't want my baby to feel neglected anymore. He deserves more than a shit mum who'd rather sit on her fat arse and play on her phone instead of spending precious time with him.

I think you're just lonely @cutoutaddiction and you're filling the void by being on the phone. I think until you look at that and address it, you'll always want to be on it.

I'd start by setting yourself one small thing each day - eg have a picnic with DS in the park, go on a bug hunt, etc and leave the phone at home. Once you've done this you will feel a bit better about yourself for engaging with your DS (the way you talk about yourself isn't good, you need to work on that). As you begin to feel better about yourself you may feel you want to do more things, and go from there.

I found mum and toddler groups hard to break into - it felt like there were established friendships already. I would hope the organiser though would help you settle in, and facilitate meeting other mums. Perhaps you could explain how difficult you find it and ask them to help?

I also did small groups (toddler football, rhyme time at the library, baby gym) which got me out of the house. However I only really started making friends when my DC went to nursery and they made friends.

You have my sympathies, it's really hard. But please be nicer to yourself. You obviously care very much about your DC, you just need a bit of support.

PS Do you ever get time for you? Go out of an evening? Is there a DH/DP around? What about family members or friends?

I've never owned a smart phone and I never will. I honestly think they are a bit evil, generally bad for humanity and most people are addicted to them. You can just get rid of it. You'll miss it for a short time but you'll soon get used to it and feel happier when you do.

Your phone is not the only way you can connect to people, go out and talk to people, invite people round for dinner, join a club.

It's possible to manage without one. I had one as a teenager, then didn't get another one until over the Easter half term break, as DS was starting nursery, I feel I need to be contactable, and still wanted to take DD places and give her the same 1:1 experiences DS had when he was a baby. I still have a circle of friends (both mine and through the DC), we socialise as often as we all feel like it. Two of our 'Mammy' group have no social media, I may as well still not have a phone, as only the nursery have the number to it, and I only switch it on/carry it with me when DS is in nursery, and DD and I are going out, which is only two mornings a week. You have to turn phones off when you enter the school, so it gets turned off when I arrive at the school, and not turned on again until the next time I'm departing school and not going home.
I got rid of my last phone which was a SMART phone, just as they were becoming the most common type of handset in my very early 20s. I've never missed having one, nor been in a situation where I've wished I had one. I carry an address book and a small pouch of change if I'm ever in an emergency situation and need to give a number, or use a call box.
In terms of feeling that the other Mams are stuck up, have you tried some different groups? I've been to some and felt the same way (about an inch tall with two heads), yet another I went to was so different, I started going when DS was a week old (it was a BF support group, not a play group), and I still socialise weekly with two of the mothers, and our DSs are as close as siblings 3 years down the line.

I understand-I find myself with an urge to look at the phone when I’m driving even (I never do). I got rid of FB and Insta but I just love reading about things. I have loads of books I want to read but the phone is more alluring.

I really wish MN was like the TV when I was small - only on at certain times of the day. That would help most.

Certainly can’t put down my phone - I spend half the day downloading books and articles, needed for research, to kindle. And it’s so much quicker and more responsive than the laptop.

OP don’t you read actual books on your phone? It’s a great halfway house if you can’t bear not having it in your hand. (Though I do worry about the increasing wrinkles around my eyes.) I generally download the free sample to my phone then order the tangible book if I think it’s something I’ll want to keep or share.

As for different generations ... Nope! The octogenarians I know are just as addicted to their iPads.

It is mildly amusing how people are suggesting that reading paper books is somehow morally superior to reading stuff on your phone. When I was a kid I was frequently moaned at for reading books all the time.
Again, OP, I think your issue is more isolation and unhappiness than the Evils of Technology.

Oh and @PeapodBurgundy - you must live somewhere unusual if you feel you can rely on finding a working payphone in an emergency.

All those sanctimonious older posters who didn't grow up with mobiles are just tedious. I'm in my 50's and am addicted to my smart phone, love it and know I need to reduce time on it though. I have plenty of friends and interests but still love the accessibility to the huge world out there on-line.

There's some tips here. ...it sounds as if you've already tried some...

Would you ask your GP for a referral into IAPT (psychology service ) fir help with your addiction

www.psychguides.com/behavioral-disorders/smart-phone-addiction/

OP don't know if it's been said but you can use whatsapp on a desktop or laptop. Get an old fashioned nokia and download whatsapp for computer.

Those of us who grew up before mobiles existed do find the need to be staring at a screen all the time baffling, whilst equally accepting it can become addictive.

I grew up before mobile phones and I have an addiction to my smartphone! I should have seen it coming - I also got addicted to Frogger on our very first BBC computer and do minefield on a later pc. I have never had other addiction problems but I have noticed that when I am stressed or down my screen usage goes up a lot and, crucially, it makes me feel even worse. I think this is what a lot of people don't get - it isn't a problem if you enjoy it. I hate missing out on sleep/family time because I am doing something mindless online. It also ruins my concentration. I think (at least for me) reading real books is a lot better - my concentration comes back and I can remember what I have read. I gave up my kindle because I had to reread the same few pages each time - I just couldn't remember what I had just read on a screen.

Anyway, how to solve it! I think you need to either go cold turkey and not have a smartphone (I can't do that either because of bloody Whatsapp which is used by all the kids' schools/hobbies etc and I would never be able to keep up with them otherwise) or you need to give yourself lots of nudges and recognise that you are addicted and must be tough on yourself e.g. put it away as soon as you get home, don't take it in the bedroom ever, put app blockers on, cancel accounts, restrict internet use during the day etc. I actually managed a whole 3 months without FB, twitter and MN (my nemesis!) but then reinstalled them when I was going through a tough patch. It's a bit like smoking, sometimes you stumble but you have to try again. Good luck!

Interesting article about reading on phone and book
www.pri.org/stories/2014-09-18/your-paper-brain-and-your-kindle-brain-arent-same-thing

Things that I do to reduce my phone usage:
Delete the apps where I lose hours (eBay, Instagram, YouTube).

Switch off the WiFi before I go to bed & put the phone at the other side of the room.

I also write a to-do list of things I need to get done the following day. I prioritise completing my list and I only allow myself to pick up the phone to make/receive calls.

Lol at Frogger time, what a blast from the past. I was addicted to a lot of the games on the Sinclair Spectrum. And they were on cassette and took 30mins to load.
I agree-if I’m feeling blah I use the phone more. It’s like I’m seeking something but never find it

I actually prefer the physical feeling of a paper copy of a book but I'm not going to say no to a 99p kindle book. In fact, I search for them compulsively.

Reading books is totally different to mindlessly scrolling on your phone. I too have an addiction. I've always loved reading anything as a way to switch off but it used to be books and newspapers which at least meant I was well informed and well read. The phone just instantly relaxes me and I can retreat into it regardless of what's going on around me. Like many others I don't have social media. It's just news, forums, researching possible fantasy holidays and trips.

Same here and now iPhones have the screen time thing I just feel so ashamed, I spent an average of 7.5 hours a day on it . It’s only since I’ve been on mat leave so am home a lot of the time. I just can’t seem to curb it, feel a bit panicked when I can’t find my phone.

Using a phone is a great alternative to feeling your own feelings and thinking your own thoughts. No wonder it's addictive. It's really pleasantly numbing when you think how tough life can actually be.

If your life outside your phone is making you feel a bit sad or frustrated or maybe even fully depressed then that's your answer. You will always go back to the phone until you learn some alternative coping mechanisms to deal with your reality.

Reality sucks, MN is better

@Preggosaurus9
Think you hit the nail on the head there.
Bloody depressing but true

Good afternoon all. I just want to say a massive, massive thank you for being so kind and really understandable about my situation. You have no idea how much that means to me so thank you. I have read every single one of your response. I've ordered and downloaded How To Break Up With Your Phone by Catherine Price as it seems like it is highly suggested. Today I have spent less than 1 hour on my phone so far. I have been to town for a couple of hours and left my phone at home. Was going to go park but it started to rain. I have played with my toddler, some done reading and lots of cuddles and also continued to do some knitting as well. I am currently on it as my DS wanted to watch a movie so I am just popping on here to reply and update you all. Thank you all again. To those who are being mean about me being addicted to technology! Sorry I am not as perfect as you, but I cannot help it and that is why I posted on here so I can get some constructive advice and support. There is no need to be nasty to me or to other people about it.

Following to read later. I am so addicted I can't stop to read right now, too many things to Google I wish that was a joke!!

Don’t have any better suggestions than those already offered... in fact I’ve downloaded offtime (it’s on iOS now too). Timely thread for me.... I am also a problem smart phone user. Clearly you’re not alone OP!

I'm a bit addicted to mine too tbh. But I can put it down and get on with things. I didn't grow up with smartphones, smartphones weren't a thing when my eldest was a tot.

It's hard when you're at home with little children because let's face it, they're quite boring a lot of the time, as is housework, smartphones are a great distraction. Smartphones are addictive by their very nature, you have the world at your fingertips, no end to what you can look at, who you can talk to, shopping, reading, everything.

I can waste hours looking at old photographs and aerial views online of local buildings.

It becomes a problem when your using your phone to the detriment of other things in your life, but of course you already know all that.

I try to set limits on when I use my phone, so I have sometime in the morning while I have a cuppa, then I get on with stuff, I have sometime after lunch, then a bit of time in the evening.

Even doing that I'm still probably spending between 1-3 hours a day on my phone, that's a lot of time.

I don't think I'm missing anything by not having a smart phone. I think life is better without the need to constantly be checking posts, emails and updates. I can go on the laptop at home and the computer at work. I don't need the internet when I'm out.

When DD was young we didn't have the internet at home either. I think DD is gifted for this reason. We went out a lot. We did lots of creative things together and loads and loads of reading. I am so glad we didn't get the internet until much later in her childhood. When we did finally get, it ruined things a little bit and we became less close.

Hi, I have a similar problem with my smartphone and can definitely relate to PPs who use it more when life is getting on top of them, yet end up feeling worse.
I stopped and turned my phone off halfway through the thread, and went to see if I could put whatsapp on my laptop. Not yet worked out how to do it without it linking to phone, but i believe it's doable. I think I need my smartphone to keep in touch with family members who live abroad, but on thinking about it there are plenty of other ways. Really tempted to get an old style phone.
Thanks for posting, OP. It's something I have become aware of lately, and there are some good replies on here.
Good luck to you, and anyone else trying to break a phone addiction