I am sick of being addicted to my phone.. sorry this is an upsetting rant from me

[cutoutaddiction]

Ironic im typing this on my phone but everyone is in bed asleep and I cannot sleep, got a lot on my mind.

I'm so fed up and tired of it. I have been addicted to my phone for as long as I can remember. Every night for hours on end up up on my phone instead of reading a book or doing some knitting. I am on it more than I am not. I have a toddler who deserves and needs my attention and I am a shit mum for not giving him it. The first thing I do in the morning is look at my phone and then I go back on it while having a cup of tea, then I get ready, go back on my phone again, do things in between... I almost threw it against the wall but I remained calm and just put it down. I hate the thing and it is ruling my life! I WANT to do other things that I ENJOY. Why am I not enjoying doing things with my toddler? Why am I a lazy cow for not taking him to the park? Or do some colouring? Why do I feel like I have to actually go toilet at work so I can whip out my phone and check that's going on? I can't do this anymore.

Please can someone tell me what to do to occupy mine and my DS time throughout the day when I'm off work? Should I just throw this shitty fucking thing that's controlling my life? I don't want my baby to feel neglected anymore. He deserves more than a shit mum who'd rather sit on her fat arse and play on her phone instead of spending precious time with him.

www.amazon.co.uk/How-Break-Up-Your-Phone/dp/1409176266/ref=sr_1_2?s=gateway&keywords=phone+detox&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1558998463&sr=8-2

This book might be worth a read.

I agree with ReanimatedSGB- this sounds like a bigger issue than the phone. What could you do to make yourself enjoy your life a bit more?

I have managed to reduce my phone use because I do my own head in with it and stop myself from doing all sorts of things.

Some things that I did do that helped me cut my use a little bit were to delete or disable apps for Mumsnet, Facebook and Flickr. I turned off notifications for everything including email and messenger. The only time it makes a sound is when it rings or when I get a text message. That way I don't feel as though I have to pick it up when it tells me to; instead, I check it when I want to.

I don't use all those "control your home from your phone" things either because I feel that the they would only make the problem worse for me.

I use a dedicated camera too rather than the phone (I feel I take better photos with that than the phone anyway) and print the pictures for an album so I don't feel I am tied to it for that reason.

I use an actual alarm clock and leave the phone downstairs at night so I'm not mindlessly scrolling instead of sleeping. I also don't charge it overnight so I have to wait for it to charge in the morning before using it.

I purposefully took out a contract with only a couple of gb data so that when the Wi-Fi at home bottoms out (and it does, quite a lot) I can't just rely on 4G.

I don't have my whole life on my phone like some people do and so feel that I can put it down, or even leave it at home, and not be completely lost without it.

Pretty much every single app has been designed to be as addictive as possible. It is totally a thing.

Really empathise OP, I am having the same struggle. I am exactly like an addict - ‘I know it’s an issue and I’ll definitely sort it out... soon’

@jessicawessica how can someone be addicted to a phone? It may seem small to you but it is an issue. Just like kids are addicted to gaming. There are different varieties of addiction. Some smaller than others. But it's still an ADDICTION.

It sounds like you have self esteem issues as well as a self-defined phone problem (which I completely understand btw). You are not stupid, lazy, fat, a bad mum etc because you can’t put your sodding phone down. (Are you?)

I bought a new Nokia because of this. The 1990s remake Nokia

You can’t load apps on it, or browse internet, or do anything really.

Well you can, but the operating system is so slow you won’t bother it takes half an hour.

People are gradually realising how personal technology takes over. I’ve been on my iPad since 6 o clock this evening, on and off....

This sounds odd, but since getting an Apple watch last fall I use my iPhone a lot less. I can silence the phone and the watch rings if I have a call (and shows me the number) an i can decline or answer the call on the watch. Similarly the watch pings when I get a text, which I can read and reply to on the watch.

Since the watch lets me be reached without the phone I carry it around much less, so I'm not always using it to web browse or play on apps.

I hear you. With me, it's the laptop. Which is why I regularly unplug it and put it away in a cupboard. I find I'm on the laptop less if it's away even if I do still check in on my phone during the day!
Maybe you could do something the same? Not as easy if it's your phone you're addicted to though.
Just wean yourself off - check in in a morning but then log off for a few hours to do other stuff until say dinnertime.
That's what I do, it gradually gets less.

Can you not just put it down/ switch it off?
Well, duh, no it's not always that easy with addictions.

Agree it sounds like there are bigger issues at play that the phone and that you sound quite isolated OP. Do try and give the toddler groups another chance - I get what you’re saying about them but it’s worth persevering, even if only to force yourself to leave the house and focus on your little one. I found them daunting too but did end up meeting some nice mums and actually looking forward to going. As for the phone addiction, I TOTALLY sympathise - I suffer from depression and it’s an easy crutch because it occupies my mind in a very unchallenging way. However it is affecting my relationship with my DH quite badly and my DC are missing out too. I do think it’s a very real addiction. Good luck and I agree with a pp that acknowledging the problem will help you start to change things

I spend far too long on my phone too and I realised that I kept say ‘hang on a minute’ to my dcs far too much when they wanted my attention because I was on my phone.
I’m also not on any social media except WhatsApp but just love to read articles as I’m just interested in lots of things. The irony is I also read lots of parenting articles.

I found that what helps me is to start planning activities and to make a decision to put my phone away while I’m doing those. All my notifications except calls are switched off.

So plan might have been have breakfast (cup of coffee for me) with dc, take them out somewhere, have lunch, do an activity, have dinner with them, watch s film, read a book to them, fit in some chores.
Then watch something on tv for myself and read 20 minutes of my own book.
I do all those things without looking at my phone. Any other time I’m free to go on my phone so I don’t feel restricted if you know what I mean. I feel like I’m making the most of my time now.
I still have days when I get sucked in especially when I want to book a holiday, find a review of a product or place or get into mumsnet but it’s not that bad anymore as I’m more aware and get annoyed.

Jessica is not being a bitch at all. Those of us who grew up before mobiles existed do find the need to be staring at a screen all the time baffling, whilst equally accepting it can become addictive. I have never had a smartphone, but despair of ds who can not seemingly function effectively without his phone.

Limiting screen time before sleeping can help. Put the phone down and aim to read a chapter of a physical book....or knitting...aim to do a certain number of rows per night.

As others have said change the phone for a non smart one, which removes temptation altogether.

Hi. I'm like this at the moment. I did beat it and got down to my goal of 2.5 hours a day. Pregnancy lethargy quicked in and I'm back to square one. I've promised myself that today will be the day I meet my goal. I have the Space app. I'm trying to be mindful of my Goodreads Challenge.

I do take my son out most days but still manage to spend hours on my phone. For your son's sake you need to put down your phone and take him out

You piss off.
Being addicted to drugs and alcohol is not the same at all.
How the fuck can you be addicted to a phone FGS?

In the same way you can be addicted to gambling, psychological addictions are just as real.

I too grew up long before even brick phones were around, but even so I spend much more time on my iPad than I should.

Usually when I wake up the first thing I do is reach for my phone, check messages (family in Australia), the news etc before I get out of bed. But I do feel this is a bad habit. When I have forced myself to do something else first thing in the morning, like read a chapter of a physical book or just sit with my own thoughts for a while, it really feels like a calmer start to the day. It’s such a hard habit to break though.

Well put it down then

Poloshot - Because it's just that fucking easy!?

OP you aren't alone. I'm exactly the same. And I hate it. Although I'm trying of make a conscious effort to not aimlessly scroll. I've deleted loads of FB groups as I was getting notifications and I'd always look.

So I've disabled notifications and I try to make a real effort. I admit it's a bit easier now I'm back at work and actually getting interaction with people. When I was on mat leave and feeling very isolated, my phone was a lifeline to the outside world.

To Jessica and the other judgemental knobs saying "just put it down" - an addiction is an addiction and unless you suffer from one, you genuinely have no idea. I can't understand someone who has a gambling addiction would literally spend every penny for things like food on gambling. But I'm not a gambler so I won't understand how hard it is. But it's because they have an addiction .

So knobhead comments are really not fucking helpful

I think most of us can admit to being on our phones way too much, I know I certainly am. (And I'm of an age that grew up before mobiles existed).
You sound very isolated and lonely and quite possibly you are depressed and this will all contribute to your usage.
I work part-time and have no access to my phone but once I'm home, I waste a considerable amount of time looking at it/playing games and I too feel quite lonely a lot of the time. It's a connection to the outside world.
I don't really have any advice because I'm constantly looking at mine too but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this

Feel for you OP. I too considered an old Nokia but like you Whatsapp is critical! I second what MissConduct said about a smart watch. It's helped me loads. I leave my phone in a drawer and don't miss any calls but I'm not tempted to browse and look up random stuff because it's habit. You can do it!

I'm the same OP. I've just bought Digital Minimalism which is one of the 99p kindle specials today.

However I am intrigued to think many years ago before smartphones were invented, how did single parents get on?

I wasn't a single mum but DH was away a LOT. I used to go out to toddler groups - and trust me, no-one in those groups thinks they're perfect parents - take the children out to the playground, saw friends and relatives or phoned them, did some freelance work at home that I could fit around the kids, read, watched TV, phoned friends, etc.

OP, I strongly suspect you could make the phone blocking apps work if you really want them to. You need to ask yourself the question why you're not doing that.

About being with a Toddler. At home with a young child a flexible or loose plan worked for me. But I needed some structure.

It involved getting out of the house walking once a day minimum.

An appointment like a toddler group helps. No one loves these groups ime. You go for your child to get a safe change of scene with other kids around to interact with or not, as child wants.

I also did swimming once a week with one of mine, just look for what's on that you can get too.

With older kids now we are switching off the internet after tea for a number of hours to force us ALL to do other stuff like reading. Rationing seems to be the way to go for me at least.

I don't have a smart phone as I know what I'd be like. I am the person who still texts and hasn't join the WhatsApp group so can't advise there.