I am sick of being addicted to my phone.. sorry this is an upsetting rant from me

[cutoutaddiction]

Ironic im typing this on my phone but everyone is in bed asleep and I cannot sleep, got a lot on my mind.

I'm so fed up and tired of it. I have been addicted to my phone for as long as I can remember. Every night for hours on end up up on my phone instead of reading a book or doing some knitting. I am on it more than I am not. I have a toddler who deserves and needs my attention and I am a shit mum for not giving him it. The first thing I do in the morning is look at my phone and then I go back on it while having a cup of tea, then I get ready, go back on my phone again, do things in between... I almost threw it against the wall but I remained calm and just put it down. I hate the thing and it is ruling my life! I WANT to do other things that I ENJOY. Why am I not enjoying doing things with my toddler? Why am I a lazy cow for not taking him to the park? Or do some colouring? Why do I feel like I have to actually go toilet at work so I can whip out my phone and check that's going on? I can't do this anymore.

Please can someone tell me what to do to occupy mine and my DS time throughout the day when I'm off work? Should I just throw this shitty fucking thing that's controlling my life? I don't want my baby to feel neglected anymore. He deserves more than a shit mum who'd rather sit on her fat arse and play on her phone instead of spending precious time with him.

I'm the same
Can see myself literally looking at over my kids heads and ashamed of myself but still feel compelled to do it.
I don't game on it but on FB or MN or just reading articles on any random thought if the day I have.

I need to break the habit but it is a habit for the doubters and not straight forward

Mabel Going cold turkey is one way of breaking an addiction, so the 'knobheads' advocating that are giving advice that has worked for some in the past. Changing the phone for a non smart phone is another form of that.

Dopamine - is released by your brain and makes to feel good, it can be released in response to achieving an activity. This happens in video games for example and is an easy source of dopamine - little output for a release - hence addiction to things like computers and games, you get a release for little effort.

Can see myself literally looking at over my kids heads and ashamed of myself but still feel compelled to do it

I do that but with the cats

I will have a cat sat on my lap snuggling me and pawing for attention and I will be looking over them at my phone or tablet. In fact, one of my cats could be quite a good encouragement to put the phone down because she will position herself so you can't see the screen and slap you if she isn't getting the attention she demands.

I've read most of cal Newports digital minimalism, as mentioned by pp. A compelling read. Although I'm yet to take the plunge with the 30 day detox...

I grew up in a time before mobiles, but I still find myself losing a few hours on an iPad or smart phone. Imagine people who’ve always had this technology find it even more addictive, hence the popularity of it.
Op you need to be quite strict with yourself, it’s a habit not an addiction and you need to break your routine. Limit your self , or get a different phone and try to fill your days with more meaningful activities. Get some fresh air at the park, being outdoors will make you feel a million times better than any phone and look for other for other social groups in your area.
At least you recognise what you’re doing is not good for you.

You are not alone, OP!

I use an app called OffTime to force me to stop browsing on my phone or tablet late at night instead of going to sleep.

I spend far too much of my time on my phone or tablet (like now, for instance, I have become immersed in this conversation and am typing this response rather than getting on with what I should be doing today!).

I've found OffTime quite helpful. I schedule it to block my access to the devices at a certain time each night for a specific number of hours.

It has overrides, so you will still receive calls or messages from any contact you may need to keep available.

I think you are being too hard on yourself about this OP. I find it mind-numbing at times being at home with a toddler, and use my phone far more than I “should”.

Do you have a laptop/PC? Someone I know got rid of their wireless router and they only have PC now which has to be plugged in to access they internet, so they can only use the internet in that 1 room on the house. You would still be able to whatsapp etc on the pc, and maybe limit your data plan on your smart phone, or switch to a Nokia!

I also really understand the shit parent thing

But isn't is also that because everyone else lives their lives on technology ( me also) that to feel like we are keeping in touch with the world,and a phone/laptop is the way to do it? Not in a fear of missing out way - just a general keep in touch way. My grown children live so far away now, that I like to check in and see what they are up to - as well as my friends. then it becomes a necessity a bit??? And as there is soooo much stuff we can access on them - well why wouldn't we look at it? I agree it becomes overwhelming - I have taken to long walks with headphones and audio books - just to switch off a bit.

Despite having no smartphone I can read a lot of online articles and comment.

I imagine my children seeing the stuffy Edwardian parent reading his broadsheet then failing to recognise his own child. This pours cold water on this other notion that I'm somehow keeping my fingers on the pulse of society (by reading about life elsewhere.) And it gets me interacting with the family.

Guilt in small doses can be a handy motivator, there's no need to be rude about yourself though. That's as counterproductive as being rude to someone else imo.

If it weren't for MN, I would spend a fraction of the time on my phone.

I received a notification the other day, congratulating me on my reduction of screen time. Down to 4 hrs per day

Those of us who grew up before mobiles existed do find the need to be staring at a screen all the time baffling, whilst equally accepting it can become addictive. I have never had a smartphone, but despair of ds who can not seemingly function effectively without his phone.

Rubbish, I grew up without then as did all of my parents generation- on their 80s/90s now. They love technology. Facebook is all silver surfer.

Some people are just dinosaurs who live in the past.

I don’t think the phone is the source of the problem it’s your lack of real life interaction and support.
Please keep trying to find a group or class or just people near you. And even if it takes some time to meet “friends” at least get out to library singing/rhyme groups or the community centre or church hall type groups.
We did not evolve to raise toddlers 1:1 humans are social animals and in the past mother’s would have gathered together in the community to raise children. Shopping, laundry etc all used to be social activities.

Following I'll read tonight properly after kids go to bed. I feel the same and you've given me the kick up the arse I need today. Phone going down after this and duplo is coming out.
Thank you OP

You need to swap to a shit phone. I have one that I can go on the internet on, but it is sooooo slow, I'm not really able to do it unless just checking one page for an address, for example.

It has enough memory on it to have WhatsApp and my email account, but no other apps. It's a Samsung Young (and really cheap to buy - I got a replacement when mine broke and it cost £30). They are quite small but still touch screen.

You need to get it sorted. It sounds harsh but, when your child goes to school he may struggle if he has missed out on some interaction at a young age. Force yourself to get a shit phone.

Thing is to people saying read a book- people don’t really read paper books do they? I have 14 unread kindle books, id really like to get through them before buying more! But then of course I’m on phone/tablet so literally the same thing as browsing the Internet.

Totally get you OP. I've tried to give up my phone a few times but DH is an addict, much worse than me, and he doesn't see it as a problem. If he agreed to try to cut down as well I think it would really help.

Agree with those saying smart watch. I bought a cheap Amazon one and when I'm wearing it I leave my phone in a drawer next to the front door. If anyone calls or texts my watch tells me. I don't need to check the time on my phone either. It does help a bit.

I've deleted most of my social media but MN is a killer. Cant give it up

Yes i want to reduce my screen time too. I spent 6 hrs on the internet on Saturday, a lot either first thing or last thing at night but it’s way too much. My kids are older but I going to turn mine off during the day as I want to stop picking it up.

OP just wanted to say I feel the same. Like many other posters.

For me it got worse when I had my baby (now 2.5!) and my husband works away a lot.

It ramped up when I started using breastfeeding support groups / then a group of friends on mat leave would messege each other all day throughout the day

We'd meet up socialise with the children, then still chat around the clock to each other through whatsapp / facebook messenger.

It's eased slightly now I'm back to work. But I still waste so many hours on it on an evening especially with hubby being away. No adult interaction. Everyday I tell myself tonight I'll read / watch a film but still sit chatting to friends and aimlessly scrolling Pinterest and social media!

No hints and tips from me, I guess just trying to put it in a drawer might help, others have lots of good ideas

Change the phone for a non smartphone.
Buy a cheap reconditioned laptop for things you absolutely must have internet for. Turn it properly off after every use, this will put you off using it when not needed.
Go out every day. Get some fresh air, take your DC to the park. Even if the people in toddler groups are unfriendly go for your DC's benefit. Or try different groups.

Paper books are on sale at my local small limited-range supermarket. Library is still busy.

I had a kindle but have moved back to paper.

Those of us who grew up before mobiles existed do find the need to be staring at a screen all the time baffling
Nope. I grew up before mobiles, I was late 20s when I got my first mobile phone.

I’m pretty much always on a screen.