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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go arghhhhhhhhhh 🤬🤬🤬🤬

124 replies

Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 17:09

At my 14 year old!

He has his end of Year exams coming up. next week. Off on half term this week. He’s said he’ll do 3 sessions of studying a day, no more. Ok, that seemed all right but not brilliant.

He is just so argumentative! He wants to play Fortnite when he isn’t studying. Says he’ll play on the PS4 first thing then study after lunch. Every evening I’ve been making him write down exactly what and when (times) he’s going to work in the next day. But then he went out with friends instead this afternoon. We’ve now just had a big row as he was wanting me to help with his French oral prep this afternoon so I’ve been waiting to do that with him on my day off. His friends were out in the garden and he just came in and said I’m going on the PS4 now, I’ve hardly played today (which is untrue). I’ve just lost my temper with him and so he said he’d do some French revision but not with me!

Just really grrr at his entitled attitude. PS4 first, then mates then maybe a bit of work if I nag him!

Feel like chucking the PS4 out of the window. I know there will be WW3 if I remove it! He is very good at feeling hard done by.

Advice?! Solidarity? My older one was hard work but never this stroppy and disrespectful.

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 27/05/2019 17:10

Just remove the games console, he can have it back after exams are done? If he wants down time between revision sessions he can go play football or something outside

Hanab · 27/05/2019 17:12

Take the consol out of the house 🤷🏻‍♀️

HouseOfGoldandBones · 27/05/2019 17:13

OP, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but it's your job to parent him.

You're in charge.

Do a revision timetable with him & tell him that he'll be sticking to it.

You shouldn't need to threaten him, or lose your temper, or change wi-fi passwords, or anything like that.

Sit him down, agree a timetable & then you tell him he's sticking to it.

Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 17:16

Yes I think you’re right! He has been threatened with it but always managed to do some work/apologise to get back in the good books.

He has been off sports at school and I think has squandered the extra time by going in his laptop. I have reduced his data right down to the minimum but he needs his laptop as he’s dyslexic so uses it a lot.

I’m off work today and tomorrow but back at work Wednesday onwards so he’s home alone. I just don’t trust him! He goes mental when we say that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 17:16

He absolutely refuses to do a timetable. He’s so strong willed. Just says no!

OP posts:
CrazyCatNerd · 27/05/2019 17:19

Of course he'll just say no if there are no consequences Confused

Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 17:19

He just pushes my buttons!!! We went through hell with my eldest getting him through his GCSEs and I think there’s still some residual stress there that makes me overreact and get really mad with my younger so. when he’s being so lazy and belligerent. I’m determined to get him in better habits do we don’t have the”oh shit” year we had with my eldest.

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PinkiOcelot · 27/05/2019 17:19

Personally, I’d just let him get on with it. His fault if he gets really low marks. Might teach him a lesson.

Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 17:20

Yes you’re right. He is quite a powerful character and I just need to stand up to him! I reckon he’ll be a lawyer or a politician - he is so good at arguing 🙈

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luckylavender · 27/05/2019 17:23

I get it. I had a strong willed very clever DS who hated studying & it was always a battle. It's all very well for people to say 'just parent him', it's not always that easy. I would have said that myself before I had him. I was the child who did as she was told & studied. He was as stubborn as a mule, although lovely & easy in other ways. He's 22 now, had a good degree from an RG Uni (incidentally the same degree from the same Uni as me), has a job he loves & is very happy. Hang on in there, he'll be fine.

INeedAFlerken · 27/05/2019 17:24

It's your house and you are the boss.

Take the PS4 and lock it away.

Turn off the Wifi.

School comes first. Commitments come first. Tell him to pull himself together and do his work or prepare to live without an online presence.

Nesssie · 27/05/2019 17:24

Don’t let him argue back.

He does 1 hour of French revision or you take the PS4 for the day.
He argues, you take the PS4.
Next time he argues he doesn’t get to go and see his friends.

Tell him every time he argues, he gets a consequence.

CloserIAm2Fine · 27/05/2019 17:27

What’s the worst that will happen if he fails? They’re end of year exams and will probably affect GCSE predictions, but nobody in ten years time will be asking what he got in his end of Year 9 exams. I’d be tempted to let him fail them and hope it would give him the kick up the bum that he needs. Since supporting him isn’t working!

I was always able to coast, even through GCSEs, and it took messing up my AS levels for me to realise I actually needed to start working properly. My parents approach was very hands off (which is odd really because they’re both teachers!) and they didn’t get involved in my homework or revision at all. I’m not saying that’s the approach to aim for, but at the moment all you’re doing is stressing each other out.

Asta19 · 27/05/2019 17:27

I’m with PinkiOcelot I don’t really think “forcing” someone to revise is going to do much good. They’ll just do it full of resentment and not take anything in anyway. When he gets crap results and has to work a lot harder, then he’ll realise. And if he doesn’t then he gets crap GCSE’s and will have to waste time doing retakes! He’s old enough to take responsibility for himself.

Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 17:27

Bit of drip feed but he has struggled a bit with friendships this year which is probably why we’ve been more lenient with the PS4 (he plays with friends on live) and the meet-ups.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 17:28

Just to be clear he’s starting GCSEs next year.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 27/05/2019 17:29

Are the exams at the end of Y9 important? Genuine question
I wasn’t planning on getting involved with my DDs

Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 17:29

Interesting how polarised the replies are!

OP posts:
floraloctopus · 27/05/2019 17:29

What’s the worst that will happen if he fails? They’re end of year exams and will probably affect GCSE predictions, but nobody in ten years time will be asking what he got in his end of Year 9 exams.

In some schools it determines whether they do the foundation paper or the higher paper.

TheCrowFromBelow · 27/05/2019 17:30

I will be you in 2 weeks OP, my 14 yo knows it all- if only!!
DC is in Y9 and I think this is the right year to let them learn the hard way - unless the outcome of these exams influences the levels entered for at GCSE.
Sometimes they need to make their own mistakes.
Hasn’t stopped me setting up “maths with mum” sessions though.

noblegiraffe · 27/05/2019 17:30

He’s making it difficult for you in order to get you to stop bothering him about it.

Do you want that to be a successful tactic?

bridgetreilly · 27/05/2019 17:33

Remove the console and turn off the wifi in the morning, until he's done 3 hours work (which is PLENTY at this stage). Then he can do what he wants, within normal limits, for the rest of the day.

Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 17:33

I want him to do well for a few reasons:

  • he’ll be in better sets when he starts GCSEs next year
  • he’ll have learnt some decent study habits
  • it’ll be good for his self esteem
  • it’s the building blocks of GCSEs so he needs to know this stuff!
  • it’s good for him to realise that not everything come easy and a work ethic is super important in life.
OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 27/05/2019 17:34

He won't be a lawyer or a politician if he doesn't pass exams - with excellent grades (for law at least). He'll be an argumentative loser with a 'could have been a contender' sob story.

Self-discipline is the difference between success and failure, in oretty much everything. You can help him gain this skill. It might be very hard for you now but it will be much harder for him later, if he establishes lazy habits now.

Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 17:34

Noblegiraffe- interesting comment, so what do you advise? I think you’re a Maths teacher aren’t you? I’ve seen you posting on the GCSE forums.

OP posts: