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Original poster

To go arghhhhhhhhhh 🤬🤬🤬🤬

124 replies

Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 17:09

At my 14 year old!

He has his end of Year exams coming up. next week. Off on half term this week. He’s said he’ll do 3 sessions of studying a day, no more. Ok, that seemed all right but not brilliant.

He is just so argumentative! He wants to play Fortnite when he isn’t studying. Says he’ll play on the PS4 first thing then study after lunch. Every evening I’ve been making him write down exactly what and when (times) he’s going to work in the next day. But then he went out with friends instead this afternoon. We’ve now just had a big row as he was wanting me to help with his French oral prep this afternoon so I’ve been waiting to do that with him on my day off. His friends were out in the garden and he just came in and said I’m going on the PS4 now, I’ve hardly played today (which is untrue). I’ve just lost my temper with him and so he said he’d do some French revision but not with me!

Just really grrr at his entitled attitude. PS4 first, then mates then maybe a bit of work if I nag him!

Feel like chucking the PS4 out of the window. I know there will be WW3 if I remove it! He is very good at feeling hard done by.

Advice?! Solidarity? My older one was hard work but never this stroppy and disrespectful.

OP posts:
ssd · 27/05/2019 19:08

If you can sort out a 14 Yr old boy who will happily study every night and leave the ps4 alone, I'm nominating you to sort out brexit, which is far less of an issue 😁

ReanimatedSGB · 27/05/2019 19:08

The main reason computer games 'cause so many problems' is because of whiny, interfering adults who insist on trying to control their children's use of technology, because the adults don't understand the technology, don't know why gaming is enjoyable, and have dumbfuck conformist ideas of what kids 'ought' to be doing in their free time, so they place ridiculous restrictions on the amount of time devices can be used (Only at weekends, only ten minutes a day, waa, waa, fucking waa...). Once you start making computer gaming a battleground, you are going to lose. Even if you are stupid and vicious enough to destroy your children's property in an attempt to enforce obedience, you will still lose: they will despise you and get away from you as soon as they can.

TeenTimesTwo · 27/05/2019 19:08

I have a y9 with exams soon after half term.
We have compromised on 1hr a day 3x20mins, to be done in the morning before getting distracted by other stuff. Ideally I'd prefer more, but an hour done amicably is better than loads of arguments.

I think y9 exams are important, not in themselves but because:

  • the DC can learn what revision methods and timetable works
  • to get into the habit for later years
  • to start learning those courses where GCSE syllabus has already started
  • because my DD at least is more motivated by success than by failure

By y11 my DD1 was up to 4.5 hrs in a day. I'd like DD2 to be able to get there too. Neither of my DD's are quick learners.

herculepoirot2 · 27/05/2019 19:13

Exams aren’t just important as a dry run. They show you how much your child has been learning/trying and therefore where he or she might need to make adjustments if he or she isn’t going to fall behind. Every year of education is important.

kidsmakesomuchwashing · 27/05/2019 19:17

These games consoles seem such a problem - I don't know how I will deal with it when my babies get to that age.
All I do know is that me and my sis weren't ever into consoles / online games growing up and worked quite hard at school and uni - both have decent jobs. My mum finally gave in and bought bro a console he subsequently did crap in his GCSEs, failed his AS levels, got a mediocre BTEC qualification. He does have an average job now but he could have done soooo much better if he hadn't wasted all those hours on consoles.

TheInvisibleMrsCrane · 27/05/2019 19:19

We have the same here - exams next week and he is being an argumentative little sod. Says he knows it until I test him and then it is my fault for expecting too much.

X-box and iPad have been put away until after exams (I've done this for the last two years - he can still use the PC and watch TV to relax.) - I've been really clear each year that I know he can get good marks and I expect good marks. He wants the geography trip to Iceland next year and he will only go if his results are good.

The problem is that he usually manages to pull it out of the bag and do well despite the half-hearted attempt at revision and poor work ethic - part of me thinks I would prefer him to learn the hard way this year, rather than mess it up later on.

CrazyCatNerd · 27/05/2019 19:30

Reanimated - I agree. It's insane how people think about gaming. Really pisses me off.

JaynePoole · 27/05/2019 19:30

These games consoles seem such a problem...

Games are designed to be addictive - just the right balance of challenge and reward. Imagine your favourite books from childhood and then imagine being able to immersive yourself in the stories and role-playing your favourite character.

doesthiseemright · 27/05/2019 19:33

If it's any consolation OP, they are likely to have done quite a bit of revision in classes in the weeks running up to the half term. So that's something. anyway.

redbedheadd · 27/05/2019 19:36

Well he won't be a lawyer or a politician with no decent school qualifications. He needs to learn to self motivate, if he can't do that I would let him fail.... but talk to him about how difficult things are when you can't get a job and the challenges of living on minimum wage.

PurpleDaisies · 27/05/2019 19:38

Well he won't be a lawyer or a politician with no decent school qualifications.

And whether he revises for three sessions a day for his year nine exams will make practically no difference at all.

Who says he even wants to be a doctor or lawyer anyway?

redbedheadd · 27/05/2019 19:42

Who says he even wants to be a doctor or lawyer anyway

The OP said he would make a good lawyer or politician earlier up!

I didn't say he needs to do 9 sessions or whatever but he needs to learn to self motivate to do some revision... he won't always have him mum or dad standing over him... it's a skill we all need to learn.

BlueJag · 27/05/2019 19:44

We have a 13 year old and I find that negotiating its key. I do let him manage his time once we agree schedule.
Why don't you work out what would be acceptable to him and see if by scheduling his time he sticks to it?
We let ours binge say on Sunday he can play as much as he wants then he can't say he has played much.
It is tough when playing it's so much fun and revising isn't.
The problem is is that the more we push the more they push back.

BlueJag · 27/05/2019 19:46

I wouldn't take his console away. Maybe don't take this exams too seriously. You are going to need your strength next year.

livefornaps · 27/05/2019 19:48

It's a cruel world out there and his generation will have to tackle climate change, brexshit, no healthcare, and generally no security.

He can make of that what he likes. But basically, getting knowledge is always a good idea. Or he learns to code.

Yesicancancan · 27/05/2019 19:50

Expecting him to revise when you are work is like setting him to lie to your face.
Only expect revision for when you can see he has actually sit. It.
Be realistic, these are not his GCSE’s, just let him be, 20 minutes 2 subjects each evening. The time will fly, when 20 becomes 30 keep quiet, he will go over with luck.

noblegiraffe · 27/05/2019 20:54

Boys are massively underachieving as a group compared to girls at school. This thread with its ‘don’t take these exams seriously’ reams of advice is honestly making me despair a bit.

Consoles and smart phones are massively addictive and kids need our help to regulate their use. This kid will be in the middle of his actual GCSEs in 2 years and knowledge is not something crammed in at the last minute, but accumulates over time. A kid who revises for his Y9 exams is going to be in a better position in the long run than a kid who doesn’t (obviously assuming that that’s not the only revision they do ever).

If he wants the PS4, then I suggest he works for it, and also it’s contingent on him not being a massive dick and messing you around.

Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 20:55

Thanks again everyone. Things have calmed down. We’ve had a nice evening. I think we’ll keep the PS4 off for the next few days and then see.

To those that said negotiate- we have tried that but he’s shown he won’t stick to study plans he’s originally agreed to. The PS4 is too much of a draw and it’s all he thinks about. I want him to prioritise schoolwork, earn the right to play it.

Cold turkey for a few days then maybe a gradual reintroduction for after he’s done his morning’s work. Being dyslexic, he needs to put a bit more effort in unfortunately than his peers. French particularly is a struggle. For those that said I’m too involved- of course I’m going to help if I can! He asked me to Confused

It’s nice - they’re now all watching a movie together and talking. No angst.

Thanks again for all your advice. Smile

OP posts:
JasperHale · 27/05/2019 20:58

ssd I am so with you Grin

OP, is your son y9 or 10? My 14yo is y10, diesn't study at home at all, and there is no way I can make him, no matter what is taken away. His grades are fine, some better than others, and it's his future, not mine. I've never done homework with him, not doing with my DD5 either. I've done my time at school Wink

Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 20:58

Noblegiraffe- totally agree. A wake up call to me. I feel a sense of relief as this whole situation has been building up for a while.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 21:00

Ps I was joking about the lawyer/politician. Just saying he is very persuasive!!! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 21:01

Ps where we are the years are counted differently. He will be sitting GCSEs in 2021

OP posts:
ssd · 27/05/2019 22:14

My boys are grown up and left school

It all works out, encourage where you can but ultimately its up to them

Original poster
Notsureabouthis · 27/05/2019 22:59

@ReanimatedSGB - your anger seems out of proportion. Did someone confiscate your PS4? Grin

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 27/05/2019 23:04

I don't play computer games. I just decided to go low-tolerance with stupidity ie people who think that punishment is good parenting.