Husband drinking is destroying our relationship

[Kingk1]

Needing advice please. My husband drinking is getting out of control and I feel like leaving him. He has always liked a drink but since we have moved to a new area with pubs in walking distance his drinking is getting out of control. I have spoke to him when he's sober and explained how I feel he promises to cut down then couple of nights later hes bck binge drinking again. He owns a small company and work can be stressful but he has hired an excellent manager who takes alot of the stress off him but he still drinks heavily. When he goes out most times straight after work he gets so drunk he has to be carried home from pub in early hours, he causes arguments with me which I hve now learnt to ignore, a few occasions he has fallen when walking home and injured himself. Recently he has been getting into fights. Last nights shangiangs he went out at 5pm on his own to see a local singer I stayed at home as my son and his girlfriend visited from university for the weekend. He said he be home about 8pm at 1.00am my son woke me as a guy from the pub had carried him home because he was in a fight. He had blood on his face and clothes his lip was swollen and his ankle had a bone stuck out. I had to ring an ambulance. He has smashed in ankle in 3 places and needs surgery , hospital are keeping him in for a Wk. I got home at 6am from hospital totally exhausted, and feeling so let down again.
My dilemma: he has no phone, money, cigs and needs PJ's and toothbrush etc I feel like just leaving him there with nothing and letting him feel the brunt of his actions. I'm fed up covering for him with work, his family etc because he promises he will cut down but he's actually getting worse! Am I cruel to want to leave him in hospital with nothing or do I stand by him. My son who is 18 and lives with us is witnessing all this behaviour and I feel it's not fair on him . Sorry for the long post.

He will still get drink when on crutches in this day of online shopping.

He'll probably drink more, laid up with injured ankles.

What a relief it would be for you to be out of all this?

I do not understand women who stay with out-of-control drunks - Understandable short-term. But long-term isn't it just one long "misery memoire"?

You need to be non weight bearing after you break your ankle. This means you literally can't put any weight on it or you will break it again or misplace it.

It would take a very very foolish person to get drunk when non weight bearing. He will be back in hospital and in agony very quickly after the first time.

I would speak to his medical team and tell them about his drinking. Now is the time to get him help.

Thank you all for your advice. To be honest I really do not want to bring in pj's etc for him. This for me is the final straw! We live in a small village so I'm sure we're today's gossip and I'm a very private person so really embrassed that he has put me in this position. I also just remembered that the person he said he was fighting is a thug / drug dealer from next village so now I'm fearing been on my own with my son. I rang his mother to see if she can bring in his stuff but she can't and didn't seem at all surprised by his excessive drinking. I feel that by leaving him without his essentials it hopefully will make him realise the damage he is doing! I just feel so torn as I'm a caring person by nature but I've had enough!

There is not one reason on earth why you need to look after someone who has chosen a destructive path that you have asked him not to.

Please don’t worry about the gossips they are the least of your problems; start thinking about how you want your life to be and stop thinking “if only he would change”. You can change your life, one of the problems of us co-dependents is that we spend more time thinking about other people than about ourselves. And that’s not a good thing.

What I mean is - don’t hope that he will realise the damage he is doing. In all honesty he probably won’t!! But that doesn’t mean you can’t take steps to change your life.... don’t put it on hold waiting for him to realise.

That's exactly it, he is totally in denial. He thinks he having a great time and everyone is his friend. He makes a fool of himself and can't see it. My son has said he doesn't want me to bring in his stuff as he has enough of him too. He said he will watch movies on his phone and use his hospital rest to chill then back to normal when he gets home and I agree with him. He's in total denial and it's everyone else's fault.

You’ve got to draw the line somewhere and this seems to be it. My mother became an alcoholic when I was about 12 and I put up with it for 22 yrs before finally cutting her out of my life last year . She had so many chances but refused to get help . She has pushed everyone she ever cared about away but it was always everyone elses fault. You can’t help ppl if they’re unwilling to help themselves .
I wish you luck with your future

And can I add OP please don't be afraid of Al-Anon. A very dear friend of mine was in a relationship with an alcoholic for nearly 20 years. Al-Anon gave her the courage to really see what her life had become as a result, and she still goes to meetings now to support other families even though she's met someone else and is deservedly very happy.

They were her lifeline