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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To walk out of hen do.

138 replies

Burlea · 26/05/2019 12:10

Last night there was about 15 ladies at a friends house. She is getting married for the 3rd time next Saturday. Unfortunately her 1st husband died, her 2nd marriage ended because she cheated with the man she marrys on Saturday.
We were drinking, chatting and laughing. No problems there until 3 ladies including the bride decided to talk about how they had cheated. The talk got more and more crude
as they were discussing 3somes, positions etc.It seemed as though they wanted to be the naughtiest. . Now I'm no prude but I am good friends with her ex-husband and also the ex-wife of the groom to be.(we live in a very small town). One person stood up and said I don't mind having a laugh but this is not funny as she walked out myself and another friend joined her.
This morning I got a group chat from the bride saying that us 3 are boring and that's what hen parties are about. Were we being UR.

OP posts:
MrsElizabethShelby · 26/05/2019 12:41

Now I'm no prude but I am good friends with her ex-husband and also the ex-wife of the groom to be.(we live in a very small town).

Have I read this wrong?

flumpybear · 26/05/2019 12:43

Ok each to their own in the bedroom, I'd perhaps talk more openly to my best friend but not to an audience of women, some of whom were possibly strangers ?!
Infidelity wise - never really found a cheater to be a good person deep down albeit I don't know many so perhaps the pool is shallow
You didn't do the wrong thing imo

Winterfellismyhome · 26/05/2019 12:44

@MrsElizabethShelby the OP is also good friends of the grooms ex wife, she isnt the ex wife

Original poster
Burlea · 26/05/2019 12:44

MrsElizabethShelby it was a friend's hen do, I have been married to my husband for nearly 40 years and have never cheated.

OP posts:
TheFaerieQueene · 26/05/2019 12:45

I wouldn’t bother going to her 4th hen do.

Notabedofroses · 26/05/2019 12:46

No fun for you listening to crass stories - I would have gone too, maybe not a walk out, but mumbling an excuse probably!
Tell her you are glad she had a great time and leave it at that - no need for a big drama

Robinthecaveman · 26/05/2019 12:48

Sounds really grim . YANB in the least bit U.

lavtriesagain · 26/05/2019 12:49

Good on you and the others for leaving, what a horrible thing to talk about!

Skittlesss · 26/05/2019 12:51

YANBU, however surely this wasn’t the first glimpse you have had of her scummy side?

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 26/05/2019 12:56

May I ask what age is "lovely" bride-to-be?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/05/2019 13:01

Was this the objective then, OP? Lots of piling on to rubbish your 'friend'.

Do them a favour and don't have anything further to do with them - and that includes her wedding, because you'd be an absolute hypocrite.

TapasForTwo · 26/05/2019 13:02

but I am good friends with her ex-husband and also the ex-wife of the groom to be

I can see where the confusion lies. I misunderstood that to be that the OP was also the ex wife of the groom to be. I'm glad you cleared that up Smile

justasking111 · 26/05/2019 13:05

I was called boring when one member lined up shots of all kinds at the bar and we were supposed to drink them. I and a friend left at that point. Two of the party had alcohol poisoning and their partners were not impressed.

Original poster
Burlea · 26/05/2019 13:06

She does have form for being dirty in her fun but not to this extent. I think drink didn't help. The other 2 ladies she was chatting too were her work colleagues. When she cheated with her ex-husband I only found out as she was seperating. She is a sales rep who often stays away over night. So the cheating happened out of town.
I haven't replied to her message as I don't actually know what to say.
DH thinks I did the right thing. We will go the wedding and see how it goes.

OP posts:
Gth1234 · 26/05/2019 13:08

If you want to stay friends, be careful how you respond. Just agree that yes, you probably are boring.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/05/2019 13:08

Of course you will. Yuck.

TapasForTwo · 26/05/2019 13:10

Just agree that yes, you probably are boring.

I would probably say that as well - to keep the peace.

Isatis · 26/05/2019 13:10

Tell her that not being boring means behaving like that, you're very happy to be boring.

Drogosnextwife · 26/05/2019 13:10

*Now I'm no prude but I am good friends with her ex-husband and also the ex-wife of the groom to be.(we live in a very small town).

Have I read this wrong?*

Yes you have.

AnyFucker · 26/05/2019 13:13

Happy to be boring in this instance

DameDoom · 26/05/2019 13:14

Crikey - I'd have walked too. I hate enforced hen do merriment and would not participate at the best of times but what you have described is beyond the pale. Who wants to know this stuff?
Talking about how they've cheated? They need to grow the fuck up.
I would not be going to the wedding.

HeresMe · 26/05/2019 13:15

The man who she marrys Saturday will be no doubt suprised when she cheats on him, it's inevitable.

Good on you for having principles, I'm not sure I'd be friends with any of the lot including the couple getting married all seem like cheating scum.

Pinkyyy · 26/05/2019 13:20

I hate people who talk dirty, there's no need for it and it's disgusting. In all honesty I'd reply saying that you are in fact not boring, but you don't enjoy hearing the explicit details of anyone's relationship.

Original poster
Burlea · 26/05/2019 13:20

Im sorry I realise how my post has caused confusion, I know her ex-husband and the ex-wife of the new husband to be. Bride is 48. I will now reply as advised that yes I'm boring.

OP posts:
Planesmistakenforstars · 26/05/2019 13:24

YANBU. The crass talk wouldn't be my cup of tea, but discussing how they all cheated would be a nope from me.