Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed my sister is moving house

146 replies

dottydaughterhungryhusband · 26/05/2019 11:26

My DSis currently lives in same town as me, DBro and our parents, all within five min drive or 20 min walk. I count DSis as one of my best friends and we meet a couple of times a week with kids (she has two DDs, ages 1 and 3, I have DD age 2). Also, we go out for drinks kid free about once a month in town, can walk home.

She and DH are about to offer on a house about 20 miles away, the other side of a big city. I know the house is what they want and they like the area but I just can’t understand how she can consider living so far from us all.

It will take her DH an hour and half to get to work (currently 20 mins), and it will take them two hours to come to ours / parents / DB (very bad roads for traffic).
No more coffees in town or drinks out (no public transport where she’s going). It’s not any closer to DH family. And she’s always had a strained relationship with our DM but recently things have been good and DM has been looking after DNs once a week. That will stop when she moves.

She could definitely get what they want nearer us all with a bit of patience. I know it’s not Australia but it will change everything and I liked how things were. AIBU to be p!$$€d off?

OP posts:

milkshak3 · 26/05/2019 15:38

20 miles? seriously, you need to get a grip. your posts reads as of she was going to move to Oz!

EggysMom · 26/05/2019 15:41

Maybe she doesn't want to be so close to you all, and actually wants to move away! It all sounds a bit suffocating.

Maybe the OP is envious of the freedom from family that her DSis will have.

boomboom1234 · 26/05/2019 15:46

I do understand that you are upset and that's perfectly normal. It's sad when things change. My sister and niece and nephew moved to America last year and I was heartbroken but it's amazing how quickly you adapt. I know people are saying it's only 20 miles but it's still change and it's hard to deal with. I think just feel how you feel be kind to her about it but explain you do feel sad and will miss her. I hope it all works out & you adjust quickly xxx

Aveeno2017 · 26/05/2019 15:48

I live 250 miles away from my family...1 car ride, 2 trains and 1 bus ride and 7hrs later...I arrived at my parents! 20 miles piece of piss.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 26/05/2019 16:20

It doesn’t take anything like two hours to travel twenty miles... Unless she’s doing it on Shanks’s pony?!

daisypond · 26/05/2019 16:26

Yes it can take that long. That’s my commute to work. Walk, bus, variety of tubes, train, another bus , then walk again. In distance it’s only 20 miles but it takes forever.

HappyDinosaur · 26/05/2019 16:31

2 hours is nothing, of course you can still see each other and have drinks or dinner out when you want to.

Qweenbee · 26/05/2019 16:49

I'd be upset too. You can know you are being unreasonable but still be upset about a situation out of your control. I get it. It's a pity some posters seem to have an empathy bypass.

DistanceCall · 26/05/2019 16:50

It sounds like you already had a fantasy about you all living on the same street (or in the same neighbourhood) and going into each other's homes, watching the children play together, going out together as families on weekends, having family lunches, etc.

Nothing wrong with that, of course, but you should have borne in mind that your sister and her own family might have had something different in mind. And no, that doesn't make them "antisocial".

cornish009 · 26/05/2019 16:58

20 miles....the school run is more than that for us, double that if you include pick up. Eldest son attends a college 45 miles away and travels there and back every day! And it's 20 miles to our nearest large supermarket, public transport and doctors. So to me 20 miles is being near neighbours!!

DisorganisedOrganiser · 26/05/2019 18:03

I really do think it makes you anti social to move away from such an amazing set up, especially for the benefits to the children. Unless there is more going on behind the scenes. You said the relationship with your DM was difficult so maybe that’s it?

BenWillbondsPants · 26/05/2019 18:09

Maybe the OP's sister doesn't find it quite so amazing?

BenWillbondsPants · 26/05/2019 18:12

I'd be upset too. You can know you are being unreasonable but still be upset about a situation out of your control. I get it. It's a pity some posters seem to have an empathy bypass.

While being upset may be a normal response, the OP says she's 'annoyed' and 'pissed off' @Qweenbee. I don't think that's usual.
Perhaps her sister could use some empathy from her to support her choices.

DisorganisedOrganiser · 26/05/2019 18:18

BenWilbondsPants, maybe she doesn’t but maybe the kids do?

BenWillbondsPants · 26/05/2019 18:26

@DisorganisedOrganiser maybe, or maybe not. We only have the OP's take on this, her sister may have an entirely different view. It's hard to believe that she would move 20 miles (although that's not far) if she didn't want a change in lifestyle.

I believe that the sister and her DH, not the OP or anyone on here, are best placed to decide what will benefit their children and their family as a whole.

augustusglupe · 26/05/2019 19:10

I’m 60 miles from my hometown and it takes around 2 hours on a fairly busy day. I really don’t think, even around London or wherever you are that it would take 2 hours to go 20 miles.
My parents died many years ago and I have 2 sisters in my hometown, I love them but they’re both a lot older than me and they’re close and with them, the threes a crowd rule applies. In fact they can be complete bitches when they’re together and I like the distance.
Reading between the lines I think maybe your sister wants to just get away.
Our brother was like this, he died a few years ago. I’m sure he loved us all but he just wanted to be left to get on with his life.
If you’re really close, such a short distance will be no barrier.

Rezie · 26/05/2019 19:28

It's ok to be sad. I was upset when my best friend moved. I know id be sad if my brother moved 20mi. That would change our whole dynamic. Since it would.be only 20mi we could see each other quite often, but not do the things that we usually do.

You are not unreasonable for having feeling. If you express these feelings to your sister then that would be unreasonable. Try to think all positive aspects that can come from this new area 20miles away.

echt · 26/05/2019 22:30

I end up saying no to her suggested meetings 80% of the time!

You so want to see her, don't you, OP?

Pk37 · 26/05/2019 22:44

Fucking hell, give your head a wobble.
You sound needy and jealous .

DistanceCall · 27/05/2019 07:41

I really do think it makes you anti social to move away from such an amazing set up, especially for the benefits to the children.

Amazing for you, amazing for the OP. Looks like not so amazing for the OP's sister. Not everyone wants the same things.

I just can’t understand how she can consider living so far from us all.

She could definitely get what they want nearer us all with a bit of patience. I know it’s not Australia but it will change everything and I liked how things were. AIBU to be p!$$€d off?

This is seriously entitled and delusional. And yet it's the OP's sister who is antisocial?

BenWillbondsPants · 27/05/2019 07:44

@DistanceCall I agree. This is a very odd thread. It's normal to be upset when someone moves away, but the OP seems to have made this all about everyone else, apart from her sister.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6