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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed my sister is moving house

146 replies

dottydaughterhungryhusband · 26/05/2019 11:26

My DSis currently lives in same town as me, DBro and our parents, all within five min drive or 20 min walk. I count DSis as one of my best friends and we meet a couple of times a week with kids (she has two DDs, ages 1 and 3, I have DD age 2). Also, we go out for drinks kid free about once a month in town, can walk home.

She and DH are about to offer on a house about 20 miles away, the other side of a big city. I know the house is what they want and they like the area but I just can’t understand how she can consider living so far from us all.

It will take her DH an hour and half to get to work (currently 20 mins), and it will take them two hours to come to ours / parents / DB (very bad roads for traffic).
No more coffees in town or drinks out (no public transport where she’s going). It’s not any closer to DH family. And she’s always had a strained relationship with our DM but recently things have been good and DM has been looking after DNs once a week. That will stop when she moves.

She could definitely get what they want nearer us all with a bit of patience. I know it’s not Australia but it will change everything and I liked how things were. AIBU to be p!$$€d off?

OP posts:
Gunpowder · 26/05/2019 11:58

20 miles could easily take 2 hours if the sister is moving to the other side of London, say.

OP, yanbu to be very sad and upset. I live a 15 min walk from one of my sisters and I would be bereft if she moved away. We see each other a couple of times a week, the cousins are more like siblings. I completely understand! However it’s not just your sister but her DH and what they have decided is best for them as a unit. I’d make your spare room inviting and offer lots of sleepovers.

Ignore the mean people saying she needs space from you. I very much doubt that’s what’s going on here.

AlexaShutUp · 26/05/2019 12:01

The OP actually made me laugh out loud. 20 miles is nothing. But then, you know that, don't you OP, because you and your DH previously lived abroad. Were your family pissed off with you for that?

People have their own lives. If your DSis and her DH want to move away, that's their choice and you should support them.

Notabedofroses · 26/05/2019 12:01

Its not going to take 2 hours to drive 20 miles!!! So already you are blowing this so out of proportion. I am guessing your sister loves the new house, and does not consider 20 miles to be very far at all (and she would be right) and almost certainly wants to continue to seeing you all as before, why would it change anything? Okay so you can't walk to her house, but so what.

Your sister has to the best thing for her and her own family. It is her life.

My family made our lives a living hell, because we moved away and now we hardly see them because they have been/are such a pain.

Swallow your disappointment, be happy for your sister.

dottiedodah · 26/05/2019 12:02

By the sound of it shes moving to the country(No public transport).We too lived in the same road as my Mum/Stepdad Nan /Grandad and best friend!.Lovely to begin with ,after a while a little claustrophobic.We moved 9 miles away to be closer to work and get a bigger house .She is not far away, FIL lived 20 miles away through country roads and we used to see him reguarly .Maybe she feels as though she needs a space between her and DM or things may flare up again?.Does she drive or not .Maybe share car with hubby or occasional taxi to meet up.

LarryGreysonsDoor · 26/05/2019 12:06

You know that you can write ‘pissed’ on MN?

Anyway, it’s up to her really.
I think the only time you could really be annoyed would be if you had an elderly relative that you both cared for and she was now saying that you would have to do it all because she’s moving.

WhiteDust · 26/05/2019 12:08

I work 7 miles away from home. It takes 40 min to an hour in the car depending on time of day.

I had to get the train (actually 2 trains) once as there are no buses. 1hr 30 min.

2hrs for 20 miles is not unlikely.

Witchend · 26/05/2019 12:08

I just can’t understand how she can consider living so far from us all.

I suspect that's probably at least half the attraction.

I live a good proportion of the length of the country away from most of my family. I'd like to be closer, but I do value my independence and 20 minutes away, whereas at times might be nice, most of the time would be too close.

WhiteDust · 26/05/2019 12:09

YANBU to be sad. YABU tone annoyed.

Pinkvoid · 26/05/2019 12:10

20 miles is nothing at all. I mean this kindly but you need to get a grip... She is an adult, her life doesn’t revolve around you. Get some other friends.

DizzyPigeon · 26/05/2019 12:11

2hrs for 20 miles is not unlikely

But as you yourself say, it depends on the time of day. I don't think anybody would recommend going for a visit in the middle of rush hour!

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/05/2019 12:12

Thank your lucky stars you have a sibling, who loves you. You really don’t know how much some would love this. She’s moving a few miles away, nothing more.

Cariadne · 26/05/2019 12:13

I understand being disappointed or sad, but pissed off isn’t really fair. She hasn’t wronged you!

Anyway, it’s only 20 miles - as you’re close, you will still see each other plenty!

Bluntness100 · 26/05/2019 12:16

What do you mean " moving so far away"

It's twenty miles! No way that takes two hours. Can you not drive? You'd think she was moving to Outer Mongolia the way your going on, not the next town or so along.

Anyone else not get past this is only twenty miles that's being discussed here?

BogglesGoggles · 26/05/2019 12:16

My husbands siblings live much further away but we still see the lots. I really don’t understand why you aren’t happy for her.

Sparklesocks · 26/05/2019 12:16

Your sister can’t put her life, and her DH and DC’s lives, on hold to suit you.
You are being very U, you should be happy they’ve found a lovely new home.

AguerosAngel · 26/05/2019 12:16

So it’s ok for you to move abroad but your DSis can’t move 20 miles away?

One rule for one....

Get a grip!

haverhill · 26/05/2019 12:17

I drive over 20 miles to work in a notoriously busy city; it takes 40 - 45 minutes door to door unless there’s a holdup.

Bluntness100 · 26/05/2019 12:17

2hrs for 20 miles is not unlikely

Unless her chosen time to meet up is rush hour, it's highly unlikely indeed.

maddiemookins16mum · 26/05/2019 12:18

200 miles YANBU, 20 miles.....YABU.

Ravingstarfish · 26/05/2019 12:20

UABU she can live wherever she wants. Also it doesn’t take 2 hours to drive 20 miles, that’s ridiculous

Loftyswops988 · 26/05/2019 12:22

So you lived abroad, and now your sister is moving 20 mins away and you are pissed off? YABU.

ddl1 · 26/05/2019 12:26

YANBU to be sorry that's happening; but YABU to expect that your sister will choose her new home just on the basis of how close it is to you (unless perhaps you or your mother have serious care needs; and you don't mention anything of that nature).

YoThePussy · 26/05/2019 12:27

My DSis lives 2 hours train ride away from me after living in the same city for years. Our relationship has improved immensely now she can’t just drop in/raid my fridge.

OP look on this as a new and exciting chapter in your family’s life. You will appreciate you sister much more by not seeing her constantly. YANBU unreasonable to clearly love your sister though.

lyralalala · 26/05/2019 12:29

Unless you are about to dripfeed that her DH is pushing the move because she's getting on better with her DM/family and he prefers her isolated you are being utterly unreasonable.

YouBumder · 26/05/2019 12:32

How is it going to take 2 hours to drive 20 miles? Don’t be so ridiculous. You could go it on a bike quicker than that!

YABU and I don’t blame your sister actually, maybe they feel living so close to the rest of you Is stifling

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