AIBU to be annoyed my sister is moving house

[dottydaughterhungryhusband]

My DSis currently lives in same town as me, DBro and our parents, all within five min drive or 20 min walk. I count DSis as one of my best friends and we meet a couple of times a week with kids (she has two DDs, ages 1 and 3, I have DD age 2). Also, we go out for drinks kid free about once a month in town, can walk home.

She and DH are about to offer on a house about 20 miles away, the other side of a big city. I know the house is what they want and they like the area but I just can’t understand how she can consider living so far from us all.

It will take her DH an hour and half to get to work (currently 20 mins), and it will take them two hours to come to ours / parents / DB (very bad roads for traffic).
No more coffees in town or drinks out (no public transport where she’s going). It’s not any closer to DH family. And she’s always had a strained relationship with our DM but recently things have been good and DM has been looking after DNs once a week. That will stop when she moves.

She could definitely get what they want nearer us all with a bit of patience. I know it’s not Australia but it will change everything and I liked how things were. AIBU to be p!$$€d off?

Maybe she travels in on a pony and trap!

Given how badly you’ve reacted, I’d say she’s made a deliberate choice because your family suffocate her!

It’s 20 miles.

Some people dont want to live near their families. I never did. I would find it stifling.

Of course you are not BU to be pissed off - but things change. She is doing what she wans to for whatever reasons. See it as a chance to change things a bit where you are. Make a few new friends, go for coffee wth different people, change the way you see your sister into doing things on a bigger scale - an all day bbq with afriends and family rather than the easy, (and maybe a bit boring), coffees in town. You never know there might be a lot of positives.

And as for those say 10 miles is nothing.! It easily takes several hours to cross a big city.

Yep, yabu.

Very.

How can 20 miles take two hours? That’s 10mph ffs!

I've taken 2 hours to cross Birmingham at times. That's 5 miles ....

My nearest relative is 1.5 hours drive away. We cope :) And see each other monthly.
My DS1 is waiting for his couples visa to move to Australia with his fiancee... that's a lot more heartbreaking for me but guess what.. I've only helped and encouraged him because it's what he wants.
20 miles away is nothing!

Perhaps they actually want a bit of space! Living in such close proximity sounds awfully claustrophobic!

YABU and sound a bit much.

Depends where you are and what traffic is like. I travel to a nearby city regularly which is 23 miles away. The usual journey time can be anywhere from 30 minutes - 3 hours as it's all dependent on traffic

Yes but I assume that’s because of an accident or a busy rush hour. The sister can plan to travel outside of rush hour. OP has made it sound like it’s a guaranteed 2 hours no matter what time of the day or week, which is bonkers

Yeaaaahhh... your sister can live her life however she wants.
Fair enough you like the convenience and having her close but 20 miles is nothing.
I also live in Australia so.. 20 miles is about how far we all live apart from each other hahaha.
Relax, you'll see her plenty still.

Reverse?

20 miles can easily take 2 hours, even 7, since it's all imaginary🤷‍♀️
Are you all seriously believing this post?

I remember when my brother wanted to move away, he lived 40 mins away which was doable, but to move 6hr drive away. it wasn't what he wanted, it was what his wife wanted. I'd say her husband needs a break from your family.

It’s only 20 miles! My commute to work is that and it takes an hour and a half each way every day - big city. My nearest relative lives three and a half hours’ drive away.

Given all the downsides you’ve listed I can only think of one reason they’re doing it. To get away!!

Maybe they don’t want to be as close to the family as you do? Yes be upset but don’t be annoyed it’s not your place. It sounds like your life revolves a lot more around her than hers does around you.

Yeah your right, I’m sad and disappointed but not angry. They can do whatever they like of course! It’s just sad. The end of an era! We’ve only lived near them three years, before that we were abroad for DH work so I’ve really enjoyed seeing everyone more often.
And honestly I don’t Harrass my poor sis! I work PT, DH does shifts, and we have other commitments so genuinely I end up saying no to her suggested meetings 80% of the time! She doesn’t work and doesn’t see many other people so that adds to my surprise she’s ok being so far away.
Thanks all for the replies, given me a reality check x

Maybe your sister is sad to be moving away from family too, but it's what she has to do to get a house they like and can afford.

"And she’s always had a strained relationship with our DM"

Things may improve even more when they are no longer in each other's pockets.

She probably needs some breathing space from everyone. I dont blame her

We’ve only lived near them three years, before that we were abroad for DH work

Wow. And you are complaining about 20 miles?

Really? The OP lived abroad for three years which is fine, but a sister moving 20 miles away is the end of the world? Either a reverse or it's rather hard to believe

I can understand that you are disappointed your weekly activities will change, but do you realise that your children may do something similar in the future? It is just something you will have to come to terms with and adjust to. 2 of my adult children have lived overseas in Singapore and New York for the last 5 and 12 years and it was hard at first, but becomes a new way of life.
Everything is constant.y changing, try to go with the flow.

“....the house is what they want and they like the area...”

Give them sincere best wishes (you do actually love them, right?), and tell them you will miss them.

She and DH are about to offer on a house about 20 miles away, the other side of a big city. I know the house is what they want and they like the area but I just can’t understand how she can consider living so far from us all.

You don't seem to realise it, so I'll tell you. This is bonkers. 20 miles is nothing! People move away from their families! People want to have social lives outside their families!